 The Shaffer Journal
Volume 5 Issue 4 April 1999
I am Ebony and I hab a birfday coming up early in May. I not wanna hab money, not birfday cards, no cake, maybe ice cream. What I really want is live lizard served wif sum nice boidee and catnip on dee side. Yummm... Well, we got a letter from Carole's kitties about important stuffers, hokey hockey, Cat Chats, and some ranting and ravings from our human bean. Now diss all good suffers along wif all our regular stuffers too. It bee berry nice ifing you paw sumfing into our guestbook. Fanks. Ebony pawed diss right here... These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic below to visit Kitty's Memorial page. Kitty Talk
 Kitty born June 6, 1982. Died July 9, 1997. Dear Abby and Ebony,
We needed to wite dis ledder to maybe save som udder kittiys from going thru what we are going thru.
Our human bean took us to our Dr. cause we were loosing weight real fast, stopped eating and were coughing (sometimes vomiting). She has been giving us dat heartworm medicine since it come out and its yummy. Da Dr. stuck us with needles to take our blood. Dat was terrible. We were really scared. Den we had to stay at the Dr. to get medicine shoved down our throats----ugh! We were there for 10 days. After all dat the Doc told our human bean that we both have heartworm in us. Yuck. And we can't get tem out. We just have to let them alone but we can still have our heartworm stuff like before. Our Doc told our human bean that she will come and see us every 2 to 3 months and give us a shot (Yikes! ) of Depro Medrol to help us not to cough or anyting. We won't let our human bean take us there or anywhere any more. We like it here at home where we can play on the lanai and see the squirrels and lizzards. If we take our medicine when she comes, maybe we'll stay healthy enough to come and visit you some day again. We put our paws to our mouths and send you both a big purr and a kiss. Tell your human bean to tell everybody about us so no more kitties will get these awful tings.
Love, Cleo and Jessica
assisted by human bean Carole Diss is Abby and we fink diss month we gots lots to meow about diss mighty fine journal. I eben go outside wif Ebony oncet in a while. It was fun, but dat Ebony going to get stung ifing she keeps frying to catch nasty ole waspies! But Ebony not lissen to me meows. She finks she noses it all. Any meow, we hab good hokey hockey article, Cat Chats, our trip story, and wots of stuffers for beans and kit cats. For our Keys friends we hab sum interesting musings from our bean. He made me paw dat. I Ebony nebber been stung by waspy yet. I got udder important mews to report. I not be in dee Keys more dan one hour and I had me a nice juicy lizard. Den I got anudder lizard not too much later. I losted count now, but I is glad to be back in gecko lizard land. I be berry happy till it time furr flea stuffers. Oncet a month we get flea stuffers puts on our neck. It feel icky even doe fleas be ickier. It take a whole day to dry and not bodder us anymore. Dee flea stuffers works good doe cause if we get even one flea we bee jumping like a bunch of deranged mexican hippy hoppity beans. I not wike flea stuffer needer, but I wanna report about cat baf adventures. Besides dee cat bafs we gib ourselves, I gib out free cat bafs even doe Ebony not wanna hab dem. Oncet in a while I hab to chase her to get her down and gib her cat baf. But she bee still while I gib her good baf. Den sumfing come ober me and I start nibbling on her neck. Ebony meows stop dat! But I bit her just a wittle and now she growling. Soon she batting me wif her paws. Den we chases each udder up and down dee trailer. Finally we catfighting but not to hurt. Finally, we hab to catnap to recover before we do it all ober again. Ebony still not wike it doe. Here is our birthday lineup: Aunt Jaunita and Mike Caffee May 2nd. Jeff Shaffer 4th. Ebony 6th. Tawnee Sawyer 9th. Alicia Kilcoin 21st. Erica Shaffer 30th. I Ebony make dee fifth wheel blinds bulge. When I must bee inside, I still hab to observe all dat goes on in me outside domain, my kingdom, my lizard empire. I hiss at all dee cats. I growl at dem dumb dawgie peeing eberywhare. Now our bean he wikes dee blinds and curtains closed. Dat makes it hard to wook at stuffers. Sew I just wedge meshelf into space tween window and curtain or blind. Dat, ub course, make dem bulge wif me purritty body. Bean not wike it, but what he gonna do? I am dee queen cat in charge. Only fing dat bodder me is that dat brat cat Abby trying to imitate me. >^..^< Internet Stuff
Microsoft Internet Explorer version 5.0 and Netscape version 4.51 are both very fine upgrades, but Internet Explorer takes top spot. It has many easy-to-use enhancements that make it faster and more reliable to browse the Internet. Internet Explorer remembers your user names, passwords, and common forms entries. There are timesaving features packed into every part of Internet Explorer. Outlook Express was also packed with significant upgrades. Its filtering and spam prevention features are especially nice. Multiple signatures can be assigned to different email accounts. Plus managing your Hotmail account just got extremely easier as it now can be handled by Outlook Express. Now don't get me wrong, I like Netscape too. Each major browser offers a lot to the Internet surfer. We found a new html editor that is great. It is called Arachnophilia version 3.9 and is free! You can learn all about it and download it at URL: www.arachnoid.com/arachnophilia/index.html. The thing I like about it is that it has a global find and replace. You can open all the documents you want. You can add height and width tags quite easily. It combines easy html editing and source coding. Ren and his human have been working on a web ring for black cats. Ren and Ebony wanted to make such a web ring because the idea was such a good one and taken from the White Cat Ring. Abby is a member of that ring. When the Black Cat Ring is ready for prime time, we will list the URL. Hockey Puck
Wayne Gretzky retired after 21 professional seasons and 35 years in organized hockey. He owns 61 records with second place in most categories simply out of reach for mere mortal hockey players. Gretzky had more years but was not likely to compete for the Stanley Cup again. He figured that to get ready for next season was more than he could bear. It was a sad and happy event to observe his last game. Everyone gave him his due. He is the first player ever to have his number retired on all the teams. He will be elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame right away which is another first ever! The Stanley Cup playoffs have begun. We predict that the Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils will play for the Stanley Cup in a month after the other 14 teams are eliminated. We weren't right last year and don't expect to be right this year, but it is fun to predict these things. Let's see what happens, and we will report back next month. We Are Back!
We finally moved from Virginia to Marathon in the middle of the Florida Keys. Yet we did have some minor problems and bumps along the way. We hit a piece of tire tread that came off a big rig ahead of us. It whipped around the driver's side rear dually tires. The inside tire was stripped of half its tread because a brace from the rear wheel well was bent back. The running board was bent pulling a hole into the truck bed. The rear fuel neck was crushed making it hard to vent and fill up. Our fifth wheel travel trailer busted the rear bumper. Other minor damage occurred as well. The truck brakes, clutch, mirrors, and the fifth wheel brakes all are about used up now, but we got here safe! None of that stuff above is too important. My parents' health has been getting worse. They simply can't afford any kind of medical coverage, and the Navy is abandoning their commitment to take care of them. Regardless of circumstance all of us deserve basic medical care. Why can't we do this? What is so hard about taking care of our own? Poetry Corner
"Keys Sunset"
April 13, 1999
Clear blue sky
Salty air so slow
Waves wash the rock
Sun bears down
Warm green flows
In golden serene
Color streaked above
Sun at zenith
Many hues
Peaceful glow
Sinking afternoon
Sun slowly falling
Welcome relief
With many
Come to see
Solar edges blur
Flares light us up
Faces brightened
Expectations long
Sun so deep
Colors rainbow
Streamers yellow
Horizon sea brilliant
Bubbling freely
Sun setting quickly
The tip almost gone
To slivers then green
And now to the night In The Park
I am glad to be back. It was good to talk to everyone. We learned some things and asked some questions about a few issues. I discuss some of them here. These are my opinions solely, but I wanted to state my opinions and concerns. I learned about the six-month rule which stated that a RV could not stay any longer than six months in any one site. I researched this and found out that it will not be enforced. The county commissioners will remove this provision soon. Still, that it was part of the ordnance proves someone did not use their common sense. Low-income housing and minimum-wage jobs are tied to each other. These issues are important to everyone in the Keys. Some say that if you can't afford to live here, then don't. Those people miss the obvious. If there is not enough low-income housing, then there are not enough people to work those minimum-wage jobs. Without these jobs the Keys will lose its tourism business. More people will move out, and it will move up the income scale. It is possible that only the very rich will live here and pay for all their stuff to be shipped in. Revenue loss would be extensive. Bottom line: The Keys needs those jobs or it will not exist but as a backwater slum full of extremely rich people. My final opinion is about over regulation and a general lack of common sense. To run an Internet business requires all the same license, taxes, forms, and whatnot as a physical business along the street. Why would an Internet business need to be zoned? There is no parking. There are no customers except on the Internet. Monroe county just succeeds in increasing their own revenue loss. To avoid all this nonsense people will go with solutions over the Internet that are out of the county and the state. All that money could stay in the county and the state. What needs to be done is to create a new standard for Internet businesses to prevent such losses of revenue. A simple license for those businesses that do all their business over the Internet. Those businesses that have no customers or don't need parking should not be required to be under zoning restrictions. No one would even know an Internet business exists, since there is no impact. Then Monroe county would attract revenue-producing Internet businesses. The Internet is exploding in the business world. There is not anything you cannot find and buy on the Internet. The money made on the Internet doubles every six months. And that trend will continue for years to come. It only makes sense to attract these Internet businesses not chase them away. There are just too many solutions on the Internet that a savvy business person can avail themselves of to make things harder on businesses. Let us hope things get a bit better very soon. The Keys are beginning to take a media beating. The perceptions are not so nice and I am sorry to say rings true. I think the Keys depend on positive media coverage to enhance its industries. And, no, I am not looking to run for office or something like that. I just want to write novels and poetry collections and enjoy the Keys. It is a great place to live. Well, that is my preaching, I guess. I did not mean to go on, but I did want to share some of my observations and opinions. I promise to write something more upbeat next time. Guest Meows!
 This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry and Emily with Cat Chat: Cat Chat 3-10-99Hi eberybody! Dis be me, Emily Mew, and here be Meow Harry too!
Harry: Em! I can introduce myself! Humph! Well, anyways, we have had another quiet week. There's not even been any guitar beans in the house fur days! So Emily asked if I would tell another story about the cats that I growed up with.
Emily: Who are you going to tell us about today, Harry? You told us all about Fred Purrbox, and some about Tinker. But there be lots of oder cats dat you growed up wid, wasn't dar?
Harry: I told you before, dar was ten of us oncet fur a long time. We lived, Mom and da unhusband and all us kitties, up on a woodsy hill in what Mom called an apart mint.
Emily: What is a apart mint?
Harry: It's a place where lots and lots of beans live in little houses all stuck together.
Emily: Oh! Dat's where Mom and her friend beans got togeder and drank da smelly stuff you told us about and got silly!
Harry: Yes, that's one of the places they did that. Anyways, Mom was such a soft touch when it came to kitties that she took in every kitty that came around...
Emily: I'm glad she don't do dat anymore!
Harry: Me too! We even had to share food bowls! I hated that. So anyway, Mom took in Tinker and his sister Princess, who was my mommy cat and Peanut Butter's too. The beans that had Tinker and Princess, they weren't taking care of them, no not atall! So Mom just picked them up and brought them home and gave then a good home. Miss Priss told me so. And there were these other beans, Mom said they owned the apart mints, and they were called Bert and Lola. Now Bert and Lola, they only stayed at the apart mints in the warm weather, then they went away. There was another bean, her name was Priscilla, who took care of the apart mints when Bert and Lola was gone. Bert and Lola had two cats that were big and fat fat fat! They never ever went outdoors. But another cat came up the hill-cats were always coming up the hill, cause beans always were feeding them-and this cat, she really like Bert. So Priscilla, she called the cat Bert's Cat-BC fur short.
Emily: I don't think you eber meowed about BC before. If she were Bert's Cat, how come she in da story?
Harry: Well, one moon, Bert and Lola, they decided to sell the apart mints. Mom said they were getting too old to go back and forth from one home to the other. I was borned by this time, and was a teenager kitty. And the new beans that bought the apart mints, they stayed there alla time, so they didn't need Priscilla, and Priscilla left.
Emily: So BC was gone? Dat wasn't much of a story!
 Harry: No! That's the thing! BC was really mostly a feral cat. She didn't like being inside or nothing atall, and Bert and Lola, they didn't take her with them and neither did Priscilla.
Emily: That was mean! Beans shouldn't leave their kitties behind, even if they don't like to be inside!
Harry: Mom thought so too, and decided she would take care of BC. Mom made sure she got her shots and stuffers like that...
Emily: Merrooww! Me hates shots!
Harry: Every kitty hates shots, but that is how beans take care of us, they say. Well, anyways, BC would come in to eat and then go right back out. She told me that there were other beans that fed her too. She was a funny round kitty, all black and white with big round green eyes...
Emily: Dar mus be a lots of kitties dat do dat, hab oder beans what feeds dem. Dat be why we always gets dem oder cats down here, huh Harry?
Harry: That's right. Member I told you that I used to have another house I'd go to too?
Emily: Oh! I forgot! I jus eat here, thank you furry much. I don't like oder beans enuff to be letting dem feed me!
Harry: That's cause you're a silly kitty. BC was silly too, but in different ways. Like, she liked to hunt fur baby mousies. She was so big and fat that a baby mousie would fit in her mouth all whole, cept fur the feets and tail hanging out! Heehee! It were a furry funny sight. Her eyes would get all big and round , she would be so eggcited.
Emily: Heehee! I woulda liked to hab seed dat! Dat do sound funny. So what else did BC do dat was so funny?
Harry: Well, like I told you, she didn't like to be inside. This isn't funny, really, but it was silly of her, we all thought. It gets cold cold here in the winter time...
Emily: It sure does! You mean BC wouldn't come in in da cold?
 Harry: Nope! Not unless Mom forced her. Then she would claw at the door and meow and meow trying to get out, even when it was all nasty with icy sleety snowy stuff and cold nasty wind outside! She didn't have no sense atall, did BC. One time she even tore out the screen of the big glass door trying to get out into the storm, but it didn't do no good cause the door was closed shut. Mom were furry unhappy about that, let me tell you!
Emily: BC sound like a furry silly kitty fur sure! So what eber happened to her? Did she finally get out in da storm and get losted or somethin?
Harry: No, but one day Mom decided we was all going to move to a big house out in the country. Mom and the unhusband, they were sharing the house with two other beans, and those beans were owned by three other cats and two dogs too! But is was a furry big house, with lots of nice places to hide and a big big place fur us to go hunting. Only when we moved, Mom wouldn't let us out at first, cause she was afraid we'd run away. She stuffed us all in the car and drove us over to this big strange house, and there we all were, trapped and Mom wouldn't let us out atall. Well, none of us liked that, specially since there was other kitties there too, and there was lots of hissspitting going on...
Emily: What about the doggies?? Was they in da house too?
Harry: No, they lived in the yard part with a big fence all around it. So that was ok, but we kitties were all upset and wanting to go out like we always did at the apart mints. BC was specially upset. And Mom and the unhusband and the other beans, they were going in and out and in and out, bringing stuff in cause they were moving, and Mom worked then too, and so did the other beans. So the furry first chance she got BC, she skittered out that door and we never saw her again!
Emily: She runned away from her home??? I don't unerstand no kitty jus runnding away like that!
Harry: BC, she said that wasn't her home atall, and she was going back where it was her home. And sure enough, one day after that Mom came home and told us that she'd seen BC up at the apart mints on the hill, but BC wouldn't come to her cause she was mad at Mom, and Mom never could get her to come back.
Emily: Is she still there at the apart mints do you think?
Harry: I don't know. That was a furry long time ago, and BC, she was a lot older than me. I think maybe she lived there many long moons and had other beans feed her and stuff, just like before, but I think maybe she is at Rainbow Bridge by now. I don't know fur sure, tho.
Emily: (long pause) Dat's kinda sad, Harry. I wouldn't neber want to run away like dat from my nice home, not eben if Mom moved to anoder house...you wouldn't neber run away, would you Harry?
Harry: No, of course not, Em. This is my house, and Mom is my bean.
Emily: Dat's good, cause I would miss you, eben if you are an ole fuddy-duddy kitty what always tries to bite me!
Harry: I would miss you too, you fat no-brain kitten! (wap!) Heehee!
Emily: (wap!) Merrowww!! Hisss!!! (claw bite)...The story is ober, right?
Harry: Yep! Let's go!
Emily: Chase me, heeheee!! Merow!
Harry: Bye everybody! Meow! Wait fur me, you!
(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon Cat Chat 3-17-99Hi everybody! This is Meow Harry...
And Emily Mew!
And me, Chester the dragon!
Harry: Hey, Chester, you're just spossed to be typing this time, not talking.
Chester: Ahhhh, but I know something you cats don't know! Hahaha...
Emily: How can you nose somthin we doesn't nose? We cats, we nose eberything!
Chester: No, you don't. There is actually very little that you cats know. We dragons, however hold all the wisdom of the University!
Harry: No you don't! Not even Mom hold all the wisdom of the University, and she even teach there even!
Emily: You tell him, Harry! What could you nose dat me and Harry don't nose. You don't eben neber leab da house!
Chester: I know a cat story that neither of you have ever heard.
Harry: Humph, yeah right!
Chester: I do! I read it over Mom's shoulder while she was reading her mail.
Emily: We sees alla Mom's mail. We sees it when she turn on our puter.
Chester: Not that kind of mail. Heehee, silly cats! The kind that comes on paper from the box up by the highway.
Emily: See, now I nose you be lying, cause Mom say she neber get notin out ub dat box but bills and junk!
Harry: Um, well, Mom does get mail from Aunt Cardy bean, who doesn't have a puter.
Emily: Merow! You means dar be beans dat don't hab puters? What be wrong wid dem? Don't day hab no kitties to teach dem right?
Harry: I don't know, but I think Aunt Cardy bean use a really old old machine thingy, whats called a typer writer. I never seen a typer writer, but Grandpa bean have one too, cause he doesn't want to learn how to use a puter.
Chester: That's right. (grinning widely) And the letter has been lying on the desk for the last three days, but you didn't even bother to read it, Harry. You just laid on it. Hahahahaha!
Emily: (wap) Why dint yous read dat letter? Now Chester be one up on us!
Harry: Mom always has papers on her desk! I didn't nose it was anything portant! OK, then, Chester, you tell us what you nose, but if there ever is a dragon story in the mail, you can bet fur sure that I'm gonna read it first!
Chester: Sure you will. (snicker) Well, Aunt Cardy bean wrote to Mom about two cats that used to own her. She called them Nature Boy and Bootsie.
Emily: Day don't own her anymore?
Chester: They're at Rainbow Bridge. This was long, long ago, when Mom was just a little bitty bean. Now Nature Boy was a fairly normal cat...
Harry: There are no normal cats! We are all uniquey!
Chester: Whatever. But Bootsie, he was a very special cat indeed.
Emily: How were he so special?
Chester: Well, for one thing, one time Aunt Cardy bean moved to the next town. Nature Boy stayed right there at the new house, but Bootsie-Aunt Cardy bean says that he was half bear-he just up and disappeared. Aunt Cardy bean searched all over the neighborhood, but no Bootsie. So then she drove back to her old house, and the beans that had bought it from her said that they had seen Bootsie, but he was gone. Aunt Cardy bean was very sad because she thought she'd never see Bootsie again, but then one day she heard a meow and there he was, all bedraggled and forlorn.
Harry: You mean he walked all the way to the next town and back? That sounds like a furry long walk!
Chester: It was a very long walk indeed-almost as far as if you and Emily walked to Florida so you could go to the moon!
Emily: Merwow! Bootsie must hab bin a furry brave kitty to do dat! Did he do anyfing else special?
Chester: He did indeed. Bootsie chased dogs out of the yard...
Harry: I chase dogs out from the yard. Course, Mom helps...
Chester: Not like this you don't! Aunt Cardy bean wrote that one day they were sitting on the porch and a big nasty doggie came into the yard. Well, Bootsie took one look at that big big dog and yeowled, and the dog growled, and then the dog turn tail and ran, with Bootsie on the dog's back clawing him with all four feet! Aunt Cardy bean wrote they never saw that dog again!
Emily: Heeheehee! I woulda like to hab seed dat! Dat serve dat nasty doggie right! Harry, why don't you neber chase doggies out ub da yard like dat?
Harry: I don't have to. All I have to do is look at a doggie and it runs!
Chester and Emily: Heeheehee haahaahaa, sure Harry!
Harry: (looking wounded) Well, but I do know about a cat like that that neither of you have heard about. I heard the un-husband talk about the cat with my own furry ears.
Chester: Another cat that chased dogs?
Harry: More than that! This was a great big mean orange tom, twicet the size of Tinker. He was so mean that they had to keep him on a chain , or else he wouldn't let any bean near the door! And if any dog walked by, even if the dog stayed on his own side of the street, this cat would chase him and ride him, just like Aunt Cardy bean wrote that Bootsie did, clawing and biting the dog alla way down da street!
Emily: What were dat tom's name?
Harry: Ummm...hmmmm. I don't member. But I nose the story is true, cause I heard it. The un-husband liked to tell that story a lot when he was drinking that funny smelling stuff.
Emily: Dat don't matter. It still be a good story. See, Chester, us kitties are all uniquey, eben if we don't hab alla da wiz dome ub da University like yous says you has!
Chester: I will concede to your point, Emily. All cats are special and unique, just like all us dragons are too.
Emily: See, Harry. I noed we was all furry special...Harry?? Harry!!!
Harry: Oh, I was just thinking. You and me oughta go look at some of Mom's dragon books so as we'll have a story to one-up Chester with.
Emily: That's a good idea! I nose where they all is! Let's go. We only has a week to find a good story...
Chester: You just go do that! (snicker) I'll see you in a week...or so. Hahahaha!
Harry: We better go! Chester don't think we can do it, but we'll show him! Bye everyone! We'll have a really good story for you next week.
Emily: (pawing at the books) Bye! Look Harry, see here....
(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon Cat Chat 3-23-99Chester: Well, your time is up. Have you cats found a story about a dragon that I don't know?
Harry: We found all sorts of stories about dragons...
Emily: Yes, lots and lots, but we found one dat we thought was specially special...
Harry: At least we think it's about a dragon. It's a pome.
Chester: A poem about a dragon? (looking pleased)
Emily: Well, like we said , we tink it be bout a dragon...
Harry: It looked like a dragon in the pitcher, sort of...
 Emily: A big, mean furociouses dragon! Only it's face didn't look like yours...
Harry: And it was big and mean-looking. Not like you at all.
Chester: Well, there are different kinds of dragons. Although I've never known a big mean one.
Emily: Chester, yous don't nose any dragons! You is da only live dragon in da house!
Chester: That's beside the point. So, what is the poem called?
Emily: Oh! It be called Jabberwocky, an we find it in a book by a bean what call hisself Lewis Carroll.
Harry: The book is called Alice Through The Looking Glass. I think that means through the mirror, doesn't it?
Chester: Yes, I believe some humans call mirrors looking glasses.
Harry: See, Em, I told you! Ok, the pome is Jabberwocky and it goes...
Emily: Ooo, I want to start! Twas brilling an da slimy toes...
Harry: Emily! That's not right at all! Twas brillig and the slithy toves...
Chester: It makes just as much sense the other way.
Harry: Do you want us to tell you this pome or not?
Chester: Sorry.
Harry: Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
Emily: What's a wabe agin?
Harry: Member, the book said it was the place around a sundial, whatever that is.
Emily: Oh, right. All misty was da borogrobes...
Harry: That's mimsy, and borogroves. And the mome raths outgrabe.
Chester: Are you sure this is about a dragon? It doesn't make any sense at all!
Emily: Jus wait, it get better. Ahem. "Beware da Jabberwock, my son! Da jaws what bite, da claws what catch!
Harry: "Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the fabulous Bandersnatch!"
Emily: Da book say "frumious."
Chester: What possible difference could it make?
Emily: Does you want to hear da pome or not?
Chester: (sighing) Go on...
Harry: Ok! He took his vorpal sword in hand: Long time the manxome foe he soughted--
Emily: So he rested he by da Yumyum tree...
Harry: Tumtum tree. You got yumyum's on the brain.
Emily: (Humph!) And stoods a while in tought.
Harry: And as in iffish...
Emily: Uffish...
Harry: Oh, like you haven't been making mistakes! Uffish thought he stood, The Jabberwock with
Emily: Flamey eyeses!!
Harry: Eyes of flame, Emily! Came whiffling through the tulgey wood -
Emily: An burbled as it came! See, I got dat right! One, two, one, two! And through and through the purple blade went snicky snacky...
Harry: "vorpal blade" and "snicker-snack!" He left it dead, and with its head, He went galumping back.
Chester: (horrified) The dragon got killed??!! That terrible!
Emily: But Chester, we tol yous, it were a big mean dragon! Anyway, dar's more.
Chester: Humph!
Harry: "And hast thou killed the Jabberwock? Come to my arms my beamish boy!"
Emily: "Oh fablous day..."
Harry: "frujous..."
Emily: "Callooh! Calley!" He chortleded is his joy. Twas brilling...I mean brillig, and da slithy toves (looking side-long at Harry)
Harry: Right! Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogroves,...
Emily: And da mome raths outgrabe!
Chester: It's a ridiculous poem. It makes no sense at all, except the part where the Jabberwock got killed. I hated that part.
Emily: We liked da pome! It be a funny pome!
Chester: It didn't sound very funny to me! Anyway, I don't think the Jabberwock was a dragon. I think it was a cat.
Emily: It couldn't be a cat! You didn't see da pitcher!
Chester: But cats have jaws that bite and claws that catch, and your eyes flame when light shines on them in the dark!
(long silence)
Harry: But cats don't burble. Or wiffle, neither!
Chester: Neither do dragons! (Looking at the picture) That's not a dragon! I think the Jabberwock is just a silly made-up creature.
Emily: Well....maybe, but it's still be a good pome!
Chester: If you say so. But this means you still haven't come up with a story about a dragon. I'm still one-up on you! Ha ha!
Emily: Chester! Dat's not fair! It were too a dragon, I meow!
Chester: Was not! Try again.
Emily: Harry!!!
Harry: He's just mad cause the dragon got killed.
Chester: You still owe me a story.
Harry: Maybe next time, but you gotta be nice about it. We're not telling you nothin if you act like this!
Chester: OK, I won't get mad. But it has to be a story about a real dragon, and the dragon can't get killed.
Emily: Harry, do we hab to?
Harry: We'll see. Maybe next week, maybe not...I bet the beans and kitties that read our column liked the pome, tho!
Emily: Yeah dat's right! So there, Chester! We writes dis fur dem, not fur yous, anyway!
Chester: Suit yourselves. But it you better have an awful lot of chocolate if you want me to type for you next week!
Harry: Umm...ok. Sorry we made you mad. (whispering to Emily) Don't worry, we'll get him in a better mood before then. He'll forget all bout this.
Emily: Heehee, dat's right. No one can be mad at us kitties fur long! So! Dat's da column fur dis week. Purrs and snuggles to eberybody!
Harry: See you next week!
(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon
Jabberwocky and Alice Through The Looking Glass are ©1871 by Lewis Carroll Cat Chat 3-31-99Harry: Hi, everybody! Merow, but do we have some fun and neat stuff to tell yous this week. Fur one thing, and the most important is that...
Emily: Spring hab Sprung!! Heehee!!
Harry: That's right! Spring is finally here. The flowers are all blooming and the birdies are all singing...
Emily: And da mousies and moleses is coming out of dar holeses! Look, Harry, I wrote a pome!
Harry: So you did! Well, the weather, it's been just purfectly beautiful fur us kitties, mostly. We had one last little bit of nasty snow, and it rained yesterday, but it mostly been all warm and sunny like...
Emily: And nice breezy too, so dat all da stuff blow around real fun!
Eben Chester hab come outdoors and sunned hisself some.
Chester: Well, it's nice and warm on our big cement porch. I like the sun on my back.
Harry: I thought maybe those big crows would be sceered off with a dragon on the porch, but it doesn't seem to bother them atall.
Emily: I think they think Chester be a lizard...heehee!
Chester: Just let them get close and I'll show them who's a lizard! Humph!
Harry: Well, then, our furfriend Ebony, she told us that she and Abby have kitty toilet paper in their litterhouse. She says that it has puppy dogs tails on it, and it comes on a spinny-fresh roll with a bell on it. So I meowed to Mom about it, and she said she'd look for kitty toilet paper fur us.
Emily: I thought Ebony were jus pulling Harry's tail, but sure nuff, Mom come home yesterday wif da roller thingy and da toilet paper, only ours have mousies on it! I like da mousies better, I meow!
Harry: Me too. Mousies are much more fun to look at then old nasty doggie tails. So then today, Mom, she cleaned up our litterhouse real good and fresh, and then she pull in our toilet paper rolly thing. So now we are high class kitties!
Chester: What about the cell phone and TV Ebony says she has?
Harry: Oh, she did say that she and Abby have a kitty cell phone and a kitty TV in their litterhouse, but I just think maybe she was just pulling my tail fur sure on that. What would a kitty need with a cell phone?
Emily: I sure doesn't nose no cells to call!
Harry: Me either! And as fur the TV, why, who stays in the litterhouse long enuff to watch TV?
Emily: Not me, I meow! Specially when I makes a stinky. Den I is out of dat litterhouse quick like a flash fur sure!
Harry: You said a moufful there, Emily! So even if Ebony and Abby do have a cell phone and a TV, I don't think we need one. Do you Em?
Emily: No, not atall! I think it jus silly!
Chester: What about my news??
Harry: OK, we'll talk about that now. See, Chester, he was looking through Mom's mail...
Emily: Again...
 Harry: And he found dis picture right over here to the left on the page. He says it looks just like him and Mom.
Emily: It don't look Chester or Mom atall!!
Chester: I think it's a very good likeness of the two of us...
Emily: Chester! It look notin like neider one of yous! Fur one ting, Mom's hair isn't dat curly and long...
Chester: It was curly and long a few moons ago.
Emily: Well, OK, but it isn't red.
Chester: It was red a few moons ago too.
Emily: Well, hmm, yeah I guess so, but it didn't look like dat!
Harry: Yeah, but we never know with Mom. She's alays changing what her hair look like.
Emily: But! But it don't eben look like her! And anyways, I neber seen her wear notin like dat!
Harry: I've seen Mom wear stuff even weirder than that! They used to have this thing called hollow wean, and Mom and everybody would dress up all funny. That was before you were borned, Em.
Emily: Who's side is you on?? Anyway, eberybody nose what Mom really look like, cause dar's a pitcher ob her and you on our Pitcher Gallery page.
Chester: I think this is a much better likeness than that picture. Besides, you can't see what Mom looks like very well, because Harry is in the way. Anyway, Mom told me that she doesn't mind at all if people think she looks like this!
Harry: But the pitcher still doesn't look like you, Chester.
Chester: What do you mean? It looks exactly like me!
Harry: Chester, you're blue, not green!
Emily: I tink Chester be colorblinded-heehee!
Chester: A minor detail! And I am not colorblind!
Harry: But you don't breathe fire like that...
Chester: I could if I wanted to! I bet those crows would scatter if I did!
Emily: Oooo! Dat would be funny, fur sure!
 Harry: Don't encourage him, Em. Ifn he breathed fire, he might burn our house down!
Chester: Would not! We dragons are very careful about such things!
Emily: Speaking of our house, da dragon in dat pitcher is bigger dan our whole house be! You isn't no where near dat big. You isn't eben as big as me!
Chester: Well, I agree that it is a bit off-scale, but I might grow that big someday...
Emily: Ifn you did, you'd hab to lib outside, cause dar wouldn't be no room fur you inside.
Chester: Maybe by the time I grow that big, Mom will be a rich and famous author and we'll have a great big house to live in!
(long pause)
Emily whispering to Harry: Do you tink dat could happen? Or is Chester jus pulling our tailses?
Harry whispering back: Well, Mom might become a famous author someday maybe, but I don't believe that Chester will ever grow that big! We'll just humor him...
Chester: What are you cats whispering about?
Harry: We decided that ifn you want to think that pitcher looks like you, you can. It sorta looks like you and Mom...
Emily: A little bit, kinda. But yous still not dat big...
Chester: (preening) Now we have a picture of me with our column, too!!
Harry: Wait a minute! We never said it would be with the column every week!
Chester: Who does the typing around here?
(long silence as Harry and Emily look at each other)
Emily: I guess you hab yoursef a pitcher, Chester...
Chester: Hooray!!
Harry: Well, the column runned a little long dis week, so we better wrap up. Bye everybody. See you next week!
Emily: Yes, bye! It's time fur us to go out in da sun...
Chester: That's a good idea. I'll go open the door for us...
Emily (after Chester leaves): That dragon be getting too big fur his britches, Harry.
Harry: I know. Maybe we need to feed him a different kind of chocolate...
(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon
Dragon illustration © Luis Royo "The Mountains of Ao"
Tears from Ao and two poetry collections, Pages of Life and Visions of Life, are available electronically at NetPublishers and www.geocities.com/maniac77.geo/. The Runes of Ao work is starting. I'm hard at work on the novel called The Mountains of Ao chapter 11 and a new poetry collection titled Moments of Life. Proofreaders contact me via email/snail mail for latest versions. If you want to become a snail-mail proofreader, write to Larry Shaffer at the address below. All others please apply via any of the e-mail addresses listed below. Nondisclosure statements will be required for all. The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property of:
Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
PO Box 501833
Marathon, FL 33050-1833
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(phone charges billed to callers) Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
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http://RunesofAo.com/abby/ Publication date: April 1999
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2008, 2009 L. E. SHAFFER
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