Diss is Ebony and we hab a furrry nice edition diss month ub dat patty day what eber dat is. I hab dander nasties causing I got dried out and need sum oil in me diet. I lub butter, but dat human bean ub mine mushed it onto me nose. I not wike dat eben doe it were an accident. But dee worser fing was dat Abby smelt dat butter and came after me. She crazy furr butter. I not get away from her and she started to wick dat butter offing me nose. MeYukcy, I meow. But Abby is a good kitcat. You nose, she is habing a big birfday dee seventeenth. Happy birfday to her. She bee 24 bean years. My birfday is coming soon in May on dee fourth. I can't wait!

I am Abby and I is a big cat now. But eben I run run run when dat human bean come wooking furr me. It been sews dry and dee air so staticky. All dee time dat human bean reaches to touch me to pet me a big olde lightning bolt leaps offing his finger and zaps me or Ebony. Not only petting but just getting close will cause it. Yikes it makes all ub us jumpy. Dare cold weather, snow, slush, wind yuckee, and too much rain. And to hab human bean shocket us all dee time is just pain not fair, I meow.

Meowing about birfdays and stuffers wike dat and such: Dee firstest ub April is April TomFools Day. All dee tom cats are fools, I meow! Human bean's niece Toni Lee birfday is 6 April. Bean's granchile Michael birfday 12^th. Bean parents anniversary 15^th, old hunting friend Doug 16^th, cousin Art 18^th, bean granchile Alexis 23^rd, and bean's brother's anniversary 24^th. Dat a wot of special days, I meow. Bean gots too many granchiles.

Yeowsa! Dat Abby is full of boring stuffers and meows. I nose some tomcats who not fools. Ren is one. He no fool, but a true furrfriend. He is a lizard hunting eggspert. And I nose he not afraid of oxygen merchines. Human bean's fodder hab a merchine dat blows oxy stuffers out. I sneaks up on it and pawed it oncet or twicet, but it a scary merchine. Sews I jump way high when beans move dee merchine. Now I wike dee air conditioner merchine causing lizards hide dare and when day fink I is gone, day come out and jump right into me paws and mouf. But dee air condition merchine here not hab any lizards or eben crickets. It just noisees when it hot enuff. But it not been hot furr long time here in Virginnee. I bee glad when I git back to hot and lizards dat bee in Florida purrplaces, you nose?

When I Ebony get a chancet, I make a fast escape out tween bean legs, past dee front door, and into front yard. It nothing wike Florida sews I slows down to get my location. When I is about ready to eggsplore somewhares else dat human bean ub mine come outside and get me. I not minded doe causing it fun. I eggscape artists and purrfecting my artistic craft. I better dan Houdini!

I Abby finks Ebony double dee boring. I meow eggciting fings. Not Ebony. Don't bereaf her at tall. Ebony been lying about stuffers in Madam Alto's Kitty TidBit ezine cat mail fingee lots and lots. I nose I much better cat dan Ebony. I for surely am dee bestest. And who dee heck is dat Houdini? Dat a human bean or a tomcat or bof? >^..^<

Internet Stuff
We have seen many pets pass onto the Rainbow Bridge recently and, unfortunately, a few humans have passed on to a better place as well. It is terrible to lose a beloved pet. Think how hard it is to lose a human loved one, doubly tough. Jackie, our friend, has suffered such a loss but much worse. Her son was murdered recently. The mourning process is so very important. With Jackie's permission we have written this small article. The memorial page for her son, Sean, is at www.angelfire.com/mb/odonata/memorial.html.

We meet old friends all the time, but we were very surprised to hear from an old shipmate recently. He served with me aboard a Spruance-class destroyer called the Oldendorf. I served aboard the ship from early 1987 to late 1991. It was stationed overseas with Seventh Fleet at Japan. Randy Schultz told me about a website for all the ships of the class [website no longer exists now unfortunately]. Former shipmates can register there, read information and history, study decommissioning info, and about anything you might want to know about the Greyhounds of the Navy. These ships were also called the Cadillacs of the Navy because how fast, sleek, and maneuverable they are. If you want to know more about my Naval career, see the web page at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Corridor/1017/webdoc53.htm.

Hockey Puck
The true measure of a team is how well they respond when adversity strikes. The New York Rangers lost Wayne Gretzky to a month-long injury. Most pundits thought the Rangers were not going to do well. They are in the middle of a scrap trying to obtain the eighth and last playoff spot. The team went on a six-game winning streak. I am sure that they want Wayne back when he is well. The last time Gretzky had a month off his team made it all the way into the Stanley Cup Finals.

The Florida Panthers needed one more piece to get back to the Stanley Cup Finals. They got it with a blockbuster trade to get the Russian Rocket, Pavel Bure. He was just the offensive punch the team needed, as they went on their own winning streak. Then Pavel got hurt too. The Panthers did not do as well as the Rangers, but they did not lose their position in the playoff race. So they are doing well. Both teams came through in their adversities.

Writers' Blues
You have to keep writing even if it is just a line or two a day to keep the writer's block away. Yet there are other things that task us writers. Things that are funny and odd. Words especially are our bricks with which we build stories and novels. There is the word spatula. I would think that it is used to spread frosting on cake and mix batter. I don't think it is used to turn eggs or waffles over. I don't think spatula moves a piece of pie from the pie tin to the plate. So what is this thing that flips hamburgers, eggs, and waffles? Surely it can't be a spatula. Maybe it could be a turner, flipper, or a turner over? This has generated a slew of discussions everywhere I go. There are other words like this, but none that is so filled with controversy. And the dictionary is no help at all. I really feel there is a word for the non-spatula tool that turns things over. If you know what the word is, please email us quickly! We all want and need to know.

Poetry Corner
"The Rain Must Fall"
March 14, 1999

The night survived
The dark gone away
Sleep comes easily
In this sunlight

Sounds flutter endlessly
Wind breezes through
Warmth fills the soul
Eyes move to dreams

Rain begins to fall
Chaotic background
Visions of life
Fills the mind

Water runs down
Peacefully the sounds
Of winter bewildering
The heat within

Soon the dreams
Complete and memorized
End in tears
And the rain must fall

The night returns
Wakefulness fulfills
Darkness a noise
Yet to be borne

Nighttime rain
Falls sweetly
Upon the chilled air
Hum of life fills us all

In The Park
I would like to bore you with some comments based on info from Microsoft Bookshelf. Key West is a city in southern Florida situated on the island of Key West. The population is 24,832 (1990). Key West was incorporated in 1828. It ends the Florida Keys. It seems to be the most well known of the Keys cities. The city's economy revolves around tourism, commercial fishing, and United States Navy and Coast Guard installations. Points of interest include the homes of American naturalist John J. Audubon and American writer Ernest Hemingway. It has the highest average yearly and winter temperatures along with Death Valley. A desalination plant, established at Key West, produces more than two million gallons of fresh water a day, supplying the city's entire water needs. Key West is the first U.S. city whose water is supplied solely by the sea. The Intercostals Waterway ends here. Harry S. Truman got away from the pressures of Washington, D.C. in Key West. March 26, 1961 the U.S. president John F. Kennedy met the British prime minister Harold Macmillan at Key West to discuss the situation in Southeast Asia. On May 1, 1961, Cuban exile Antulio Ramirez forced a National Airlines Convair, enroute from Miami to Key West to land in Cuba. It was the world's first "skyjacking." Further skyjackings lead to the institution of searches at airports (1973). Wait, there's more!

Key Largo is a narrow island off southern Florida which begins the Florida Keys. It is the largest city of the Florida Keys. In 1948 the film Key Largo, directed by John Huston, is released in the United States, starring Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, and Edward G. Robinson. The Cotton mouse is an endangered species here. The Florida Keys has a variety of endangered species resident.

Now wasn't that a bit boring. Well, I am not done yet. Boring you that is! My impressions of Key Largo are that it is the one most like the mainland cities of South Florida. In my opinion it does not have the Florida Keys feel. It is too roomy, has too many tourists' places, is too obvious, and even has doubled-lane roads for US1. Everyone is friendly enough, but Key Largo is just too close to the mainland for me. I think it shows in the attitude as well. I am not really an expert. Of course, I have only lived here a year and not at all this year, but I am coming home soon. Let's see if I can stay longer than a year this time. Key Largo really is okay.

Key West has more of that Florida Keys feel, but it is a bit crowded and compacted for me. Well, more so than usual anyway. The politics of the city is hard to follow but mostly hilarious, except for residents I suppose. There are lots to do and see, but I don't think I want to live there. I have thought about it, but it doesn't appeal to me. Marathon seems like a perfect fit with a blend of everything.

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry and Emily with Cat Chat:

Cat Chat 2-11-99 Hi! This is Emily Mew!

And Meow Harry. Me and one of our kitty webfriends, Ebony, have been having a furry exciting discussion....

Emily: Tell them about the moon-mousies!

Harry: I'm getting to that! See, Ebony says that since the moon is made of cheese, there are lots of mousies there to catch, cause mousies eat cheese. I like cheese and mousies...

Emily: I don't like cheese furry much, but I lub mousies! Yum!!

Harry: So if we could get to the moon we would be in kitty heaven! Lots and lots of mousies to catch! And Ebony says that they are slow, cause they have to wear oxygen bottles to breath. I was worried about that, cause I really don't hunt much anymore. I'm retired, you know...

Emily: I hunts lots and lots!! I could catch them mousies wid or widout them oxy-gin bottles!

Harry: So then I asked Ebony, I said, but if the mousies have to wear oxygen bottles, then we would too, and it would be furry hard to eat mousies and cheese with an oxygen thingy on my face! But Ebony, she says that we are special, and can breath space, so we don't need no oxygen bottles!

Emily: Oooo, yes! Isn't it such a furry egg-citing thought?? So many mousies too slow to run! Heehee!

Harry: Well, at first I thought that maybe Ebony was pulling my tail, but then I thought, well, we kitties are furry furry special people, so it just makes sense that we can breath space, even though mousies and beans can't!

Emily: Right! Egg-zactaly! So, when are we going?

Harry: We have to figure out how to get there first...

Emily: Didn't the cow jump ober da moon? We could get on a cow and make it jump....

Harry: I don't know, I think that's just a story. I never seen a cow that jumped over anywhere.

Emily: You neber seen a cow!

Harry: Neither have you. But I was thinking, there isn't any aminal that can jump better than us cats, and I have never know a cat that could jump to the moon. I have seen it up in the sky, and it looks furry far away-even further than the highway!

Emily: But, but...how does we get to the moon-mousies, den??

Harry: I was thinking hard on that, and I memembered that on the teevee there are stories of cats on bean ships, and in the books that Mom reads there are cats on space ships. Now, I meow that beans have space ship, and they have gone to the moon. Any space ship surely needs cats, to keep the mousies all eaten up and make sure everything runs right, so I thought we can take a space ship!

Emily: Ummm...where does we find a space ship? Oh! Is they those noisy things that fly ober the house alla time? That place not furry far away at all. We could get there easy, I meow!

Chester: Ahem. Those things that fly over the house are little bitty airplanes. The space ships are all in Florida. Anyway, that little airport may look close, but it is further than you cats have ever gone, even if they had space ships. Which they don't.

Emily: Oh...how do we get to the moon-mousies then, Harry?

Harry: Florida? Florida is where our web kitty friends Ebony and Abby live! We can go see them, and they can show us where the space ships are!

Emily: Ooo yes, that would be furry much fun! We could hisspit and chase and eberythin, and then we could all go to da space ship place and go to da moon and eat moon mousies! Um...where is Florida?

Harry: I'm not sure, but it can't be far, cause when we paw to Ebony and Abby, it takes only a few minute or two to paw back, if their bean has the puter on.

Chester: You silly cats! Florida is way far away! Mom would have to drive you in the car.

Emily: Hissssss!!! Da car! Me don't get in no car no way no how, cept when Mom pushes me into that box and takes me to the Vet bean.

Harry: I hate cars too. I don't want to ride in the car to Florida!

Chester: If you don't like riding in the car, you're going to like riding on a space ship even worse!

(long pause) Harry: We can't walk?

Chester: Oh, sure. It would only take you, oh, two or three moons.

Emily: Two or three moons! Away from our cozy house and Mom and da bed and da frigedater?

Harry: What would Mom do without us to help her make the bed and make the house cozy by leaving fur bits on the carpet and patrol our territory and eat all the mousies and moleses? Emily...

Emily: Me nose what you thinking, Harry. Me think it too. We needs to jus stay here.

Harry: We could maybe get Ebony and Abby to send us some moon-mousies when they go to the moon to chase them...

Emily: That's a furry good idea. You paw dat to Ebony. But now, all dis talk of mousies be making me hungry. I'm going outside to hunt.

Harry: And I'm going to take a nice catnap and dream about moon-mousies. Goodbye to all our bean and kitty friends. Paw to you all next week. And if you goes to the moon, send us some mousies! Oh, there's a pitcher of Peanut Butter below, and more pitchers of me and Em, too! (c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 2-16-99 Hi everyone! This is Meow Harry...

And Emily Mew. We hab had an interesting week. First it were furry nice out, all sunny and wid nice breezy breezes blowing stuff around, and we got to go out and play a lot!

Harry: I patrolled our territory furry thoroughly, and had to chase away that old white tom three four times at least. Mom came out and helped a couple of times. And the flowers, they are all coming up, and the bugs is flitting around...

Emily: I like chasing da bugses! But I wish da moleses would come out to play...

Harry: They will. Well, me and Em, we thought it must be Spring, cause all the flowers and bugs think it is. But then it got cold cold cold! Brrrrrrrrrrow! It got so cold that we didn't hardly leave the house two whole days!

Emily: Yeah, if it were jus a little rain or somethin that would be different, but dis was so furry eggstra cold, and there wasn't no breezy breezes but wind cold wind! It were nasty out, I meow! Eben wid my thick fur coat, me didn't want to be out no way! We noed dat Mom were cold too, cause she all bundled up was. She say it too expen-sivity to have da furnace up furry high, so da house were cold too, but not as cold as outside. Eben tho da furnace thing weren't up furry high, it turned on a lot. So I found myself a new warm cozy place to sleep. See, Mom always put out her clotheses fur the next day on top of her high dresser, and da dresser, it be right next to da heat vent. I was laying on da corner of da bed by da heat vent, cause Mom hab a blanket there fur us, but I figgered out dat it were furry much warmer up on top ob da dresser, all snuggled into Mom's clotheses! Mom walked by and seed me, and she were surprised but not mad. She kissed me and asked me if dat were a good place fur a kitty to be, and I told her, yes, it were a furry furry good cozy place fur dis kitty!

Harry: Mom was so cold she even turned on the heater box thing in the living room. I love that heater box thing! It make me so furry nice and warm. I sat in Mom's lap some, but mostly I lay by dat heater box and catnapped. I didn't hardly get up at all except fur kitchen patrol. One night even girlfriend bean came over, and it was so so cold, and I love girlfriend bean and wanted so furry much to snuggled with her, but the heater box thing, it made me so cozy and sleepy that finally I just laid down near it and went to sleep. Girlfriend bean thought it was funny, but I didn't care, cause I was so cozy and happy warm.

Emily: Oh, yeah, dat same day Mom turned on da little heater box thing in da bathroom and made da bedroom all warm. When she did dat, I got off da dresser and lay in front of dat heater box thing. I was furry happy that Mom turned it on fur me!

Harry: That heater box is too noisy!

Emily: Me care not a bit! It be warm, and dat all dat matter. We was so sleepy cozy warm, we forgot to be mad at Mom fur making it cold...

Harry: Mom didn't seem too happy about the cold either. Maybe Chester is right...merrow, it so hard to figure. It seem like she can make the rain stop, but then she acts as unhappy as us when the weather is nasty...

Emily: Me...um...I don't care so long as I is warm and cozy, but I do like da weather being nice. And it furry furry nice today-eben nicer dan before! Dar be bugses eberywhere, and you should see all da boidies! Day is zillions ob dem, all up in da trees and making alots of boidie noises. Day is so loud! I wish one or two would come down on da ground...heehee...

Harry: You wouldn't like that either! These are them birdies that they all do everything all together, never just one or two. They come every year, and perch up high high in the trees and make all kinds of cheeping and chirping and all fly together all at once. They are so many when they fly, they make they sun go away! Memember when Mom threw out those crackers when those birds were here...oh, maybe two year ago?

Emily: Oh! Oh! I memember dat! Dem boidies, day all come down fur da crackers, and da was eberywhere, all ober da roof and da porch and da yard and making so much noisy noise racket dat I were scared!

Harry: I was too, at first, cause I was in the bedroom, and didn't know what all that noise was, but then Mom and me and you, we went into the kitchen, and we could see all them birdies everywhere through the windows...

Emily: And then we meowed to Mom to let us go out and chase them boidies, but when she opened the door, they all flew off all fast and loud and all together at once. I tried to chase them, but they was up in da trees before I could flick my tail!

Harry: They was fur sure, I meow. Them kind of birdies are not good to chase. It's better when there is just one birdie, and you can stalk it real quite-like and then catch it.

Emily: Does you think them boidies dat hop around da yard alone will be back soon, Harry?

Harry: I think so fur sure. All of everything is saying that Spring is coming soon, and those silly fat birdies will be back, and their baby birdies too! And the moleses will come out from their underground tunnels, and there'll be lots of good fun stuff to stalk and chase and eat!

Emily: Oh, me can't jus hardly wait!  It will so furry fun be to catch anoder boidie! Mreeeheeheee! Mmmmm, I think I will go out again, jus in case something come dat needs to be chased!

Harry: That's a furry good idea, Em. It too nice a day is to be in here pawing on the puter keyboard. I needs to go patrolling good again, anyway. Mom! Time to let us out! Oh, goodbye, everyone! We'll paw you next week and tell you if we caught any birdies or anything!

Emily: Merow bye! Hurry Mom! Let's go out! Now now fast before dem boidies all go asleep!

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 2-24 Hi! This is me, Emily Mew...

And Meow Harry. Well, Mom really messed up on the weather yesterday, and she was sure sorry fur it too! See, it snowed some-not a lot, but there was snow on the steps and on the grass. I didn't want to go out in it, no sir I didn't! But finally I went out anyway...

Emily: I went out too fur jus a little bit and it were furry furry cold!!!! Dat wind was mean whipping wind! But Mom, she had to go out and dribe dat car to get us cat food and stuff, and she say she wanted to warm up da car. I don't know why she want to do dat, but she seem to think it furry important...

Harry: Well, she warms up the bed in the winter before we get in, doesn't she?

Emily: Dat's true. I neber thought ob it like dat. Anyway, Mom hadn't her riggedy shoes what she wear only in da snow put on yet, so she jus slipped on her clog thingies that she keep under the kitchen table. She call them birkys. Anyway, out she went to warm up da car, and den she come back in and dar were snow on da bottom of her birkys and she didn't nose dat and as soon as she step on da kitchen floor, why her feet, da jus flew right out from under her and BOOM! down she falled! She didn't fall on her feet neider, like us kitties do...

Harry: No, she didn't! She fell on a knee and an elabow. It was a Big Bad Boom, and I was scared at first...

Emily: Me too!! I runned at first, but den...

Harry: But then I saw how Mom, she was hurt a lot a lot, and moaning and gasping and lying on the floor and she couldn't get up fur many long minutes either. Then I really was scared, cause I didn't know what to do, with Mom hurt...

Emily: Harry! You interpreted me! I were gonna say dat! Well, anyway, I were furry scared too, cause I don't know how to use da phone thingy dat Mom talk on alla time. But finally she got up, and limped around and called someone dat who she was sposed to meet so as to tell dem she be late, and den after a little while longer she seem ok purrty much, but she were still limping and moaning all all day.

Harry: Purr Mom! I was feeling sorry for her, and worried too, cause I didn't know who would feed us if she was really hurt. And anyway she already hurts so much with that fibry-malgy stuff she has...

Chester: You cats don't think of anyone but yourselves! Worrying about who would feed you! Really! You don't love her at all! Besides, it's called fibromaylgia, and hurts in her muscles...

Harry: Whatever. And we do too love Mom furry much, but we know what's important! Anyway, she seems fine today, and she made sure it didn't snow again, you bet!

Emily: One ob da nicest tings tho, eben tho I sorry dat Mom were hurting, were she turned on da bafroom heater box and warmed it all up, den she and me, we took a long hot baf togeder. Well, I didn't get in da baf, ob course. I jus sit on da side on my special towel dat Mom put dar just fur me and watch da water, and sometime we play claw and bite through da shower curtain. But she got her dis yellow thingy she call her rubber ducky and it squeak and she make it squirt water at me and I don't like it, no not atall! But last night she were too tired to play, so she jus lay in da hot water and I lay on da towel and kep her company.

Harry: I just don't understand this thing about human beans and water. If the water is outside and falling from the sky, they don't like it, but if it's in the tub, they like it furry much and get all wet all over. Beans are furry strange, I meow!

Emily: Maybe we should baf her ourself. Den she wouldn't have to get wet wet alla time.

Harry: I try, Em, but she says my tongue hurts and says I have bad breath too!

Emily: Well, you do have bad breaf! You need to eat more Yum-yums and make your teeth all clean and white and den your breaf wouldn't so bad be. Mom neber tell me I hab bad breaf!

Harry: Humph! I eat some of those things, but they are too hard to crunch. I like my milk better.

Emily: Ole fuddy-duddy kitty!

Harry: Kitten with no brains!

Emily: Hissspittttt!

Harry: Hisspittt merrroowwww!

Chester: Well, those silly cats are off playing meow and chase again, so I guess it's up to me to finish this column. Heehee! Mom really is ok, just a little bruised and sore. She says she won't ever wear her birkies out in the snow again! Harry! Emily! Are you going to come say goodbye to your fans?

(In the background): Hisssspitttt, meroowww!

Chester: I guess not. Well, that's all for this week. Stay warm. Of course, I'm always warm, sitting on top of the computer. (grin) Bye everyone, from me, Chester the Dragon, and from those silly cats, Harry and Emily...

(In the background): Merrowww! Hisspitttt!!

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 3-2-99 Hi everyone! This is Meow Harry...

And Emily Mew...

And me, Chester the Dragon!

Emily: It hab bin a furry quiet week, wid notin' much happnin attal...

Harry: Just the way us kitties like it! So we all decided...

Emily: We decided dat we would tell yous all how it were dat Chester come into our house!

Harry: Emily! You always interrupt me! (swat!)

Emily: I jus get eggcited is all. Tails and Claws...

Chester: All right, you two. Let's not start this again. We have a story to tell, so let's get to it.

Harry: You're right, Chester, and when you're right you're furry right! OK, so, the thing is, see, Mom likes dragons furry much. She like them so much, she have them all over the house...

Emily: Mostly where me and Harry can't get to dem!

Harry: That's true, but they're not real dragons. They are stuffed nanamals, which we don't like to plat with anyway, and little metal dragon statue thingys, and stuff like that.

Emily: She hab a dragon frigidater magnet too, cause I sawed it oncet when it fell off da frigidater. And dar be dragons on her website too.

Harry: Yes, but those are special computer dragons. They're not like Chester at all.

Chester: I'm a computer dragon...

Harry: Yes, but not in the same way as the ones on Mom and our's site. See, now, we'll tell you all about it. Cause Mom like dragons so much, she saw this dragon in a catalogue, and she just had to have it.

Emily: It were a stuffed nanamal type dragon. At least at first it were. Anyway, Mom got it in da mail what come from da outside box thing. We neber go up to da mail box thing cause it be across da highway and dat be too fur away, and besides dar be nasty cars up dar on de highway. We don't like dem cars not atall!

Harry: Yes, cars are furry dangerous things, I meow. Specially when Mom puts us inside hers!

Emily: Merow! You said a mouful dar, Harry! Anyways, we jus hep Mom check da e-mail, what come on da computer. It furry much better dan dat old box mail, and funner too!

Chester: I thought we were supposed to be talking about me!

Harry: Sorry, Chester. Us kitties do get off the subjec sometime. Where were we? Oh! Mom got this stuffed nanamal dragon in da mail box mail. She call it snail mail, cause it's so slow. Heehee. Well, she just loved her new dragon so furry much that she put him right up in top of the computer, so she could all the time see him. She said he would protect the computer. And then something magical happened! You see, Mom have so furry much work to do on da computer...

Emily: And we tries to hep, but da keys on da keyboard be too close togeder fur us to do da typing. So one day Mom say, she say, "I sure could use some hep wid all dis computer stuff."

Harry: Well, she didn't say it like that. Mom doesn't say stuff like "hep" and "wid."

Emily: Whateber. Dat's what she say, anyway. So, dat night when Mom were sleeping...

Harry: And we were sleeping too, cause we always sleep with Mom...

Emily: Why dat stuffed nanamal dragon, he jus kinda woked up!

Harry: He sure did, and merow, did he surprise me the next morning when I got in my computer chair! He started talking to me, and I didn't know what was going on!

Chester: You should have seen you're face, Harry! It was so funny! Heeheehee...

Harry: You should have seen yours! You were so happy to be a real dragon that you almost fell off the computer. Besides, you never seen a kitty before, so you were surprised too!

Chester: I was indeed! It was amazing, being a real dragon. I'd always been stuffed in a box with other dragons like me. I don't remember much about it, because I wasn't really sentient yet...

Emily: Sendy-ant? What do that mean?

Chester: It means aware, and alive. But all it took was Mom Ariel's wish, and suddenly I was real! A real live dragon! It was wonderful. Much much better than being a stuffed animal in a box.

Harry: Well, I went and run and meowed to Mom and Emily that there were a strange creature on the computer. So Mom come out-she was in the shower getting all wet, like she does every morning, and when she saw Chester she was so surprised she bout jumped right out of her skin!

Emily: I were so surprised I bout jumped right outta my fur! It were scary kinda. But Chester be a nice nanamal, so I stopped being scared. But Chester wasn't his name yet...

Chester: I didn't have a name yet. Mom Ariel hadn't named me. We animals have to be named by human beings to have names, just like other human being have to give their children names so they have names.

Harry: Us kitties don't have to have human beans name us to have names. We have our own special secret names! How do you know anything about human beans naming their children, anyway?

Chester: I read about it on the computer, silly! As for your names, you still have to have human beings give you names. Otherwise what would they call you?

Emily: He got a pornt there, Harry. So anyway, Mom named Chester "Chester", which I tink be a furry fine name fur a dragon...

Chester: I like it too!

Emily: And now all four of us lib happy in our cozy house, and Chester type fur Mom, and he type fur us too, if we feed him chocolate!

Harry: Chester types for Mom for free, tho.

Chester: That's because it was Mom Ariel's wish that made me! And I agree with Emily. We four are all very happy now living together in this nice house, talking and eating chocolate and playing on the computer. Well, that's the end of the story. I hope all you kitties and human beings liked it.

Harry: Is that the end of the column?

Emily: I hope so, cause me getting sleepy.

Harry: Yes, me too. Time fur a nice long cat nap. Goodnight, eberyone! Chester: Bye! See you all next week!

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

"The Mountains of Ao"
Tears from Ao and two poetry collections, Pages of Life and Visions of Life, are available electronically at www.digital3.net/NetPublishers and www.geocities.com/maniac77.geo/.

The Runes of Ao work is starting. I'm working hard on proofreader material and The Mountains of Ao chapter 11. Proofreaders contact me via e-mail/snail mail for latest versions. If you want to become a snail-mail proofreader, write to Larry Shaffer at the address below. All others please apply via any of the email addresses listed below. Nondisclosure statements will be required for all.

The Dull Stuff
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Publication date: March 1999
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2008, 2009 L. E. SHAFFER
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