It was a beautiful, peaceful weekend so far. Father was away on a hunting trip, and we were all awaiting his arrival home. All but our little pup, Tara. She is only six months old, but Father has great expectations of her becoming a wonderful hunting dog. So, when he goes, she goes.
All three children were very engrossed in the cartoons on TV, when the hunters arrived home. The door banged open, and Tara came romping into the living room. Because she was so happy to be home and causing quite a disturbance, it took me a few minutes to realize that there was more than one dog leaving footprints in the pile of the carpet. Further study revealed that there were three dogs, Tara and two dog friends of ours. Gretchen, a very large Weimaraner and Sam, a very small aging beagle. I went in search of my spouse, greeted him, and said, "Darling, I did not know we were having guests."
He replied, "I saw the Smiths over the weekend, and they needed some time off. I told them we would be happy to dog sit for a few days."
Well, the Smiths are very good friends of ours, and I know if I caught them in a good mood and could pawn my animals off on them for a few days, I would, so I consented.
We settled down with our brood, now consisting of two adults, three children, one cat, three kittens that the kids brought home last week, and three dogs. After a couple of days our friends called for a report on how we were doing. Since it was a long distance call and the report was also long distance, I told them I would write a progress report and mail it to them. The next night, after dinner with the family, I struggled through cleaning up the dishes while my husband prepared a kitchen full of feeding receptacles. One for each of the three kittens, one for the momma cat, and one for each of the three dogs. If you know men in a kitchen, this took up the better part of the counter space, sink, stove, and a portion of the top of the refrigerator. After much confusion, the children were in bed, the cats out for the night, the dishes done and the dogs peacefully lying on the sofa (from which they were quickly removed), I sat down to write my report.
Progress report on inmates
Mother - A bit of a borderline case but holding her own.
Father - Due to less exposure and better ability to disappear, doing nicely.
Children:
Rick, age 7 - Very pleased with visiting dogs. Brings friends to see them. Opens door, dogs go out, cats come in. Need some way of keeping dogs in and cats out.
Donna, age 5 - Unimpressed, four legs, one tail, one very wet nose. Seen one you’ve seen them all.
Jay, age 2 ½ - Very impressionable. Feels he must conform to the majority. Spends most of his time crawling on all fours and wagging his tail. Very happy.
Kittens:
Ladybug - Good at hiding, excels in tree climbing due to much practice. Sometimes resorts to spitting, which is unladylike but it works.
Silver - Very fond of dogs. Engages in dangerous procedure of rubbing against their legs. Love prevails, now the dogs like it too.
Fluff Fluff - She resembles large ball of fluff. Dogs like balls. She spends lots of time being rolled around the lawn by dogs. When she is on all fours, she walks in neat little circles. Dizzy I guess.
Tiger - From all indications, he is courting the neighbors Siamese. He spends all his time in their yard. Neighbors are not too happy about this situation. Note to dietician: One less bowl of milk for cats, one more for kids.
Dogs:
Tara - English setter pup. Very charming. Shares her cushion on the sofa (until she gets caught) and even her bed. She is also well mannered lately. She has refrained from leaving offensive smelling and dangerously slippery mounds on the cellar floor at night.
Gretchen - Weimaraner. She is a furniture tester. Very few items have been missed. Warning: If found in the baby’s crib, she will be promptly put in an envelope, stamped, and mailed home, collect.
Sam - Beagle. Very nice, very loveable, very white. The furniture and rugs now resemble that fashionable new fabric blend, the one that has long white hairs running through it.
End of Report
On the whole, things are going smoothly. But, I am getting this uneasy feeling that the animals are taking over. As the report shows, we humans are outnumbered. My children now prefer dog food to my cooking, the dogs take my husband out at night for a walk. I keep finding cats in the children’s beds. Of course all these things are incidental. But, I really think it is now time to send our visitors home.
This morning I was busy in the kitchen. The phone rang a couple of times, then stopped. I walked into the den, stopped, turned, and walked back to the kitchen. I know my mind was playing tricks, but I could have sworn that Gretchen, the Weimaraner, was sitting at the desk talking on the phone. Imagine what my neighbors will think when they call our house and a dog answers. As soon as Gretchen gets off the phone, I am going to call the Smiths and tell them to come pick up their dogs.
About the story
This is a very short story by the author of absolutely nothing. It is ninety percent truth and ten percent fiction. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
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