March 24, 2010 - Florida Keys - Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen: State House Resolution Recognizing US1 as an All-American Road. Dear Friends: 

Please find below the video link to my House floor remarks supporting a resolution recognizing the Florida Keys Scenic Highway and its designation as an All-American Road.  My written remarks are below as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaqchDxCAPk
Remarks for Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen
Florida Keys Scenic Highway Designation
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
 

I rise in strong support of my resolution which I introduced to recognize the Florida Keys Scenic Highway and its designation as an All-American Road by the U.S. Department of Transportation.
 

I have the wonderful pleasure of representing this historic highway, long known as the Overseas Highway, which is part of US 1 and runs over 100 miles through a series of  tropical islands from Key Largo to Key West. 

It is paradise.
 

This resolution also recognizes the many dedicated grassroots activists who have long worked hard on this major endeavor actually since 1996
 

They formed the Florida Keys Scenic Corridor Alliance in 2007 and finally made this dream a reality.

The Florida Keys Scenic Highway is one of only five All-American Roads named on October 16. 2009 by the US Department of  Transportation, under the National Scenic Byways Program.
 

Since 1991, the National Scenic Byways Program has recognized, preserved, and enhanced a collection of  All-American Roads based on their scenic, historic, recreational, cultural, archaeological, and natural intrinsic qualities.

The Florida Keys Scenic Highway was chosen in particular on its recreational and scenic qualities and it is the first  All-American Road in my wonderful state of Florida, the sunshine state.
 

Since its completion in 1944, the highway has long been a leading tourist destination, known for its recreational opportunities, for its State and national parks, its historic sites and museums, and its cultural heritage.
 

Along the highway are historic sites such as the Florida Keys History of Diving Museum on Islamorada which focuses on the 500 hundred year old history of salvaging wrecks beginning with the Spanish galleons.
 

Another milestone in the highway’s history is Pigeon Key which served as the base camp for those who built the old Florida Keys extension of the Florida East Coast Railroad which was destroyed by the 1935 hurricane. 

And finally at the end of this beautiful road, at the end of the highway, is the city of Key West which includes among its many attractions the Key West Lighthouse, the civil-war era Fort Zachary Taylor and the Ernest Hemingway House.
 

This resolution is a fitting tribute to the many men and women who contributed to the fabled history of this fabulous highway which stretches back hundreds of years.
 

PRESS RELEASE
For more information:
March 24, 2010
Alex Cruz, Communications Director
Office    305-668-5994 or 202-225-3931
Cellular 202-225-8200 or 202-225-4630
 

Washington, DC -- Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen is pleased that a Resolution she authored regarding the Florida Keys stretch of US1 was approved by the House today, Wednesday. The Resolution recognizes the designation of the stretch of US1 in the Florida Keys as an “All-American Road.”

 This is the first “All American Road” designation in Florida and one of only 30 in the entire nation.  Thus, Congresswoman Ros-Lehtinen found it appropriate to have the US House on record as recognizing this great and well deserved designation for US1 in the Florida Keys. The Resolution had the full support of the entire Florida Congressional Delegation.
 

The 100 plus mile stretch of US 1, from Key Largo to Key West, was designated an “All-American Road” this past October 2009. This designation culminated years of hard work by local groups and residents who recognized the historical significance of US1 in the Keys. The Florida Keys Scenic Corridor Alliance, which includes different Chambers of Commerce throughout the Florida Keys, other organizations and Keys residents, was instrumental in getting this designation; therefore they must share the credit for today’s vote in the US House. 
 

Said Ros-Lehtinen, “Today’s vote to approve this Resolution places the House on record as supporting this important designation for our very own US 1 road.  Anyone who has been on this stretch of US 1 is impressed by the beautiful views of the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico, not to mention the history going back to Henry Flagler’s Overseas Railroad. I thank my colleagues for their overwhelming support of this Resolution.”
 

March 27, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus: Heads in Beds – Coming Soon to a Theater Near You |  Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | The catchphrase our local Tourist Development Council uses when speaking about numbers of tourists is “heads in beds.” I have always derived a bit of amusement from the phrase, as it seems to describe not only a tourism goal, but also a bloody dismemberment scene in a horror flick. Perhaps the two otherwise divergent ideas could be combined. Imagine the interest in the Keys after Americans on the mainland saw the horrific new motion picture: “Jason’s back and he’s on vacation in the Keys! Friday the 13th Part XIII – Heads In Beds!!!” (Cue bloodcurdling scream.) 
 

Well, whatever. Those of us who remain here year-round are all too familiar with the fall slowdown known as the dreaded “off-season” (a horrific concept to the local business owner). Just like our TDC, I’ve been trying to think outside the box and come up with some interesting ideas to help our locals make money during the off-season. Here are some of my concepts, although I don’t guarantee that any of them will actually work. 
 

During the month of September (August and October are good months, too), we could market the Keys to those thrill seekers looking for the adventure they never had: “Experience a Real Live Hurricane!! Book ahead to insure your reservation during Peak Hurricane Season in the Fabulous Florida Keys!” Events could include the Middle Keys Tropical Weather Golf Tournament (played with long metal clubs outdoors during electrical storms), Pin The Eye On The Hurricane contests in local bars, and exciting, lively keynote speeches by Jim Cantore and his phalanx of actual Weather Channel hurricane experts. Of course, we could never guarantee to our visitors that a hurricane would show up during their stay (and let’s hope that this year’s season is as inactive as last year’s!). If they show up in dire need of hot, humid, blustery, windy conditions spinning around a vortex that sucks, however, we could just send them to a local government meeting! 
 

Speaking of drinking (technically, we weren’t, but local government meetings are known to heighten the urge to pound down a few), it comes as no big surprise that liquor companies are advertising relentlessly during the economic slowdown. I’d like to offer a few suggestions, if I could, about how a couple of brands could improve their marketing.
 

Take Jose Cuervo Gold tequila. Chances are, when you’re drinking Cuervo, you’re in no condition to drive. Therefore, Jose Cuervo could improve their image by sponsoring an anti-drunk driving campaign like this: “If you don’t believe in moderation, please believe in taxis. This message brought to you by Jose Cuervo Gold tequila. Cuervo... if you’ve fallen, and you can’t get up, mission accomplished.” 
 

Then there’s Jagermeister, a vile concoction that I’ve seen people actually order and consume in front of my eyes. The bartender actually charges Jager-drinkers money for the putrid stuff, and surprisingly, people actually pay for it. I’m not sure that any marketing campaign could help convince non-Jagermeister drinkers to try the black potion of death. Maybe this: “Jagermeister – for those times when battery acid is just too harsh.” Or, perhaps, “Jagermeister – the perfect beginning to tomorrow’s hangover.” We seem to have strayed far from the original topic, so let’s get back. 
 

Perhaps the most successful of all off-season events could solve the problem of how we can get an actual count of our protected key deer (now so numerous that their habitat has expanded to other islands). I’d call it the Big Pine Key Fall Sportsmen’s Classic. We could market this event in Field & Stream magazine, aiming it at hunters who want a new hunting experience. Once they get here, we issue them paintball rifles and a notebook, and tell them to have at it. Each hunter keeps an accurate log of how many deer they’ve bagged (painted), with already-painted deer presumed “killed.” At the end of the “hunt” (when there are no more unpainted deer), we’ll all have an accurate count of just how many deer there really are...and some really psychedelically colorful bucks and does that will fit right in on Big Pine! I feel certain we could get an adult beverage sponsor for this event… wait! Doesn’t Jagermeister have a deer on the label? Perfect! 
 

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Marathon. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday at Dockside on Sombrero Blvd., and Saturday solo at the Key Colony Inn. Tuesday finds John at the Sunset Grille on Knight’s Key, and Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com. 
 

March 27, 2010 - South Dakota - Michael Shaffer: Pixel Ql.

The Pixel QI is a hybrid computer screen that blends the best aspects of both laptop and E-Reader displays. It was created by Mary Lou Jepson who is known for creating massive holograms and cheap laptops for developing the world. The Pixel QI combines an LCD and a low power, high resolution black and white version into one machine.
 

How they do that is that a backlight shines through a layer of liquid crystals which control how much light gets through, all depending on how they shift their orientation when they're shocked with electricity, the light that makes it through these crystals go through red, green, and blue filters, and their job is to tint and combine the light to create colors on your screen. When you turn the backlight down to save energy, the pixels reflect light instead of producing it (this means that there will be no glare from the sun). Ambient light, coming from lamps or the sun, bounce back off of a tiny mirror that is part of the pixels, The only downside is that with the backlight turned off, you can only read in grey and white.
 

March 28, 2010 - California - Linda Hall: Vitamin D Chronicles. Amazing study just presented at American Heart Association meeting. Dr. Tami Bair and Dr. Heidi May, of the Intermountain Medical Center in Utah, report yet another study showing that your risk of heart attack, stroke, congestive heart failure and death are dramatically increased by Vitamin D deficiency. In a presentation at the American heart Association meeting, they found that people with low levels (< 15 ng/ml) had a 45% increased risk for cardiovascular disease, 78% greater risk of stroke and double the risk for congestive heart failure, not to mention a 77% increased risk of death, compared to people with Vitamin D levels > 30 ng/ml. All that disease and death occurred in only 13 months of follow up for the 27,000 people in the study.

New York Times: Vitamin D Shows Heart Benefits in Study

So how many Americans died this last year from Vitamin D deficiency? Ten thousand? A hundred thousand? More? How many will die next year? Someone is responsible. Medical scientists who want more money before recommending that Vitamin D deficiency be treated have to assume responsibility. I am all for more studies but we have to act now, like we did with cigarettes. Remember, no human randomized controlled trials exist showing cigarettes are dangerous, so we have much more and better science than we did when we warned about smoking. If we fail to act on the dangers of Vitamin D deficiency, someone will end up with blood on their hands.

The Great Disappearing Act

We are currently witnessing one of the great mysteries of the natural world. The H1N1 outbreak is rapidly disappearing, despite a wealth of potential victims without antibodies to the virus, and yes, in spite of plummeting Vitamin D levels. In several weeks, the CDC will announce that perhaps one-third of Americans were infected in the last nine months and now have Swine flu antibodies, leaving the majority of the population still susceptible.

But this H1N1 virus is rapidly refusing the invitation to infect the two-third of Americans who are mostly immunological virgins and will soon recede until the next widespread outbreak, which may come this spring or next fall and winter. When H1N1 returns again, I predict it will cause more illness and death than it did this fall despite the fact it will attack a population with more H1N1 specific antibodies. Measles, another virus thought to transmit via respiratory secretions, would never forego the opportunity to infect so many virgins.

Influenzologists have no idea why this Disappearing Act happens. Dr. Edgar Hope-Simpson believed the reason lay in the mode of transmission; the current outbreak is ending despite a wealth of potential victims because the people transmitting the flu are suddenly no longer contagious. I recommend Hope-Simpson’s book:

The Transmission of Epidemic Influenza (The Language of Science).

I also believe that only a small population was transmitting, not all those infected. If these good transmitters – and not all the sick – usually spread the virus, and their transmission period is limited, the epidemic would end shortly after the good transmitters lose their infectivity. Why they lose their infectivity is yet another mystery, but a mystery that fits the epidemiology of influenza.

Cannell JJ, Zasloff M, Garland CF, Scragg R, Giovannucci E. On the epidemiology of influenza. Virol J. 2008 Feb 25;5:29. Review.

Another incredible Disappearing Act, one that usually follows the introduction of a pandemic virus, is the rapid and usually complete replacement of seasonal flu with the pandemic one. It is as if the pandemic virus murders the seasonal flu. We will have to wait to see if that happens worldwide with this pandemic, but in the USA it has already happened. Last week the CDC reported that more than 99% of all influenza viruses identified in the USA were Swine flu. Only 1 of 1,874 influenza A viruses identified last week was seasonal flu. Where did the seasonal flu virus go?

Thanks to those who volunteered!

If your email address begins with A through E, you may have gotten my email asking for volunteers to help give feedback on our new website. We were overwhelmed with the response, ten times more than we needed.

Thank you.

The reason for the request is that the Vitamin D Council has contracted with Minervation Ltd for $40,000 to build a new website over the next several years. We can only afford $1,000 per month so it take three and a half years to pay them, however; the first version of the new site is scheduled to go up in the late fall of 2010.

We decided to make our site more accessible, so if you only want to know about Vitamin D and pregnancy, you will be able to pull up the information quickly. Our new website will also update Vitamin D articles in the press and scientific studies from the National Library of Medicine automatically every day.

We also want to clearly separate fact from opinion, so readers can easily see what the science is and what our opinion is. Finally, as you know, the Vitamin D Council unfortunately has to market products, like the in-home Vitamin D blood test, to stay in business. The new website will prominently display all of our potential conflicts so readers will know them up front. 

If you want our new website up and running sooner than 12 months, consider making a dedicated donation, either by using the snail mail address below or via PayPal on our website. We are now going on our seventh year of operation and plan on 20 more years, in spite of the fact that all 15 of our requests for grants were recently turned down.

Did you know that when you Google “Vitamin D,” you will get more than 12 million hits? Our current website is usually ranked either number 1 or 2 of those 12 million, beating out the NIH, Mayo Clinic and Wikipedia on most days? This is almost entirely due to our webmaster Dana Clark. However, we believe we can dramatically improve our website, with your help.

John Cannell, MD 

County Commission Minority. A recording of the entire session is available HERE.

One in particular infamously stated that we no longer need workforce housing. The problem with that statement is sources confirming she never had three votes. You see, you need to be in the majority to state policy.
 

The Monroe County Comprehensive Plan Land Authority Advisory Committee confused by conflicting policy statements met today in the State Building. Among other important considerations, staff reports, public input, and committee members discussions straightened things out.
 

The committee considers purchasing property to mitigate takings, environmentally sensitive property, and property for workforce housing projects. Each of those categories is important for the county to eventually be de-designated as an area of critical state concern. While takings and environmentally sensitive properties are a priority, workforce housing is a continuing crisis, economic downturn notwithstanding.
 

To ever win the workforce housing shortage takes a long-term outlook. Actions toward that goal are plodding along. The delay or loss of housing is two steps backward.
 

Frankly, now is the time to get property and funding for workforce housing projects. There are always those who do not want any workforce housing at all. You can tell who those folks are by the continuing stream of banal reasons against workforce housing, NIMBYism being the chief reason.
 

The Journal has editorialized on this subject for over eight years, and the battles continue. Now is not the time to take your eye off the ball. You just might be bowled over by the unintentional consequences.
 

One committee member, John Dolan-Heitlinger, submitted a letter to the editors of all the local papers. The letter follows exactly as written.
 

John Dolan-Heitlinger: We still need to work on affordable housing in the Keys.
 

Consider the following:

• Although the recession caused a 30-40% drop in housing prices, most homes are still out of the reach of working families.

• A reduction in second home buyers has slowed the loss of affordable homes for purchase.

• Many of the best-priced homes have been purchased by investors and are being rented. This has caused an increase in long term rentals.

• Business has been down significantly reducing the need for workers. Many working people have left the Keys, reducing the demand for housing.

This makes it appear that our affordable housing crisis is over. It is not; it is only temporarily on hold.

Once the economy gets back to normal by 2012 or so, the following will happen.

• Second home buyers will return because this is a great place to live and prices are the lowest in years.

• Increased demand for homes will drive up prices again.

• Investor owned, long term rentals will be sold as second homes.

• The reduction in long term rentals will drive up rental prices.

• We will again have the same shortage of affordable housing we had 3 to 4 years ago.

What should be done?

We should take advantage of lower property and housing prices. We should use what funds are available to create and retain as much affordable housing and raw land as we can.

And we need both rental and ownership housing. Families rent when they are young but want to own a home as their families grow.
 

Understand that what is described above primarily affects the Middle and Lower Keys. The Upper Keys now increasingly import most workers from the mainland. That option is not realistic for the Middle and Lower Keys. It also increasingly created a kind of "us and them"
 

Let's take advantage of the opportunity that has presented itself. We should continue to use tourist tax money to enlarge the small supply of affordable housing for our future.
 

April 3, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus: El Niño Grows Up? | Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | As we all hopefully know by now, the next potential event destined to trigger mass hysteria is the end of the world – actually, the end of the Mayan calendar in December 2012. Scientists have speculated on what might happen, conspiracy theorists are promulgating theories as fast as they can in the remaining two and a half years we have left, and big screen disaster movies have been made showing that the only survivor left will be Hollywood actor John Cusack.
 

This year’s wacky winter has left a lot of people wondering about global warming and climate change. Our record cold winter has not much to do with climate change, however; the persistent strong El Niño in the equatorial Pacific Ocean is the real culprit.  
 

Those high Pacific sea surface temperatures that signify an El Niño event is responsible for both the quiet Atlantic hurricane season we had last year and this year’s record cold. 

 But just as the United States is coming out of one of the coldest winters in recent memory, Canada has experienced one of the warmest winters ever, just in time for the 2010 Winter Olympics. While Florida was freezing, and while 49 out of 50 states had snow on the ground, they had to actually truck in snow for Olympic events. This caused me to look a little more closely at what some scientists are saying about 2012, and how this might relate to the strong El Niño and the strange weather we’ve been having.

There already are predictions for increased solar flare and sunspot activity for – you guessed it – 2012. The last time this happened was in the early 20^th Century, long before our electronic, digital, and satellite world existed. Major solar flare activity could wreak havoc on our communications system and knock out large portions of the world’s power grids for long periods of time. Some scientists postulate that there might be a shift in the Earth’s poles and magnetic field that could involve an actual flip of the poles or a relocation of the poles and a shift of the Earth’s axis. 

I discussed these topics with Nat Strayhorn from the Key West National Weather Service office. While he didn’t want to be alarmist and cause undue concern, he told me off the record that scientists are looking into the possibility that El Niño – the baby – is “growing up,” or becoming a more permanent fixture on the planet. The possibility exists that “El Niño” may be renamed “El Joven” – The Youth. 

So how does El Niño’s continued presence relate to larger climate change models and some of the 2012 predictions? Strayhorn introduced me to the lead researcher in global climatology, Dr. Rick O’Shea from the National University of Ireland in Galway. Dr. O’Shea theorizes that a continued strong El Niño does indeed point to a possible relocation of the Earth’s poles. The fact that the Mid-Atlantic States and the eastern seaboard had a brutal winter and were covered with snow much of the time, combined with the fact that Canada (located much closer to the North Pole) had one of the warmest winters ever, suggest to him that the North Pole might be shifting to somewhere between Virginia and New York. 

According to Dr. O’Shea, this phenomenon, known as the Polar Icecap Shift Syndrome, is in complete agreement with the Oceanic Flow Fundamentals computer model that predicts ocean currents and sea surface temperatures. Also, increased solar flare activity, especially during the summer months of 2012 when the North Polar icecap is tilted toward the sun, could affect the relocation of the pole by December of that year. This polar shift could cause some upheavals of the plates that make up the Earth’s crust, or it may not, according to O’Shea. We would know more by April 1, 2012, if the climatological and oceanic models start lining up in agreement. 

Still, as we approach the doomsday year of 2012, I bet we all become a little more familiar with those two acronyms for the Polar Icecap Shift Syndrome (P.I.S.S.) and the Oceanic Flow Fundamentals model (O.F.F.).

And I’ll certainly be watching out for the headlines on April 1, 2012 to see if any of these predictions have a snowball’s chance in Canada of coming true. 

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Angels. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Manhattan Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday (tonight) at Dockside on Sombrero Blvd., and Saturday solo at the Key Colony Inn. Tuesday finds John again at Dockside, and Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com
 

April 5, 2010 - Marathon - Rick Beasley: SFW Summer Youth Employment Program. South Florida

Workforce has begun the recruitment process for our Summer Youth Employment Program. We are recruiting for both youth (14 - 24 year of age) and employers. I am forwarding the information and registration link for the Summer program. I am requesting your assistance in forwarding the information to the City of Marathon Community. SFW will begin to advertise the Summer Youth Employment Program in Monroe County.

South Florida Workforce Investment Board's (SFWIB) Summer Youth Employment Program will provide job opportunities to approximately 200 to 300 low-income young adults ages 14-24 residing in Monroe County, earning $8-$10 an hour for 140-160 hours to include 20 hours of work readiness skills training.   By partnering with SFWIB, local businesses will provide young adults with job opportunities and guidance in appropriate work place behavior, at no cost to the employer.
 

Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

http://www.southfloridaworkforce.com/w/youthSummer.html

Rick Beasley
Executive Director
South Florida Workforce
7300 Corporate Center Drive #500
Miami, FL 33126
305-594-7615 Ext. 369
 

March 6, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus: Florida Keys Music * John Bartus Newsletter
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Florida Keys Music * John Bartus Newsletter
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                  www.johnbartus.com

Published every now and then and electronically transmitted to a group of highly intelligent people (plus a few ne’er do wells).

Please pass this newsletter along to anyone you think would enjoy my music.

To unsubscribe and depart this list of friends, please scroll to the bottom.

IN THIS ISSUE:

- NEW!! Another Free Download!

- NEW!! Keys Disease Blog!!!

- Digital Downloads Available at CDBaby.com

- Wit & Wisdom

NEW!! Another Free Download!

Point your browser to http://www.johnbartus.com and click to the Music page for another newly posted fre e MP3 download! There is a new Storm Watch live track from a Memorial Day show in 2008. There will be more free downloads again soon... and don't forget to check out the Upcoming Gig schedule to find out where in the Keys we're going to be!

NEW!! Keys Disease Blog!!!

For those who don't know, I write a weekly column called "Keys Disease" for our local Weekly Newspapers. I don't know why I haven't done this before, but every week there will be a new column posted on the Blog page located at  http://www.johnbartus.com.

Digital Downloads Available at CDBaby.com

For those who prefer downloads to actual CDs, there are myriad ways to get them One of them is right at my CDBaby.com websites: http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/JohnBartus and http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bartus3. Individual tracks are $0.99, and entire albums can be had for only $9.99. 

WIT & WISDOM

WIT: “Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

WISDOM: “Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Happy Easter and Passover, and wishes for a beautiful spring!

© 2010 by John Bartus

April 8, 2010 - Marathon - Jeri Sears: Notes from the April 8, 2010 NSWC Meeting. The following information is from my personal notes and I make no claim as to the correctness of the notes. 

1. Diego Cordova - the newest member of the NSWC was introduced.  Diego is going to be a strong, positive member of the committee.

2. Deputy Willie Guerra - Deputy Guerra was unable to attend because of last minute job commitments.

3. Lt. David Dupre, FWCC - Lt. Dupre presented topics for the upcoming hurricane season.  All boats are permitted safe harbor.  The boats cannot inhibit navigation.  All boats must have permission to tie up to private property.  Lt. Dupre is going to issue a PSA on the legalities of damage caused by boats during storm events and who is financially responsible according to state law. 

4. Citizen's Comments - none

5. Quarterly report to council - the committee reviewed the topics that will be presented by Jeri Sears at the April 13Th council meeting.

6.  Recap of Marathon Seafood Festival - Bennett Orr  was not able to attend.

7.  Missing county markers - Rich Jones doesn't know of any missing markers but will check.  People are asked to contact the county Marine Resources Division any time they see markers missing.

8.  Update on the City Marina and Cruisers' Net Activities - Richard Tanner gave a very nice Power Point Presentation.  The presentation will also be given to the council on the 13Th.

9.  Update on the light at Boot Key Bridge - George Garrett reported that the city and surrounding land owners have posted all of the property.  The city will also be installing fences, gates and bollards to prevent access to the bridge. The sheriff will enforce the NO Trespassing signs. The street light is still being investigated.

10. Sign letter of recommendation to the City Council - the letters were signed and will be forwarded to council.

11.  Updates:

            A.  A marker will be placed on Rachel Bank - Richard Tanner will apply to the permits and Rich Jones will will reimburse the city through county funds.

            B. FWCC Mooring Field Pilot Program - the reports are being sent to Rich Jones and he is compiling them for  FWCC.

            C. "Big Fan" for the marina is being shipped.

            D. Bike racks at the marina - the racks are installed and they provide an additional 72 spaces.

            E. Railing is ordered and will be installed after season.

            F. The bridge span is scheduled for removal on or about Sept. 27Th.  The job is expected to take about 3 weeks.

I will be out of town for the May meeting.  My next report will be for the June 3rd meeting.

Sincerely, Jeri Sears

April 13, 2010 – Marathon – L. E. Shaffer: Marathon City Council Regular Meeting Marathon at the Government Center, 2798 Overseas Hwy. Photos, if any, are available at http://MarathonJournal.US/journal/press/index.htm. The digital voice recording of the city council meeting is available the following: Videos_&_Sound_Recordings_of_Selected_Marathon_Events.

Since the Weekly Newspapers reporter Blair Shiver is enjoying some much needed time off, I will do the Shiver Report this time. The article will appear on the Marathon Weekly Newspaper and the Marathon Florida Keys Journal.

Nothing of interest or controversy occurred this city council meeting. I suppose dull is nice, but fisticuffs would be more exciting. Still, the dull stuff is indeed important to city residents. You know the devil is in the details.

Call to Order, Pledge of Allegiance, Roll Call, etc. are sometimes the most interesting parts of any council meeting.
 

Minutes were approved by consent. Any asterisk (*) proceeding an item indicates the item passes by consent.

Mayor Ginger Snead invited the Marathon Jaycees Best of Marathon Jaycees to conduct an award presentation of Phil Sadowski Community Development Award. The mayor also presented Robin Tanner a public service award.

Mayor Snead presented the proclamation for of Occupational Therapy Month.

Committee member Jeri Sears and Ports Manager Richard Tanner provided the council with the Near Shore Waters Committee report. Jeri described how the committee works and what their mission is.

Land Trust President Josh Mothner and Planning Director George Garrett provided the Middle Keys Community Land Trust report. He reported about Land Trust staff support for the city’s first-time buyer’s grants.

City Manager Report

The 5^thAnnual Nate Grill Softball Tournament requested extended park hours for their event.

City Manager Roger Hernstadt reported on the road overlay for private roads on top of the city roads map.

Staff provided council an Aviation Bike Path update. There are a number of safety issues to be addressed.

City Manager Hernstadt provided the Boot Key / Jolly Roger property update on the purchase of same. The Jolly Roger property is a small piece of land for city use.

Staff and Weiler Engineering Corp announced a Service Area 4 community workshop.

Council provided direction to staff to address the Beautification Committee term expirations and reconsider the original guiding document.

Boat show organizers requested the use of the Community Park. There was discussion of allowing more than beer and wine, hard liquor. Mayor Ginger Snead voted no because she believes and history supports that liquor was not allowed for events on city property.

City Attorney Report

Jose Jimenez provided an update on City of Marathon Charter enforcement.

The legal monthly report is in the agenda packet available on the city’s website.

Citizens' comments: No one signed up to speak.

Ordinance for Second Public Hearing

Ordinance 2010-06 amended the Zoning Map from Residential Medium (RM) to Mixed Use (MU) for the property at 626, 630, and 770 107^th Street Ocean. The Marathon Planning Commission recommended approval.

Resolution for Adoption
* Resolution 2010-35 approved certain sole source items in the $10,000 to $25,000 range. The items concerned Camp Adventure Program provider and Dade Paper products.

Resolution 2010-36 approved the work authorization No. 1 with David S. Koppel, P.E. for Coco Plum Recreational Trail design and engineering services for $27,100.00.

Resolution 2010-37 approved the sole source for treatment plant equipment used in Service Areas 3, 4 and 6, for Service Area #7 wastewater treatment plant for $2,392,000.00.

Resolution 2010-38 approved the CEB Construction, Inc contract for Avenue K roadway construction for $114,365.53. Resolution 2009-137 was rescinded.

Resolution 2010-39 approved Lanzo Construction Company Change Order No. 8 to the contract for $1,000,000.00 for Service Area 5 collection system construction due to the Overseas Highway from 60th Street to 94th Street redesign.

Citizens' comments: No one signed up to speak.
 

Council comments: Councilman Ramsay provided an update on Marathon Airport issues. Councilman Keating thanked staff for all they do. Mayor Snead thanked staff as well. 

April 14, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus: Forget the Final Frontier? | Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | The more things change, the more they stay the same. I suppose I should just give up hope that our elected officials may one day show that they have some kind of a vision for the future, because in some ways, it’s like the early 1970s playing out all over again. Just like a tired old rerun, Washington continues to show an all-too-familiar lack of leadership when it comes to the space program.

I was a Space Coast kid from the 1960s. My dad really was a rocket scientist – he worked for the Chrysler Corporation on the Apollo/Saturn IB program. Even though there were political forces to reckon with back then (can anyone remember why Mission Control ended up being located in Houston, so far away from the Cape Canaveral launch site?), at least there was a unifying vision of where we needed to go, and a time frame of how soon we needed to be there. And we got there – the moon – thanks to hopes and dreams and engineers using slide rules.

What we also had were good old-fashioned reliable liquid-fueled boosters that just worked. The Apollo/Saturn IB combination was reliable, and technologically superior to the Soviets' Soyuz spacecraft. And the Saturn V was THE heavy-lift booster that not only got us to the moon, but also could have been used to really expedite the construction of the International Space Station... had it still been available. Don’t even get me started about how we totally wasted further research opportunities when we allowed Skylab to fall back to Earth.

Unfortunately, President Nixon killed the Apollo/Saturn program, leaving three moon missions on the table, dooming Skylab, and abandoning America's superior and reliable manned launch vehicles in favor of this political kludge that became the Space Shuttle. Like most other rockets, the Shuttle was built of components made by the lowest bidders.

Unlike other manned launch systems, however, the Shuttle design was compromised along the way with the addition of solid rocket boosters (basically Roman candles that can’t be shut off once ignited) and no escape mechanism for the astronauts on board. Far from a reliable “space truck,” the Shuttle is a very complex and very expensive launch vehicle that has, arguably, exceeded its original life span. Right now, however, the Space Shuttle is our only way of getting people and decent sized payloads into Earth orbit and to the International Space Station. And with only three scheduled flights remaining, we’re about to lose it.

The successor to the Space Shuttle was supposed to be NASA’s Constellation program, featuring the Ares I and Ares V boosters and a larger Apollo-like command and service module assembly. It seems that last October’s test flight of the Ares I-X may have been in vain; the Obama administration is poised to abandon the program in favor of using commercial manned and cargo launch vehicles (none of which have been flight tested yet), or just hitching a ride with the Russians, who still fly the same Soyuz spacecraft they were flying in the 1960s and 1970s (which is what we could still be doing reliably with Apollo/Saturn technology). Even the Chinese have put people into space with their own launch vehicles.

This will leave the United States – the most technologically advanced nation both on and off the planet – without a way to get astronauts into and back from space. Not only that, but there doesn’t seem to be any sort of plan or vision as to America’s future in space.

There is talk that Congress may vote to extend the life of the Space Shuttle a few years until we have another option, but without real leadership from Washington, we will no longer be leaders in space. The Constellation/Ares program wouldn’t be ready for manned flight until 2016 in the best-case scenario, with 2019 being a more likely target. The other private sector options still aren’t flight-ready and have encountered delays. Not to mention that the cancellation of the Space Shuttle program will have serious economic repercussions and loss of jobs in Florida and elsewhere.

While some may argue that space flight is a luxury we can do without during tough economic times, I argue that the benefits to humankind have far outweighed the costs in so many areas from technology to medicine and beyond. Besides, when one looks at what the government has wasted billions on over the past ten years, the entire space budget is but a drop in the bucket. And now certainly is not the time for America to hand over our leadership role in space science to someone else. But we need a vision that will set America’s course into the future, one that includes the ability for us to get people into and back from space. If we don’t outline that vision, if we just say, “Forget the Final Frontier,” then the Russians and the Chinese will become the world’s premiere space powers. And we’ll be able to visit our rockets in museums and reflect on our glory days.

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Marathon. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday (tonight) at the Relay for Life event at the Community Park, and Saturday solo at the Key Colony Inn. Tuesday finds John again at the Sunset Grille on Knight’s Key, and Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com.
 

April 16, 2010 - Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: City Takes Time Off for Ethics Stand Down. Photos, if any, are at http://MarathonJournal.US/press/. In a previous interview with City Manager Roger Hernstadt, we discussed the need for certain annual training. The Navy calls them stand downs like safety stand down, equal opportunity, discrimination, harassment, etc. Prevention and training is better than learning by experience what one should and should not do in those circumstances.
 

Bing search engine provided this statement after a search for the term “EEOC”. “The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is an independent federal agency that enforces laws against workplace discrimination.” It is a good place to start as well. Here is the web address: http://www.eeoc.gov/.
 

City staff all met up at the Marathon Fire Station #14 large conference room. The morning session covered professionalism, values, and integrity. The afternoon session covered ethics. State Attorney's Office Investigator Lopez worked through scenarios along with other general training.
 

Training is always important. Training will tell in emergency situations and the like. If you have been trained to the point of reacting to situations relying on previous training, the outcome is most often effective. Training is not just a one off, but a regular part of the annual training schedule covering those aspects specific to the organization.
 

Marathon City Manager Roger Hernstadt is to be commended on hitting the ground running. It would be so easy to let everything overwhelm you, until you just take care of the daily troublesome items. While this first event covered ethics, there are a myriad of like training topics from retention to safety to discrimination.
 

The City of Marathon staff is the best in Florida. They benefit from taking the time to address seemingly boring and useless topics. The bad part of blowing this stuff off is a serious situation that gets people in trouble and leads to firings and possibly legal actions. It is best to train to prevent such trouble. Then staff knows what to do, who to talk to, and how to react to any given situation.
 

The city’s Diana Naylor said, “I would like to give mention to you my co-workers who went above their regular duties to assist me today, I could not have done it without them:” Clara Werner, Lisa Watson, Hillary Harrison, Diane Clavier, Erin Arnett, Stacy Charlton, James Malmquist, and Adam Geaneas.

The City of Marathon in its eleventh year continues to improve and mature. We have much to be proud about in our fair city. It is paradise and home all at the same time.
 

April 17, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus: Death and Taxes. | Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | Way back in the 1980s and 90s, Roy McAdams and I were the components of a musical duo called Death & Taxes. Being the only two sure things, I thought the name was the perfect moniker for an act that featured two sick senses of humor. Plus, my willingness to be Death ensured I had top billing in the act!

But we’re not here today to talk about me. Au contraire, it’s Roy’s – I mean Taxes – turn in the barrel. This past Thursday was April 15, the dreaded day that all extensions for filing your federal tax return must be filed. This is a busy time for CPAs, attorneys, and those “tax professionals” we all hear about in disclaimers for contributions that may be “tax deductible” – but please consult your tax professional.

Here at Keys Disease Central, we were lucky enough to interview a respected tax professional, noted economist Dr. Tardon Feather, from the University of Eastern Florida’s School of Economics. We put some of the most frequently asked questions as found on the official IRS website (www.irs.gov) for Dr. Feather’s unique perspective on the issues.

Q: What are the tax changes for this year?

A: Actually, there are over 1,700 tax changes for this year, and not even a noted economist like me can keep up with them. That’s why we all buy the latest tax software packages, even though they are compiled months in advance and don’t have all the changes in them. Of course, you could just follow the IRS’s official answer and look in the “What’s New” section of your tax return package.

Q: Is there an age limit on claiming my children as dependents?

A: As always, this question has a number of possible answers. Are your adult children deadbeat unemployed slackers who sit around and watch TV and don’t do anything to try and become a productive member of society? One could convincingly argue that these wasters of perfectly good breathable oxygen are indeed still dependents who haven’t yet detached themselves from the parental teat. If, however, you are claiming your dog as a dependent, please remember that each human year is actually seven dog years, and that the IRS doesn’t look kindly upon four-year-old and over pooch deductions. For ferrets and other animals, please refer to IRS Form OU-812, Non-Farm Method for Animal Age Calculations.

Q: If I claim my daughter as a dependent because she is a full-time college student, can she claim herself as a dependent when she files her return?

A: This is the kind of convoluted question that keeps tax professionals like me employed. It’s like asking an actual stupid tourist question like “Is the water bluer on the Gulf side, or on the Ocean side?” Or like the tourist who took several empty jars with her on her jet ski trip, because she saw the different colors of water from the air and wanted to bring a sample of each color back. But I digress – the correct answer to the question is nobody really knows.

Q: What should I do if I made a mistake on my federal return that I have already filed?

A: Go immediately to the house of worship of your choice, fall on your knees, and pray to save your soul. When you have finished praying, go to your computer and download IRS Form I4-GOT. If the mistake on your original return caused an underpayment of taxes, you will be liable for the balance due, plus penalties and interest. If the mistake caused you to overpay your tax liability, only penalties and interest will be due.

Q: How much does an unmarried dependent student have to make before he or she has to file an income tax return?

A: An annual income greater than or equal to $5.12.

Q: I retired last year, and started receiving Social Security payments. Do I have to pay taxes on my Social Security benefits?

A: Yes. It’s the government’s way of getting you on both the front and back ends. The benefits you’re collecting are from the taxes you paid from your income. Now that those taxes collected are coming back to you as benefits, it’s both ironic and amusing that the government sees fit to tax them again. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Q: Any final words of advice?

A: Don’t believe everything you read in this column to be IRS-sanctioned good advice – please consult your tax professional.

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Marathon. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday (tonight) at the Looe Key Tiki Bar, and Saturday at Dockside. Tuesday finds John again at Dockside, and Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com.

April 18, 2010 - Marathon - Provided by Councilman Pete Worthington: Welcome to Marathon Wild Bird Center’s online newsletter! We are jammin’!

Because of the overwhelming number of sick and injured wild bird patients we’ve taken in to date this year (240 by mid-April), we’ve been delinquent in bringing you the February, March AND April issues of our fabulous online newsletter! So, here is what we have been up to.

Intake numbers up.

Our intake numbers significantly increased. As of late March 2009 we had taken in only 133 birds--that’s 107 more birds this year than we had at this time last year! Our biggest influx in 2010 has been Brown Pelicans: 113 of them. On average we take in about 100 throughout an entire year. The causes for their admittance into rehabilitation have varied. In addition to a number of emaciated (also known as starving) immature and mature pelicans we have had a banner year of pelicans entangled in fishing line and fishhooks. Thanks to the metal detector we purchased a few years ago and had customized to scan these fish-eating birds, we have detected numerous unseen fishhooks in their bellies. This situation is quickly remedied by volunteers who can reach deep into the birds’ stomachs to remove these life-threatening metals. In addition, torn pouches, hitting power lines and the ingestion of filleted fish carcasses are among the other reasons for rescues.

Fifteen years and going strong

The March 7, 2010 issue of Keys Sunday featured a cover story on the Marathon Wild Bird Center (MWBC) facility marking our 15^th anniversary, which was officially March 15^th. Throughout the story, reporter Karen Quist highlighted the dedicated work we’ve accomplished and the road we’ve traveled to get where we are today. She also mentioned the unusually high fish bills we’ve had to date. During 2009 we spent a total of $14,000 on frozen fish and at the time the story came out, we had spent more than $6,000 this year. Funding has been steady, but is not what it should be because of the economy. However, we are hopeful that things will pick up and we will have a successful 15^th Anniversary Bird-day Celebration in June (when things are less hectic for us) and an equally successful 5^th Annual Non-Event this coming December. In the meantime, please don’t hesitate to make a contribution of any size by mail or through our website at www.marathonwildbirdcenter.org. As always, we make every penny count!

The rare and the endangered

Every year brings with it surprise species of birds. Some years it is a bird species we haven’t seen in a while and sometimes it’s a bird species we have never seen at the Bird Center. This year we have had several unusual visitors. On February 8^th a Wood Stork was rescued on US 1 at the north end of Marathon. A Marathon local called the Bird Center to report that the bird was standing next to the highway looking somewhat confused. The bird, an endangered migratory bird, was indeed out of its normal range, nursing an injured foot that had apparently caused it to become quite hungry. This was the first Wood Stork for the MWBC and quite a handful. Upon admitting it, we fed the bird fish, and plenty of it, while its injured foot healed. On March 1^st we released it within its normal range close to the Everglades.

On January 16^th a Peregrine Falcon was rescued from a private residence on Grassy Key. Unfortunately the bird was suffering from an advanced infection in one of its elbows. This type of injury is non-reversible and we immediately knew that the bird would never be releasable. However, because Peregrine Falcons were only removed from the endangered species list in 1999, many nature centers are still eager to receive them to train as education birds. We contacted our friends at the Batchelor Bird-of-Prey Center in Miami who put us in touch with an enthusiastic gentleman named Clive Pinnock. Clive works at the Okeeheelee Nature Center in West Palm Beach and was tickled at the opportunity to acquire his dream bird--a Peregrine Falcon. Since Clive took possession of the bird in early March he has called to report how well its training is going. Clive is in heaven working with this gorgeous specimen and has even taken it to its first educational presentation. Like a proud parent, Clive said the bird did an A+ job when it was presented to a group of kindergarten students. A win-win situation!

March 12^th was yet another day on which we received a rare bird. An adult hawk was rescued by volunteer JD Fagan near Stirrup Key in Marathon. Upon returning to the Bird Center with the bird, JD commented that he didn’t think it was a Broadwinged Hawk, a species he has gotten used to rescuing this winter. Indeed it was not. The bird was a dark-phased Short-tailed Hawk. Over the last 15 years we have only had one other Short-tailed Hawk and have learned that they are extremely rare. It is estimated that there are fewer than 300 breeding pairs in Florida, the only North American state that it inhabits. Twice it has been proposed to be listed as endangered, yet twice such a request has been declined because of lack of data on the birds’ species. A Catch-22 when there are so few birds for scientists to study! This particular patient of ours showed no immediate signs of injury. We were hopeful that its grounding might be because of a bruised wing, but more fearful that in three day’s time we would learn the inevitable--that it had been electrocuted. Unfortunately, by early the following week, our worst fears were realized and we knew the unfortunate outcome. The left wing was beginning to swell and turn gray, a sign it was dying, and the bird’s foot was also swelling. Ultimately both the bird’s wing and foot died and the hawk had to be euthanized. Had the foot not died we would have been able to place this rare bird in a permanent home as an educational wildlife ambassador. Unfortunately, there are no captive breeding programs yet established for this rare bird species.

A hero among us!

This year, our dedicated part-time employee of one plus years, Evelyn Wilson, was honored at our local animal shelter, Stand Up for Animal’s, annual Animal Hero of the Year Award banquet. Evelyn has one of the dirtiest jobs in the Keys taking care of an average of over 100 sick and injured wild birds each day. And by each day we mean seven days a week. Since last summer Evelyn has been busting her tail to help keep our bird pens clean and our birds’ bellies full! Lately, however, Evelyn has been stepping up her responsibilities and tending to all routine business on Wednesdays so director Kelly Grinter can take a day off. In exchange Evelyn is now taking Thursdays off for a much needed rest. Congratulations Evelyn--we’re so glad you’re here for us and our resident and patient birds!

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As you can tell, we have plenty to keep us busy, and every donation makes it a little easier for us to continue our work. You can mail a check of any amount to Marathon Wild Bird Center, P. O. Box 501328, Marathon, FL 33050, or you can visit our web site at www.marathonwildbirdcenter.org to donate online. Because we are a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, your donation is tax deductible. Remember: if you ever find a sick or injured bird, please give us a call at 305.743.8382. We answer this line 24 hours a day.

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Winter/Spring Events offer tons of fun!

In February, director Kelly Grinter had some fun taping a short “video clip of the week” for the Florida Keys Tourism Association’s web site. It had been a while since Kelly was in front of a video camera, but luckily the friendly crew didn’t mind repeating the takes until what she had to say about the birds and the Florida Keys came out smoothly. We’ll let you know when and where you can view this video clip as soon as it’s completed.

March was a busy month! In addition to tending to our patients, we spent the weekend of the 13^th & 14th hosting our educational booth at Marathon’s Original Seafood Festival. This year, more than 20,000 people attended the big event. As always, our fabulous volunteers stepped up to the plate to offer their help with erecting, manning and dismantling the booth. We had ample folks to talk to and answered many of the same questions over and over again, such as “Why do some pelicans have gold-colored heads while others have white heads?” or “If a bird loses a wing, can you transplant another one on?” Needless to say we educated a lot of people, reconnected with folks we haven’t seen in a while and gained some new friends for the Bird Center. A special thank you goes out to Mary Slawson and Joanie Croton for all the hard work they put into making our “Treasure Table” a monetary success! Friends and volunteers donated new items that these ladies spent days boxing and wrapping. Once piled high on a lovely table in the booth, festival goers got to choose their “treasure” for a standard $10.00 donation! The fundraiser was not only fun, but also profitable for our feathered friends! Betsy the blind pelican, TJ the Burrowing Owl, Red the Red-shouldered Hawk and Sweetie the American Kestrel of Cuban descent each made appearances over the weekend to help us get our message out. We especially thank them for their continued good will efforts.

Soon after Easter Sunday we bid a fond farewell to a number of our awesome “snowbird volunteers.” Unfortunately, they left a tad too early as we still had several more event obligations to fulfill. In early April volunteers Karyn Buckley and Rob Qually (our ’09 summer intern, who will be joining us again this summer, was here to help on his spring break) took Red and Sweetie down to the Key West Botanical Garden for a live bird presentation. Migration Mania was in full swing at the garden and Karyn was asked to return after providing a smashing educational presentation last year! The next two weekends found our volunteer Rudy the Raptor Guy (aka Rudy Branchel) creating a positively successful hit with his presentations about how birds-of-prey become injured during migrations. His talk described the reasons the birds get hurt, how we attempt to rescue them and the various ways we rehabilitate them so they can “get on with it,” meaning their migration! Rudy was very pleased that his latest protégé, Merlin, a Merlin Falcon he is training for us, gave an outstanding performance on this, one of his first public appearances.

To top off the spring, April was the 13^th Annual Earth Day Celebration at Bahia State Park. Since our inception 15 years ago, we have participated at this event almost every year since they developed it. There is nothing more pleasant than spending a day overlooking the crystal clear waters of this award-winning park to end the season. Volunteer Joanie Croton joined director Kelly Grinter, Betsy the blind pelican and Sweetie the American Kestrel of Cuban descent at the booth. Lots of good-natured folks, both kids and adults, stopped by, admired our educational birds, asked questions and shared their stories with us. One lady, who arrived in a wheelchair, cautiously stood up so that she could reach into Betsy’s playpen to feel how super soft and silky her feathers are. The lady was almost in tears as she announced how much she had always wanted to touch a pelican.

Loon in the lagoon

Fifteen years ago, when the first loon patients arrived at the MWBC, their chances of survival were slim. The reason for that is that the Common Loon is one of the most difficult patients to rehab and successfully release. Director Kelly Grinter tried and tried to save these unique birds with little success. Loons’ legs are set far back on their bodies to make them strong swimmers. This means they cannot stand or perch like other birds. The birds often develop keel (chest bone) and leg sores rather quickly when kept on a soft bed of linens. To make matters worse, these birds are only out of the water for one of four reasons: 1) they’re flying!, 2) they occasionally sleep on the sea grass along the shoreline, 3) they’re nesting along the edge of the water or 4) they’re sick or injured. Since loons spend so much time in the water they have very thick down which can cause them to quickly overheat out of the water. Also, the down loses its waterproofing quality if it becomes soiled with fecal matter, such is the case when the bird is positioned on linens in a cage.

In the early days, Kelly contacted a loon expert in Massachusetts. Dr. Mark Pokras of Tufts University has extensive experience with loons and offered his advice. Unfortunately, it was hard advice to follow. Dr. Pokras advised Kelly that if she couldn’t recondition a loon in a matter of two short weeks that it would be in the bird’s best interest to euthanize it. This was a hard pill to swallow when a rehabber’s goal is to return a bird to the wild, even if it does take a few weeks or months. Dr. Pokras explained the conditions mentioned above and pointed out that there are no loons in captive displays, at places like zoos and aquariums, because they don’t do well in enclosures for extended periods of time.

However, a few years ago that all changed for the Bird Center. Knowing that loons need a large span of water from which to take off-- documented to be about one-quarter mile--Kelly decided to try an outpatient program with the next loon admitted to the Bird Center. Behind our facility at Crane Point is the Crane House. This is the original estate built on the property back in the 1950s. And, behind it sits a beautiful lagoon that the Crane Family used as their swimming hole--and it’s less than one-quarter mile in length. The lagoon almost always boasts crystal clear saltwater that arrives via a grated culvert from the bay. A concrete patio along one side of the lagoon offers a place for people to stand. Other than that, the whole lagoon is surrounded by lush mangrove trees that prevent a loon from hopping out and escaping before it’s ready. Volunteers constructed a floating loon platform just in case the patient became tired. Normally, loons sleep through the night on the water’s surface, but a recuperating bird might become fatigued and fearful of drowning.

Over the years we have almost perfected our strategy for this “outpatient loon rehab.” Once we examine a loon and determine it to be a good rehab candidate, we rehydrate it and coax it to eat fattening dead fish, such as capelin, on its own. If all goes well, we transfer the bird to the lagoon usually within the first 72 hours after the rescue. Our latest loon patient was rescued from the shoreline of Grassy Key on March 11^th. This adult female loon, still in winter plumage, had become emaciated because of a mass of driftnet material that was tightly wrapped around her bill. Not only could she not open her mouth, but also her jaws had become infected from the rubbing of the thin monofilament netting. After three days of rehydrating fluids, tasty capelin (a fish that is naturally part of a loon’s diet) and antibiotics, we moved the bird to the lagoon. At first we were afraid we may have made the decision to put the loon in the lagoon too soon. The bird stayed toward the back of the lagoon which was too far for us to throw it the fish it needed twice a day to get stronger. Volunteer JD Fagan slipped one of our kayaks into the lagoon and quietly paddled to its far side. From a closer vantage point he tossed fish in her direction. Amazingly, she took the bait, so to speak, and dove under for the sinking meal. Success! For the next 24 hours we kayaked over to the loon to toss her fish. Luckily, we soon found that if we waved her breakfast or dinner in the air from the concrete patio she would dive under water and swim in our direction. We’d toss the fish in her path. She’d snag and consume it under water and then turn to swim away. It might be a minute or two before she’d resurface. Apparently our loon patient loved her new “hospital room” and continued to thrive. Then the time came when we asked just how do we think we’re going to get this loon out of the lagoon . . . to release her back into the wild? After weeks of debating the dilemma we stumbled upon a possible solution. In the meantime Loony Tunes continued to grow stronger and stronger, eating fewer fish at her scheduled feedings because she was no longer in such dire need or she was fishing on her own in the lagoon!

It was at our booth at the Bahia Honda Earth Day Celebration recently that director Kelly Grinter said “Eureka!” A visitor to the booth asked her if there were any loons in the Keys. Kelly responded with a yes, followed by her own surprise. She remembered that in 1998 a couple researchers studying the effects of mercury on loons had approached her. They were looking for someone with a boat who would take them out to locate loons. The trips were scheduled late at night, departing the dock in the dark at 11:00 p.m. The reason was that they were trying to locate loons that were asleep on the water’s surface. While out on her friend’s pontoon boat with the researchers, Kelly noticed the scientist offering an eerie loon-like call into the darkness. She asked what he was doing and he said, “I’m calling loons, asking them ‘Where are you, where are you?’” Amazingly in response, a wild, free floating loon would answer, “Over here, over here”! As it turned out, loons are a lot like a deer in a car’s headlights . . . they basically freeze when the light is shone directly into their eyes. The result was that the group could move right up to the wild loon and scoop it up with a net to obtain blood and feather samples for mercury content before banding the bird and releasing it. Ah, “Eureka!” Kelly thought out loud at the booth at Bahia Honda! We’ll put the kayaks back in the water later this week and, after the sun goes down, find our Loony Tunes, temporarily stun her with a flashlight to the eyes, net her and, if all goes well, release her into the bay within minutes! Stay tuned--we’ll let you know how we make out in next month’s online newsletter for the Marathon Wild Bird Center!

Special thanks!

Friends--thank you for your patience while we’ve been so busy helping our feathered friends this winter season!

Spread the word

Enjoyed this newsletter? Please forward it to a friend! And don’t forget to visit our web site at www.marathonwildbirdcenter.org for lots more information and photos.

Marathon Wild Bird Center P.O. Box 501328 Marathon, FL 33050 MM 50 at Crane Point Hammock Phone: (305) 743-8382 Fax: (305) 743-8172 Website: www.marathonwildbirdcenter.org

April 19, 2010 - Islamorada - Councilman Dave Purdo: Contractor Preference Announcement. Please pass this on to all local contractors here in the upper and lower Keys.

I have put on the agenda for the April 22, 2010 council meeting  a  discussion that would allow contractor preference when RFP bids are sent out by the Village of Islamorada.  I would like to see are local bids be as high as 10% over outside side contractors be considered. I tired of our tax  money leaving the Keys when our locals, live in the Keys, raise there family in the keys and spend there money in the Keys. Marathon has a similar law and I believe Islamorada needs one also. 
 

I would like to see all of  our locals residents there to show support for this discussion so that we may draft a ordinance that will assist all of our locals. We are in a slow economy and our workforce need all the help they can get.
 

Thank you and God Bless

David Purdo

Councilman Village of Islamorada
PO Box 158
Islamorada FL 33036
 

April 20, 2010 - Monroe County - Alison Higgins: Earth Day Letter to the Editor.

Earth Day Letter to the Editor

One year ago today I wrote a letter to the editor urging for action.   I was frustrated at the pace of change at the County level, especially related to recycling.  I am pleased this year, on the 40^th anniversary of Earth Day, to say that these times they are a changing.

While the 5 year waste contract did get passed with a few small changes, then Mayor George Nugent convened a Solid Waste Committee, which has a goal of 75% waste diversion, and just completed a 5 Year Plan to find ways to reduce waste, and increase reuse and recycling. The committee has pledged to utilize best management practices and work together across all local governments for economies of scale.  One brilliant example is of the “piggyback” clause by the City of Key West on its contract for a Solid Waste Master Plan, which would allow the County (or others) to utilize the same rates contracted by Key West.  A savings for all.

On a whole other level, the Monroe County Green Initiatives Task Force is looking into a much bigger picture than originally planned.  First convened to advise the County Commissioners of green building incentives, it has now completed one year of also being responsible for not only a wider variety of green initiatives and grants, but also sea level rise adaptation.  This group, led by Doug Gregory, is also very inclusive, and includes seats for all five local governments as well as our major utilities.  Besides their progress towards a community greenhouse gas inventory and Climate Action Plan, the group is currently working on green recommendations to the county Comprehensive Plan.

On Friday, April 30^th GLEE will hold its 8^th meeting of the Keyswide SustainAbility Project, where we will hear from all our local policy makers on what they have accomplished over the past year, including the results from Key West’s Recycling Education campaign, Florida Electric Co-op’s Simple Solar Program, and Marathon’s storm water design award.  We invite you to watch their reports via www.keysGLEE.com from 1-4pm. 

You want action?  We got action!

Alison Higgins,

President, GLEE

PO Box 754, Key West, FL

305-923-1783

Alison Higgins
Land Conservation Program Manager
The Nature Conservancy, Florida Keys
O) 305-745-8402 x 111
C) 305-923-1783
F) 305-745-8399

April 24, 2010 - Marathon - John Bartus: Keys Disease Physical Graffiti. | Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | While performing a certain bodily function within the confines of a men’s restroom, I couldn’t help but notice, right before my eyes, inscribed within a hastily- drawn heart on the wall above the urinal for all to see: “Dave & Dawn ’03.”

I couldn’t help but wonder at how much love this man Dave must have felt for his beloved Dawn. So much love, that while performing a certain bodily function, he was compelled to take pen in hand (the other hand) and scrawl his message so that other guys performing that same bodily function would read of his unending devotion to Dawn. I was moved. I could also sense that there had been other movements in that same room, although I’m sure that not all of them were related.

Dave’s labor of love reminded me of other bathroom graffiti I have seen in the past. In addition to the usual “For a good time, call...” there have been some quite clever inscriptions, some of which I’ll share with you here.

Next to the hand blow dryer: “Push button for 2-minute speech by Richard Nixon.” And above the toilet: “Bill Gates downloads here.”

Sign in a swimming pool restroom: “We don’t swim in your toilet. Please don’t pee in our pool.” Sign above a toilet: “We aim to please. You aim too, please!”

Written on the condom machine: “Don’t buy this gum – it tastes like rubber.”

Sign on the inside of a toilet stall: “Patrons are requested to remain seated for the entire performance.” And a sign in a local restroom: “Employees must wash hands. If employees are unavailable, please wash your own hands.”

Written on the interior of a toilet stall door: “Congratulations! You’ve won a free game of Toilet Tennis! Look left!” Written on the left stall wall: “Look right!” Written on the right stall wall: “Look left!” You may want to try and actually visualize this happening to someone.

Written on a since-remodeled local restroom wall: “Dyslexics of the world: Untie!” This one seen in a school restroom: “Flush twice – this has to go all the way to the cafeteria!”

Written in a restroom years ago: “Question authority.” And right beneath it: “Why?” In a convenience store restroom: “To some, it’s a six-pack. To me, it’s a support group.” And in a public restroom stall: “I feel so strongly about bathroom graffiti, I signed a partition.”

Above a urinal in a local restroom: “Rehab is for quiters.” Right beneath it: “And for bad spelers.” I swear I am not making this up.

Here is some more actual bathroom graffiti from around this great nation of ours. From a men’s room in Arizona: “To do is to be. –Descartes. To be is to do. –Voltaire. Do be do be do. –Frank Sinatra.” And this from another Arizona location: “It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.” And from Armand’s Pizza in Washington, D.C.: “If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then let’s all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.”

The battle of the sexes is always a hot topic on restroom walls. Consider this gem found over a women’s restroom mirror: “You’re too good for him.” And this from the women’s room in (I swear) Dick’s Last Resort in Dallas: “If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.”

Men, don’t feel slighted. Here are some slightly abridged words of wisdom from Linda’s Bar & Grill in North Carolina: “No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.” And one to which both sexes can relate, from a women’s restroom in Montana: “Make love, not war. Hell, do both – get married!”

None of us here at Keys Disease Central actually suggest that anyone reading this column go out and start defacing restroom walls with a Sharpie. Besides, many public restrooms have come a long way in terms of cleanliness, appearance, fixtures, and those few automated motion-sensing paper towel dispensers that actually dispense enough paper towel footage sufficient to dry one’s hands. When it comes to bathroom graffiti, it is far better to read than deface. Just write your message on the paper towels instead.

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Marathon. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday (tonight) at Dockside, and Saturday solo at the Key Colony Inn. Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com.

April 26, 2010 – Marathon - L. E. Shaffer: City Code Provides Details, Misunderstandings, & Other Idiosyncrasies. Photos, if any, are at http://MarathonJournal.US/press/. The Marathon City Code is available on the city’s website at http://www.marathonflorida.org. Each commission, committee, task force, and even council is governed by this code. The city code contains the Comprehensive Plan, the document that makes everything possible. Before the Comprehensive Plan, the Florida legislature passed the City of Marathon’s charter, also in the City Code. Ordinances, general code, and the Land Development Regulations (LDRs) are in the code as well.

So let us review. The City Code is made up of the charter, the Comprehensive Plan, ordinances, the general code, and those pesky LDRs. There were a number of joint meetings attended by City Council and the Planning Commission considering the details of the Comprehensive Plan and the LDRs. The final details were hammered out before submission to the Department of Community Affairs (DCA). That was years ago.

That is where the rub comes in. The specific mission of the Planning Commission is listed in the LDRs. The original actionable items are not up to date. The new list of actionable items currently in the appropriate LDR does exist and is different from the original.

The city website has the old actionable items listed, and that has lead to some confusion as to exactly who does what between the City Council and the Planning Commission. A lot of smart people believe that the Planning Commission only recommends and advises City Council. That is the old way. Through efforts led by Councilman Mike Cinque at the time, the Planning Commission was assigned four actionable items and the City Council four actionable items. Actionable actions are all about final approval.

In an effort to get those details corrected, I have been assured that the correct actionable items list will replace the very old one currently on the city website. So, here, I will try to list who has final approval over what. This comes from LDR Section 101.02 – (Planning Commission) Powers and Duties.

A recent Keynoter article by Ryan McCarthy implies that the Addision appeal of the Walgreen’s beer and wine license was considered by the Planning Commission and automatically sent to the Council for final decision.

Factually, the Addison appeal was submitted to the Planning Commission for hearing and final decision. That is it; the deal is done. So why is it at the Council now? Walgreen is appealing the decision of the Planning Commission trying to get a different outcome. It is kind of like the court system. After going through all the different courts, the final, final decision is made by the Supreme Court. If the aggrieved parties want to keep the case going, there could be several appeals. If either party can’t or won’t take further action, then the final decision of the Planning Commission stands.

So what is the big deal? The big deal is that the Planning Commission has four actionable items and the Council has four. Mike Cinque was instrumental in empowering the Planning Commission with such responsibility. For years, the system has worked to the benefit of all Marathon residents. That is the big deal. Details are important.

April 27, 2010 - Marathon - former Mayor Marilyn Tempest: Reasoned Response to Above Article. WALGREENS is the perfect example of a situation that pits the growth of the city against the desires of a group of individuals. It is emotional and everyone has an opinion. It is for issues such as this that we have city code, land development regulations (LDRs), and comprehensive plan. These documents guide the Planning Commission and the City Council in the conduct of the city's business. They are not perfect, and must be amended from time to time to update the needs of the city, but they are the law of our land. Therefore, I was shocked at the approval of the appeal regarding the Walgreen's request to sell wine and beer at the 52nd St. location. It went against current city policy. The decision should be reversed. 
 

The Planning Commission had authority to act on the appeal filed by Mr. Addison on the Walgreen's issue. There is an attorney there to advise the Commission on the code. There is nothing in our code that prevents the sale of beer and wine at the proposed location. There are many others in the area permitted to make such sales. It is first and foremost the job of the Planning Commission to uphold the law of the City of Marathon. All decisions must be in accordance with the law, regardless of the preferences of the appellant, the commissioners, or any other person. I believe the Planning Commission exceeded its authority by effectively "changing" the conditional use provisions in our LDRs without benefit of Council or DCA review.  
 

Having said that, if the appellant makes a case that suggests that a change to the law is needed, then the recommendation for change to the law should be made to Council. Only Council can change laws. Until such time as the law is changed, there is no choice but to deny the appeal. The Planning Commission has no other choice. 

 We have a clean process in place. It was not followed when the appeal was heard at the Planning Commission. So the Walgreens appeal should properly be at Council for final decision. It is our hope that the proper action is taken now.
 

April 27, 2010 – Marathon – L. E. Shaffer: Marathon City Council Regular Meeting Marathon at the Government Center, 2798 Overseas Hwy. Photos, if any, are available at http://MarathonJournal.US/journal/press/index.htm. Meeting recording is available at Videos_&_Sound_Recordings_Selected_Events. This article is not in chronological order. Instead the most important actions are at the top.

I found the most interesting item this council meeting was Resolution 2010-42. It granted the First Florida Keys Properties, Inc, appeal of the Planning Commission decision to grant the Adison appeal to deny Walgreens a beer and wine license. The council found that the Planning Commission made a material error in granting the Adison appeal. The basis for this decision is supposedly the Planning Commission ignoring the meeting minutes of the original project presentation. In a strictly legal sense that is true.

Still, it is based on a false presumption. The recording for that original meeting is missing either by accident or some other means. Therefore the Planning Commission did not accept the minutes drawn up by “recollection.” Some argue that the Planning Commission approved those minutes, and that is the main issue. Again, this is false. Without the missing recording there is no positive means to identify whether all alcohol was disallowed or just liquor being disallowed. Therefore the Planning Commission did not accept the meeting minutes as accurate or factual. Having found that the project was not to serve any alcohol, the Planning Commission voted 3 to 2 to grant the Adison appeal thus disallowing Walgreens beer and wine license.

Still, Walgreens appealed the Planning Commission decision. Council heard all the evidence and granted Walgreens appeal. That allows Walgreens to have their beer and wine license. With all the uproar you would think Hitler himself crapped on the floor. Actually, the system worked.
 

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Call to Order, Pledge of Allegiance, Roll Call, etc. are sometimes the most interesting parts of any council meeting and often times not. What?

Council took care of some routine business to take care of the minutes and several proclamations. Those are Motorcycle Safety Awareness Month Proclamation, Be Kind to Animals Week Proclamation, April Pools Day Proclamation, and Fishermen’s Hospital Kim Bassett accepted the proclamation for organ donors.

Airport/Customs Meeting of 4/21/10 Update: Councilman Ramsay has done a good job with this issue. His slow, methodical presentation though has a sleep inducing effect. Noise issues are going to come up soon and that has the potential to turn nasty. Monroe County owns and operates the airport. A cooperative effort with Marathon will be difficult. Residents need to get ready to show up in droves to be heard when these hearings are scheduled.

Councilman Worthington spoke to helping people hook up to the wastewater system through grants and other similar programs. The Community Block Development Grant Citizen’s Advisory Task Force has been working on this issue to find funding to help low-income families and hopefully more above that income level.

City Manager Roger Hernstadt covered several dry issues like the lateral permit clarification, E-Waste Collection Partnership Update, 2010 ISO Evaluation Report, Dirt Sale Proceeds for Lateral Grant Program

"Red Carpet Tours" Chamber Quarterly Report by Daniel Samess: He reported that progress is being made through this chamber project. The effort is to make Marathon more attractive to tourists, new businesses in the city, and improving the local economy.

Request for Qualifications – Legal Services: Councilman Ramsay said that only two responded, one of which is the current legal firm. He then recommended keeping the current firm. Council agreed.

Charter Enforcement Report: City Attorney John Herin reported that charter violations at present would have to fall to the council itself. There was talk about contracting with the state attorney’s office to provide enforcement services.

Resolution 2010-40: Florida Keys Animal Encounters, LLC will develop commercial buildings as a start to their Sea Life Amusement Park and Marine Educational Facility. The location is particularly suited to such endeavors. At Vaca Cut Bridge the property is the Overseas Highway and 117th Street, Gulf intersection.

Resolutions approved by council: Resolution 2010-43 denied the Kyle appeal of the city issuing a Right-Of-Way Use Permit for traffic-calming gates located on Kyle Way.

Resolution 2010-44 authorized a change order for more construction funding for both service areas 3 and 7 wastewater treatment plants. 

Resolution 2010-45 authorized a change order for more construction funding for a portion of Service Area 3 collection system.

Resolution 2010-46 changed the way the Community Image Advisory Board appointments are made.

April 29, 2010 - Marathon - Blair Shiver: The Shiver Report on Council Actions. Chamber Efforts Continue in New Business Recruitment. Red Carpet Tour Committee Updates Council. Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers.

If you invite them, they just may come.

The Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce has rolled out the red carpet to new and existing small businesses around the globe, and their efforts to date have proven worthwhile.

Chamber CEO Daniel Samess reported on behalf of the Red Carpet Tour committee to the Marathon City Council during their regularly scheduled meeting Tuesday night that because of the committee’s relationship with Enterprise Florida as well as their marketing efforts, nine national and international businesses are currently considering Marathon as their new home.

“If we can get a couple of these to commit to relocating or opening in Marathon, then our work will be worthwhile,” Samess told the council.

Enterprise Florida, Inc. is the state’s primary organization for promoting economic development. They focus on a wide range of industry sectors including: clean energy, life sciences, IT, aviation/aerospace, homeland security/defense, financial/professional services and manufacturing. EFI works in collaboration with a network to business development organizations to improve the state’s business climate and improve global competitiveness.

Samess said his committee has been in contact with a solar-photovolactic systems company from Austria that’s also interested in launching an academy to certify installers; a Brazilian medical equipment supplier; a German-based manufacturer and retailer of inflatable boats; a Maryland family looking to establish fishing charter business and small manufacturing firm; a financial firm specializing in wealth management; an Italian-based spice company; and an Ireland-based IT firm that provides operating systems for wireless data and telecommunications industries.

The creation of new businesses will have an extremely powerful economic impact on our community by creating jobs, increasing tax revenues and creating additional services, market and industries, Samess encouraged.

He added that two web addresses, www.marathonredcarpet.com and www.relocatetothefloridakeys.com had been secured, developed and were fully functional. Nearly 2,500 page views this year have proved interest from across the country, Canada, Brazil, Australia, India, Thailand and Germany.

The committee requested that a link to their website be placed on the city’s home page, and City Manager Roger Hernstadt assured that would be no problem.

In other business:

• City attorney John Herin reported back to the council on their request to clarify who is responsible for enforcing the city’s charter. Herin explained that the difference between criminal and non-criminal violations of the city’s charter is that with violations deemed non-criminal, the city is responsible for enforcing their own charter.

Councilman Pete Worthington questioned exactly what ordinances or city laws the state attorney is responsible for enforcing.

Herin said if, for example, the city decided to criminalize drinking in public places, the city would be required to have a budget for enforcement as well as prosecution.

“You’d have to pay for the alleged violator’s defense attorney,” he continued. “A charter violation is not the same as an ordinance violation under Florida law. Florida Case Law says a charter is not an ordinance. You couldn’t enter into an agreement with the state attorney’s office to enforce an ordinance violation and then also use it for the charter, unless you were to adopt some type of mechanism to say a charter violation constitutes an ordinance violation.”

“We don’t have any ordinances in the city that have criminal penalties,” Councilman Mike Cinque continued. “It’s all civil. If we were to pass an open container law like some city’s have, then it would become a criminal act, and that would be something the state attorney would have to punish. Thank God we haven’t had to penalize that.”

• The council approved changes to the Florida Keys Animal Encounters facility proposed for the property at 117^th Street and Vaca Cut. Changes to the conditional use permit included elimination of workforce housing and a tiki hut styled facility instead of the “bricks and mortar” type structure previously proposed.

Planning Director George Garrett said some of the changes were signs of the economic times, but that all were in compliance and his staff recommended the council approve the changes.

“I’m personally thrilled about this,” said Mayor Ginger Snead. “This will really help bring a different group of tourists to Marathon and help promote ecotourism.”

• In a public hearing, attorney Ed Scales presented evidence and called witnesses to clarify any confusion of the Planning Commission’s initial approval of a 2APS license that would allow a proposed new Walgreen’s slated for the site of the former Gary’s Pub to sell beer and wine.

Following testimony from Brian Schmitt of First Florida Keys Properties, Inc. as well as Barbara Mitchell of The Craig Company, only one opponent – Dave Addison - spoke against approving the proposed beer and wine license. Ten proponents, among them former councilwoman Marilyn Tempest, local business owners and real estate agents and an employee of Walgreen’s, supported granting the appeal for a beer and wine license that would allow First Florida Keys Properties, Inc. to move forward with their proposed plan.

With Worthington abstaining from the vote, the council unanimously approved granting the appeal that would allow approximately 150 square feet of the entire 15,000 square feet of space to be used for beer and wine sales.

May 1, 2010 - Florida Keys - John Bartus - Keys Disease: Stupid Is As Stupid Says | Weekly Columns | Keys Disease | Courtesy of The Weekly Newspapers | Former Vice President Dan Quayle had books of his famous quotations published (something to which our current VP seems to aspire). Quayle had the dubious talent of uttering some of the funniest unintentional things ever spoken. I’ve devoted prior columns to our former VP in years past, so this column will tackle a few other famous extemporaneous utterances.

Let’s begin with a comment made by the man who won the election part of the 2000 presidential selection process. Former Vice President Al Gore has uttered some classics throughout the years. “When my sister and I were growing up,” Mr. Gore told a small audience made up mostly of women, “there was never any doubt in our minds that men and women were equal, if not more so.” How is one more equal? And while criticizing Dub-ya, Gore actually said, “A zebra does not change its spots.” Hmm. Gore’s former boss (Bill Clinton) actually said, “Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.” Oops!

Another classic from Dub-ya’s dad: “I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.” And this: “It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another.”

Bob Dole once had this to say, “You read what Disraeli had to say. I don’t remember what he said. He said something. He’s no longer with us.” And the former Pepsi/Viagra spokesman also had this to add: “The Internet is a great way to get on the net.”

Wally Hickel, one of Sarah Palin’s predecessors as Governor of Alaska, actually said, “You can’t just let nature run wild.” Palin might be inclined to agree, especially while taking aim at a moose from a helicopter.

But it’s not just politicians. Our lower level bureaucrats make their share of language laughs. A letter from the IRS had these actual instructions to a taxpayer: “Please provide the date of your death.” And how about this helpful (and likely federally-mandated) warning: “CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children.” That’s just plain good advice, like this warning from a Batman costume for kids: “Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.”

Sometimes government officials say incredible things when attempting to debut a new device, like this classic from former FCC Chairman Mark S. Fowler: “If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”

Navy Rear Admiral James R. Hogg offered this brilliant observation: “The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman.” Thank God – I was beginning to have questions!

Even the Duke himself, John Wayne, came up with this gem: “I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.” That socialist!

Brooke Shields said once while auditioning to become an anti-cancer spokesperson, “Smoking kills, and if you die, you’ve lost an important part of your life.” Little did we know she had so much in common with Senator Barbara Boxer from California: “Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I’m still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”

Newspapers make their share of goofs, especially in their headlines, like this one from the Cincinnati Times-Star: “Most Lies About Blondes Are False.” Or from the Cleveland Daily News, “Supreme Court Rules That Murderers Shall Not Be Electrocuted Twice For The Same Crime.” And a headline in the Columbus Dispatch proudly proclaimed, “Lack of Brains Hinders Research.”

One of the great newspaper quotes was this correction, made in a British publication called the Ely Standard: “We apologize for the error in last week’s paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce.”

It can be really amusing to read other people’s goofs and gaffes, but let’s keep in mind that many of these quotes were made in the heat of the moment, sometimes under high-pressure situations. Some are simple oversight. Others, no doubt, were definite examples of genuine idiocy.

Perhaps we should wrap this up with a very telling quote from Albert Einstein: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

- John Bartus is a singer/songwriter and former Mayor of the City of Marathon. Currently serving on the Board of Directors of the Greater Marathon Chamber of Commerce, John plays with Storm Watch this Friday (tonight) at Dockside, and Saturday solo at the Key Colony Inn. Thursday, John plays solo at Sparky’s Landing. www.johnbartus.com.