The Shaffer Journal
Volume 5 Issue 6 June 1999

I am Ebony. I is dee cat dat run fings here. I call dee shots. I eben paw wapp Abby furr not doing what is right and cat proper. Abby chases me sum, but I allow dat sumtimes. We hab a wonderful story about a lost kit cat dat get reunited wif her human bean. It heartwarming and bring tears to all dem udder human beans furr surely. We also hab sum berry interesting cat chats like always. I nose you bound to enjoy our journal diss here month whateber month it bee...

These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic below to visit Kitty's Memorial page.

I Ebony been busy outside ub course. I hissed at dee big bwack tom. He sassy cat. I let human beans pet me. It good furr dare hearts, you see. I jumped at sum butterfries, but day fry away so fast. I got rained on. I not wike dat at all. Human bean furrgot me. I get him back later. Right now I been catnipping outta dee big catnip box. It still got lots of catnap dreams. I wike to roll in it. I been meowing wif Ren and Pasha on my catpooter. Day meow sum good meows too. We gonna go to dee vet beans berry soon. Dat will get Abby all in a fluster and she loose all her white furr in cat fear.

Now me Abby nose Ebony hab too much catnip. I know you only smell it not eat it wike Ebony do. She addicted to it. I is proper lady cat. At least I was till the human bean bought us cats a play toy. It a piece of sumfing wif furr and hide attached to it on a band tied to a plastic stick. I got so exciterated! I chase it, I paws it, I jumps high furr it, I claw it, I paw wapp at it wif me paws going all ober dee pace, and I eben climb high to try and get it. Human bean gotta hide it, but I cry furr it. We play sum about every hour ub dee day.

I Ebony neber seen a cat act so zanny and kooky wike Abby. I play wif dee fing on a string too, but I nose it not sumfing wike yummy prey to play wif and eat. It just a bean toy furr us cats causing we sew special. But Abby now, she all riled up and her heart going thippity thump and thump some more. Why I lafing right along wif dee human bean. Usually us cats just ignore cat toys to teach our human bean a lesson in humility. See, you can't eber let use human bean nose day do good fings and use like dem. Why dat not catlike. Keep beans in dee dark wif muskrats. >^..^<

Internet Stuff
Yahoo! GeoCities merged this weekend. And it wasn't pretty. You can expect all kinds of technical problems, but no one expected the uproar over the new Terms of Service. Section 8, aptly named, is very simply about all creative property actually being under the control of Yahoo! GeoCities. Although it is not likely that they would steal anyone's copyrighted content, the terms allow them to do so whether they would or not. Instead of coming out like so many similar services and saying plainly that web page content belong to the owner, Yahoo! GeoCities continue to stone wall thinking that they would never do such things and all services have the same. Both are untrue. The terms could be applied, and that is what is wrong. Yahoo! GeoCities thought this would all pass, but it has not. The story is being picked up by several news services including CNet. This webmaster will be moving his creative property to a service with better terms of service very soon.

S. LaPalme Web Designs is currently working on merging our NetPublisher and AlphaOmega BookStores into one website called AlphaOmega BookStores & Publishers [AOB&P]. We will publish artists' works of all types and sell them electronically on our bookstore half. The template franchise is being cooked up now. Once that is tested and approved, we will be selling franchises. Please stay tuned for more details and pricing.

We have had some interesting computing days this month. We went to upgrade to Netscape Communicator 4.61. It would not start up. We tried to go back to the previous installation. Then we tried the standalone browser, and it did the same thing! So we finally said to hell with it and only use Internet Explorer. Eventually, we will figure it out and get Netscape installed. We like to compare our web documents in both browsers to ensure a browser-neutral display.

The installation of WordPerfect Office 2000 went much better, but the thesaurus has a minor display problem. The suite won't operate with Outlook Express either. Windows 98 Second Edition update installed all the way except for the final step of detecting the hardware. It locked up after that. Microsoft engineers have not seen this problem and are working us to fix this problem.

NLPD is going to host our domain name of http://RunesofAo.com, and their address is http://www.nlpd.com. Go visit and have some fun.

Poor Jasmine
Sometime during the night of Saturday, June 12, 1999, my beloved Himalayan cat, Jasmine, fell out of my 2nd storey apartment window......I didn't know she was missing until the next morning, when I went to close my bedroom window. The screen was missing!

I ran downstairs and outside and my screen was lying on the ground outside my window, but no Jasmine. I was hysterical - I called and called her name with no response. I grabbed the screen and ran into the building and down to my manager's apartment. When they opened their door, I was standing there, literally sobbing my heart out - I could barely speak. "My Jasmine's gone, and it's my fault!", I kept repeating, through heaving sobs. My manager Nancy sat me down and told me over and over that it WASN'T my fault. Somehow, Jasmine had jumped against the bedroom screen and knocked it (and herself) out the window.

It took hours to calm me down. Jasmine, like my other two cats, was my child, and an indoor-only cat - she had NEVER been outside all alone before. We organized a search party and combed the neighborhood, with no luck. Where had my Jasmine gone? I envisioned the worst: she had been run over by a car, or found and stolen from me forever, or worse, some sick, demented person had her and was doing terrible, terrible things to her. Your imagination runs wild in these situations, and I feared the worst.

Each day my family and I and the managers searched the neighborhood, calling and calling her name. I did up detailed posters of her description on my computer and we posted them along with a photograph of her everywhere in the neighborhood we could think of. I even knocked on doors. I contacted all my friends on the Internet about her disappearance, and the outpouring of care and support was overwhelming - many, many people I didn't even know sent me e-mails saying they would pray for her safe return and post her info and photograph on their websites in the hope that someone from my area might have seen her. I couldn't believe the kindness and support I received - it was very comforting during those long, terrible days and nights.

One, two, three, four days passed, and there was still no sign of my sweet Jasmine. I cried and cried every night for her, and prayed each night for her to return to me safe and unharmed. I never gave up hope, but I knew the more days that passed, there was less chance of me ever finding her again.

On the fifth night since her disappearance, I checked again the huge crawlspace under the house next door to my apartment building. It was just before dark, at around 8:45 p.m. Still no sign of my baby. I decided to wait until it was completely dark before going out and rechecking the crawlspace again - I figured (and hoped) that she would not have gone far, and this was the closest place to my building.

At 9:25 p.m., there was a knock on my door. It was my neighbor from the first floor. He said, "There's a cat outside by that house, and it looks a little like your cat." My heart leapt! I ran downstairs, practically falling down them in the process, and ran outside. There, sitting under the tree directly outside the crawlspace was a cat - as I drew nearer, it quickly disappeared into the depths of the crawlspace. It was cold, and I had no jacket or coat or flashlight. I asked my neighbor to make sure the cat didn't leave the crawlspace, and ran back upstairs, grabbing a coat, flashlight, a can of cat food, and Jasmine's favorite toy - an old white rope.

Back outside, I shone the flashlight into the crawlspace, and there was the cat, cowering against the back wall of the crawlspace. It looked like Jasmine, but I wanted to be 100% sure before I let myself scream for joy! It took a lot of coaxing and time, but she finally came closer to the opening of the crawlspace. I opened the can of cat food, sat down on the grass, and waved her rope, calling her name softly, over and over. Finally, out she came, and stood behind the tree right in front of the crawlspace. Tears rolled down my face - it was my darling Jasmine!!!!

She was scared of everything, and every little movement. Luckily, she turned and ran partway down the side of the old house - I stepped in and cut off her route back to the crawlspace, still calling her name softly. After some time, she came a few tentative steps closer to me. When she came within three feet, I jumped and ran and grabbed her as fast as I could - I got her by the hind legs, the poor girl! I picked her up in my arms and she struggled and struggled and struggled, and finally came to rest against me. Tears rolled down my face as I stroked her softly, telling her that everything was all right now - she was going HOME! I finally got her inside my building, up the steps, and into my apartment. My beloved Jasmine had returned to me!

She was a little thinner, and very hungry, thirsty, and scared from her five day ordeal out in the big world. At first, all she could do was run around the apartment meowing and meowing, but I eventually calmed her down. She drank fresh water thirstily, and ate some fresh food I put down for her. I checked her over, and thankfully, she didn't seem injured or hurt from her ordeal. Then she went to her favorite spot on the couch, and fell fast asleep.

My Jasmine was home!

And I had learned a good lesson and one I'd like to share with everyone - please, please check out your window screens in your house or apartment carefully. My bedroom screen was faulty - it was not put in right, and that's why Jasmine pushed it out easily. If your cat or kitten loves to go after bugs (what cat or kitten doesn't?), they'll attack and jump and push on the window screen if the window's open to get at them. Don't let this happen to one of your precious furbabies - if your screens are not perfectly installed, which most aren't, keep the window shut or only open a crack. Not doing so could result in tragedy for you and your cat.

Liz Rutherford.

Hockey Puck
The Pittsburgh Penguins got the deal everyone wanted. Mario Lemieux heads up the ownership group approved this week. All the details have been worked out to keep this storied franchise in Pittsburgh notwithstanding stupidity and greed.

The NHL Stanley Cup turned out to be one of the best series in years! The Dallas Stars and the Buffalo Sabers played six hard-fought games. The Dallas Stars won their first-ever championship skating the cup to cheers from the gracious Buffalo fans. We can't wait for next season, of course!

Presidential Mania!
The campaign insanity started months ago, but the excitement builds. I can't remember the last time there have been so many good, interesting candidates in the field. Yes, Bush can be interesting if he tries really hard. Gore has not tripped over his lip in weeks. Dole is a hopeful, but wishful thinking won't do it. Yes, this year the campaign is becoming so interesting that I can't for the life of me remember who else is in the fray. But don't worry too much. In a few months it will be down to just two, and we all know who will be there at the end. The ones with the most money and spent it!

Poetry Corner
"Lost in a Dream"
June 30, 1999

Floating in dim light
Eyelids fluttering
Brain numbed and cold
In a land of dreaming

This thrum, beat, thunder
Dark and sinister streaks
Spheres swim in pools
Sight so blind but a dream

Hovering, recovering
Heart rending soundless
Prickling sweat hot
O, lost in a dream

Given thought and flight
Eyes awash in tears
Suspended heart beat
One dream after another

Lost in a world desire
Alone to the end
Rising from sinews
Dreamless and with soul

Lost in a dream
Before the thrill
After the thought
Vision blossoms

And there the path
Swimming in my eyes
Becoming so clear
Lost in a dream . . . 

In The Park
Every once in a while as a courtesy to our internet friends, we explain the purpose of this article that regularly appears here. Most of you are readers from the internet and don't quite know about this regular article. We report news and other interesting items around the Florida Keys where we live among great friends. They are really telling you the truth when you hear it is paradise here. So to all our internet friends please sit back and enjoy a little part of our community here.

We had a visit from Kimm Young from North Carolina. She had too much fun and sun, but she is no worse for the wear. Kim did a lot of shopping and got to visit the Dolphin Research Center close by. We went to Key West to say we did that. We went to several beaches and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. But alas she missed her boss cats and had to return home. My sons from Nebraska say they are coming here at different times. My oldest son, Jeff, has three of the most perfect grandchildren God ever made. My youngest son, Jason, just got married and has learned that "Yes, honey!" is indispensable in a good marriage.

The rain finally came as our regular friend. You can be assured of beach sun weather and some thunder, lighting, and rain. Sometimes it rains hard. Ebony said she saw it raining dogs and ferrets the other day. Everything has turned green. Following the example of Mike and Kelly, people are planting and creating yard art. Mike and Kelly redid the front for GulfStream, who are our gracious hosts, Frank and Roseanne. With the heat and the sun, the swimming pool is still the best place to be.

Wagner Wash is under new ownership. They come out to your place and wash and wax or just wash, whatever your needs. They do vehicles but just might do my fifth wheel if the price is right. I think Dave Campbell will wash and wax trailers, RVs, and fifth wheels as well. Just ask at the front office for those that get the journal locally and hard copy. For you Internet fiends, it might be expensive for Dave to come to Boston, don't you know!

In my business I use lots of computer consumables. Now with Office Depot we have all the great stuff any company could need. Mostly the prices are reasonable, but there are some prices that are a bit high. Their stock inventory is not large but does seem to cover all the necessities like paper, ink, check refills, post-its, and all the little things that make a business something that just sucks up money! For home and garden, there is Home Depot. This place sells plants, boards, and sheds with everything in between. Prices are quite good and the inventory is more than adequate. The building is roomy and well laid out. You could have fun there by browsing, but you all know that it is much better to overcharge your credit cards.

Well, to close out, let us ponder our Independence Day. The USA is quite unlike any nation in the world's history. We have a continuous and uninterrupted system of government for over 200 years. The US is ruled by its people who though are passive and uninformed for the most part. Yet when called upon, she has fed the poor, freed the oppressed, and, indeed, has been the unending torch of peace and democracy. Are you proud to be a citizen? Then vote when it is time!

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry and Emily with Cat Chat:

Cat Chat 5-5-99

Hi! This is Meow Harry. I had a little cold last week...

Emily: An I'm still on a diet!

Harry: Emily! Not getting all the Yum-yums you want isn't as bad as having a cold!

Emily: It is to me! Mom is being furry mean to me. (sniff)

Chester: She's not being mean, Emily. She wants you to stay healthy. It's not healthy to be fat, not for humans or for kitties.

Emily: Humph!

Harry: Well, anyways, like I was saying, I had a cold, and my eyes were running and stuff and I wasn't feeling furry good atall. It started on Friday, and Mom said that if I wasn't better on Monday she would take me to the Vet bean, but I got all better by Monday and am just like my old self again. But anyway, while I was feeling bad, Peanut Butter, you know my brother who is an angel kitty?

Emily: We know who Peanut Butter is!

Harry: Well, some of the beans and kitties reading this might not know. So Peanut, like I told yous oncet before, he come and snuggle with me sometime, even tho he's an angel kitty, not a real fur kitty anymore. Well so, while I was feeling sick, he came and snuggled with me and made me feel all better. And while we was snuggling, we meowed a lot bout stuff...

Emily: I heard yous meowing at each oder, but I didn't hear what yous were saying.

Chester: That's because you were too busy pouting about not getting all the Yum-yums you want! Heehee!

Emily: Was not! I was outside chasing all da nanimals and habing furry much fun, and taking long cat naps on our bed. So, I guess you want to tell us what you an Peanut meowed about, huh, Harry?

Harry: Yes, I do, cause I thought it was furry interesting and I thought maybe all the beans and kitties what read this column might like to hear about it.

Chester: Well, on with the story, then, Harry!

Harry: OK. Well, while me and Peanut was meowing, I got to asking him what it was like at Rainbow Bridge, and if he were happy there and stuff like that.

Emily: He tol you bout Rainbow Bridge?? What's it like dar, did he say?

Harry: Well, he said that it is beautiful there, and just a perfect place fur all kitties and all other pets too. See, Rainbow Bridge is the place where all the pets that ever owned and loved beans go when they leave here this earth here. Peanut says on the other side of the Bridge there is a big big field of grass and trees and bushes and flowers and all sorts of nice stuffers like that. And it's always sunny and warm, cept sometime there is a little warm rain so as all the stuffers is green and happy.

Emily: It's neber cold dar? It don't snow or nutin?

Harry: No, nor ever thunder either. And there is lots of fun places fur kitties to explore, and trees to climb, and no kitty ever gets caught up in a tree cause they can just fly right down when they want to. And there's lots and lots of mousies and moleses and lizards and birdies and snakeses and other fun things fur kitties to play with, but the kitties there just play with the other nanimals, cause no nanimal on da other side of Rainbow Bridge ever hurt any other nanimal.

Emily: You don't get to hunt there? I don't like that!

Harry: Peanut says you don't have to, and don't even want to, cause everything there is all full of love and peace and sunshine and stuff. Even the doggies aren't nasty or slobbery.

Emily: There's doggies there?

Harry: Of course! There are all kinds of nanimals there what loved and were loved by their beans here on Earth. And ifn a kitty want to play and talk to a doggie, he can, or else da doggies just leave you alone.

Emily: OK, but ifn you can't hunt nor kill no nanimals, what does you eat dar?

Harry: Peanut says there is this special extra yummy tuna stuff and cream and milk and all kinds of yummy things. See, there are angel beans there, what take care of all the nanimals and make sure they have all the things they need. And the angel beans, they have houses with lots and lots of places fur kitties to play and sleep and hide. And the angel beans love them and scritch them and brush them and make them all happy and cozy.

Emily: Who are these angel beans, anyways? Where does day come from?

Harry: Well, it's sorta compekated, but Peanut says that some of them angel beans are people who are waiting for their own pets what owned them to come across Rainbow Bridge, and some are beans what have already met their pets there but stay there in the fields on the other side of Rainbow Bridge to help take care of all the nanimals. All of the houses are big, like I said, and the kitties and other nanimal pets can live with whatever bean they want. Peanut, he lives with a bean who has stayed there with her own kitties and her bean family too, and Peanut stays with this bean and lives there with Miss Priss and Fuzzy Bear and Tinker and Fred Purrbox and Misha and even Princess, who was me and Peanut's mother kitty. And Captain Beyond too! And Peanut, he's seen BC there, but she is just as wild as like down here, and never stay at any one bean's house. She just goes in to eat wherever she wants to. And Tinker, he spends most of his time outside too, like he always did, but he stays mostly at this bean angel's house to eat.

Emily: All of Mom's kitties what went before are there?

Harry: Yes, they sure are. Even Fleance and Begger, but they live with another bean angel, but sometime Fleance comes to visit with Miss Priss, who is his sister, and sometime she goes to visit him in the house he chose to own.

Emily: What about da doggies and stuff? Do they lib in da same houses too? Dat sound like an awful lots of nanimals in one house!

Harry: Peanut says that depends on what the nanimals want and what kind of pets the angel beans had here on Earth. In some houses there are kitties and doggies and ferrets and mousies and all sorts of things, and in some there is only kitties, or only doggies, or whatever. And anyway, there is lots of houses and lots of angel beans and lots of space so the kitties don't have to fight over the food bowls or the sleeping places or the window sills.

Chester: Are there any dragons there?

Harry: I asked Peanut bout that, and he said there aren't many, cause there weren't many dragons that owned beans 'til real recently, and besides, dragons live a long long time, but those that did own beans, they live over in these big warm cozy caves with their beans and they fly all around and sun themselves on the rocks and stuff like that.

Chester: That sounds nice!

Emily: But Harry, so Peanut he say that him and all of Mom's kitties are there waiting fur her?

Harry: And fur us too! Whenever a pet or a bean what loved a pet leaves here this earth, all the nanimals and angel beans there, they gather at the other side of Rainbow Bridge and welcome them. And sometimes the pets are so happy cause their bean has come to be with them, and sometime they know they just have to wait. And sometime lots of times too, other beans come from other parts of Heaven-cause that is where the fields by Rainbow Bridge are is in part of heaven-they come to greet their pets or their family bean that is coming cross the bridge. See, the Bridge, it's a long shiny thing like a rainbow, and on the end near Earth it just comes out of this misty like stuff. And sometimes the beans stay there in the fields with their pets and families and take care of each other and other bean's pets too. And sometimes they go off all together to other parts of Heaven.

Chester: But wait a second, Harry. I thought that beans...I mean humans, had to go to a place called the Pearly Gates and talk to this head angel guy called Saint Peter and see if they are going to get let into Heaven.

Harry: Oh, but that's the best part, see, cause God nose that beans what loved and were loved by their pets are the bestest kind of beans, so there is no question but that they get into Heaven. So these beans, they don't have to go to no Pearly gates. They get to just walk across the Bridge and be happy fur ever and ever with their pets!

Chester: That's just lovely Harry! (sniff, brushing away tears). It's so nice that God has made a special place and a special way for us animals and our humans to be reunited.

Emily: Yes, that is so furry nice (sniffing too). I'm glad to nose dat Mom and eberybody else I lub will be dar fur me fur eber in dose nice pretty fields. Thank you fur telling us about Rainbow Bridge, Harry.

Harry: You're welcome, both of you. I feel much better knowing that we will all be happy and together in that pretty sunshiney place. I don't want to leave Mom anytime soon, but I nose I can be happy with Peanut and the others waiting for her there at Rainbow Bridge. (sniff) Now I'm crying too! Why are we crying when it is such a happy story?

Chester: I think because it touched us all in our hearts. Humans cry too when they are touched like that.

Harry: Well, I hope all the kitties and beans that read this feel happy knowing that things will be so so nice when we all meet at the other side of Rainbow Bridge.

Chester: I'm sure they will. Now I think it's time to end this column, because we've talked way too long. But it was a beautiful story, Harry.

Emily: Yes, it was, but now it's time to play and run and be happy while we're here! An I think I'll lub up on Mom some extra too. See eberybody next week!

Harry: Bye everybody!

Chester: (sniff)

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 5-13-99

Emily: Hi eberybody! I gots a story dis week!

Harry: You do? What kind of story?

Emily: A story bout a little kitty what I nose...

Harry: You don't know any little kitties!

Chester: Oh, Harry, let her tell her story.

Emily: Yeah, you told a story last week, so dis week it be my toin!

Harry: (sighing) OK, go on.

Emily: OK! So, oncet pona time...

Harry: Oncet pona time? What kind of start to a story is that?

Emily: All good stories starts wid oncet pona time!

Chester: Fairy tales start with once upon a time. Is this a fairy tale, Emily?

Emily: No, dis be a kitty tail! Teehee! Anyways, oncet pona time dar were dis little bitty kitty what were borned under da porch of dis house...

Harry: Under the porch? Why wasn't the kitty borned in the house?

Emily: Cause, see, her Moma kitty, she were a Mighty Hunter and liked to spend mosta her time outside, an it were nice weather, so da Moma kitty decided to hab her kittens under da porch! So there!

Harry: OK that makes sense.

Emily: Good! Well, anyway, da little bitty kitty, she were borned wid da smell ub clean mossy earth and green grass and flowers and stuffers all round her. And she libed under da porch wid her Moma kitty and her bruders and sisfurs. But dar was lots of bruders an sisfurs, like three or four even!

Harry: There were four of us in my Moma kitty's litter...

Emily: Harry, we's not talkin bout you! We's talkin bout...um...dis little bitty kity!

Harry: OK! Tails and claws! I was just commenting!

Emily: Well, don't! I be doin all da commentin dis week! So, like I were saying, dar were lots of bruders and sisfurs, and dis kitty, she were da smallest ub dem all. An cause she were so small, she had to fight to get nuff to eats from her Moma's teats, an lotsa time she didn't get nuff cause da bruders an sisfurs was so greedy!

Chester: Somehow I think this is getting to a point...

Emily: Hush, Chester! Now, what were I saying...oh, yeah! Cause da bruders and sisfurs was getting more of dar Moma's milk dan da little bitty kitty, she didn't grow furry much. Dar was oder kitties what owned da house dat da Moma cat owned, an day all said dat da little bitty kitty were da runt ub da litter! Well, she didn't like dat atall!

Chester: That just means she was the smallest.

Emily: It still not a furry nice ting to say. So, as da little kitty got older, her Moma took all da kittens out from under da porch, an she showed dem hows to dig a hole an use da bafroom outside, and eben took dem inside da house an taught dem how to use da litter pan. Day didn't have no fancy litter house like we has, it were jus a pan wid no cober or notin! But, anyway, and da Moma, she took da kittens round da yard and showed them all da neat stuffers what was out in da woild, an eben taught dem a little how to hunt some.

Harry: Moma kitties always do stuff like that. I member when...

Emily: Harry! Dis be my story!

Harry: Sorry! Sheesh!

Emily: So, an den when all da kittens started to eats real cat food, da bruders an sisfurs, day still tried to get more dan da little bitty kitty. Well, she learned to paw-whap dem good so as she could get her share, but she still didn't grow much atall. An da beans what da Moma kitty owned, day had dis friend, dis big clumsy kinda man bean, an he jus lubed da kittens so furry much, but most of all, he lubed da little bitty kitty. An he would pet her an play wid her and stuffers ever when he were ober at da house. So, after while, da Moma kitty, she started meowin bout how it were bout time fur da kittens to leab her alone a go an be real cats. Well, da kittens didn't nose what to tink bout dat...

Harry: Moma kitties always do that too.

Emily: Nose it all! So anyways, one day da big clumsy like man bean came an he picked up da little bitty kitty an put her in dis big monster car thinly. Well, I can tell yous, da kitty were furry scared, an she meow an meow, but da bean jus kep talkin to her an dribin. So finally he pull into dis dribeway dat go crunch crunch under da monster car wheels. An da little kitty, she smells grass and good stuff, an she wanted to go running outside back to her Moma and bruders and sisfurs. But da man bean, he scooped her up-she were so small, he could hold her in jus one hand. An da bean took her into da house, up dees steps and cross dis big cement porch...

Chester: That's our house! I knew this story had a point.

Emily: Chester! So, anyway, da bean put da little kitty way in da back room ub da house, an he show her da litter house, an gib her yummy cat food an water, and da kitty tinkin, well, dis not be so bad. Dar not be no bruders an sisfurs to steal my food. But dar was two oder kitties dat already owned da house. Da were older kitties, an da sniff at da kitten an hiss a little, but den day leab her alone. So a little while later da kitten heard da crunch crunch ub da driveway an dis woman bean come in an da man bean take her to da back room an say I hab a present fur you. An da woman bean, she say, what does we need wid anoder cat! But da kitten were so cute an pretty an little, dat da woman bean weren't really mad. An she pick up da kitten an da kitten were so bitty dat she fit into da woman's two hands. An so da kitten come to lib in da nice cozy house wid deese oder kitties named...Peanut Butter an Harry! Heehee! An Peanut Butter, he were real sweet and snuggled wid da little kitten, and Harry, he liked to play and run and romp, and so da kitten were furry happy, and got all da yummy cat food she wanted...

Harry: And got to be big and fat like a ball! Heehee!

Emily: I'm not fat! An when Mom kicked out da big clumsy like man bean, Mom kep me in da house an wouldn't gib me to dat man bean, nor Harry nor Peanut eider. So dat's how I come to lib here, an dat's da end of da story!

Chester: That was a good story, Emily, and now I know why you eat as much as you do.

Emily: What does you means?

Chester: Well, you never got enough food when you were a baby, so now you eat as much as you can before someone else can take it from you. You don't even think about it. You just do it naturally.

Harry: You nose, Chester, that makes sense. But Emily is still too fat!

Emily: Am not! (whap)

Harry: Are too! (smack)

Harry and Emily: Meerrowwwwww!!! Hiiissssss!!! (chasing each other)

Chester: Well, I guess once again I have to finish the column. I hope everyone enjoyed Emily's story. See all you humans and kitties next week!

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 5-15-99

Harry: Hi everybody. Well, it rained most all week, so we'd stayed inside mostly. Our puter furfriends Ebony and Abby have been telling us about how much fun cat nip is, so we meowed to Mom to get us some. But when she brought it home, I membered that I don't like catnip.

Emily: It sceered me! I runned from it. It were turrible smelly stuffers!

Harry: I just ignored it. So, that's all that happened this week. I guess that's all. Bye, everybody.

Chester: Wait, we just started! Doesn't anyone have a story?

Emily: Ummmm..

Harry: Errrr...

Chester: Hmmmm...

Harry: Oh! I have a story! A dragon story. I watched it with Mom the other day on the vee-see-are thingy.

Chester: A dragon story? The dragon doesn't get killed does it?

Harry: You'll like this story, Chester.

Chester: You didn't answer my question.

Harry: You'll just have to wait 'til the end of the story. So, anyway, this story is from a moofy called Dragonheart. So, there was this good knight bean who was training this young prince to be a good king. But during a battle, the prince, who wasn't furry nice really, he got hurt real bad. Well, the prince's Moma, she takes the prince to this good and noble dragon who was a friend of her people fur ever and ever.

Chester: A good and noble dragon. I like that.

Emily: He tol you you would. Heehee.

Harry: Anyway, this good and noble dragon, he was so full of kindness and love fur the queen that he took half of his heart out from his own chest and gave it to the prince so as he could live. But the prince, he became king like right away, and he were furry nasty. And he could get away with being nasty, cause he was the king and no one could tell him he couldn't be nasty.

Emily: I sawed that part. He were a furry mean bean!

Harry: So the good knight, he couldn't stand serving this mean king and went off on his own like. And at the time, which were a long long time ago, there were lots of dragons around. Now, most of the dragons, they weren't good and noble like the other dragon, and always was eating the poor beans sheeps and stuffers. The beans didn't like that, cause that meant they went hungry. And the dragon would breath fiery breathe on the villages, what were mostly made of straw it looked like, and burnded them all down. So cause of this, the good knight, and other knights like him, made a living killing dragons for the poor beans.

Chester: I thought you said the dragon wasn't going to get killed.

Harry: I didn't say nothin of the sort! Anyway, these weren't noble nice dragons.

Emily: Yeah, it not be nice to burnded down beans houses! Sides, ifn the knights didn't kill the dragons, the dragons would eat them!

Chester: Oh! Well, ok, I can see your point. Go on.

Harry: Well, so anyways, the good knight, he comes up on this furry clever dragon. He not nose it were the dragon what saved the prince. So they fought, but neither one could hurt the other one, and finally the knight ended up in the dragon's mouf, with his sword pointing up to the dragon's brain. The dragon couldn't bite down cause that would kill him. So there they sat...

Emily: I sawed that part too. That were funny!

Harry: Finally they decided to make a deal. Both of them would let each other live. And the dragon would pretend to attack villages, and the knight would pretend to kill him, and the dragon would fall into the lake so as to fool the poor beans, and that way they could eat and be happy.

Chester: That sounds like a good plan.

Harry: It was, 'til they tried it over a lake what was too shallow, and the dragon couldn't sink and fool the poor beans, so the poor beans got mad and the knight and dragon had to run like crazy to get away!

Emily: Heehee!

Harry: So then I think I dozed off, but somehow this knight and dragon, they met up with this girl who was from the town where the nasty king lived. And she talked the good knight and the noble dragon into helping her and her friend beans into fighting gainst this nasty king bean. So they fought fur a while, and then things went real bad.

Emily: Yeah, they did! The good dragon got hisself captured by the nasty king!

Harry: Yes, and the king chained the dragon all down so as he couldn't move. See, the king knew that this was the dragon that saved his life. And he knew something else too, that the good knight found out. The king couldn't die atall, cause he had part of the dragon heart in him. Well, that sure threw a pit bull into their plans. So the good and noble dragon, he told the knight, he said, you have to kill this king to save the beans, and the only way to do that is to kill me.

Chester: The dragon said that?

Harry: Yes, like I said, he was a furry noble dragon. Well, the knight didn't want to do it, but finally he knowed he had no choice, so he did, and then he killed the nasty king.

Chester: The dragon died! Harry!

Harry: Just wait, there's more. See, the dragon, he was such a good dragon that he didn't really die really. Instead he turned into stars and went up into the sky and watched over the beans he loved so much that he sacrificed hisself fur them. And the dragon, he watched over the beans and the good knight and the good poor beans furever, and everybody lived happy ever after.

Chester: Oh! Oh, that's very nice! I hope I grow up to be a good dragon like that. Except I don't want to sacrifice myself.

Harry: You won't have to, Chester. Those were the oldest days. Now dragons can just live happy with their beans. Emily: An happy with their kitty furfriends too!

Chester: That was a very nice story. Thank you, Harry.

Emily: Yeah, fankyou, Harry. It were fun to hear the story, cause I slept through most of the moofy. Harry: Oh, just so you beans and kitties nose, the moofy Dragonheart is © of the director bean Rob Cohen and whatever production company what made it.

Emily: We slept through that part of the credits, so we doesn't nose who that be, but we wanted to let eberybody nose that we noed it be copyrighted. So, be that enuff fur a column, Chester?

Chester: Yes, that's fine. A wonderful story.

Emily: Good, cause I'm hungry. Bye, eberybody!

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

Cat Chat 5-22-99

Emily: Well, all sorts of cwazy things bin happnin round here this week. Foist Mom got this big big box...

Harry: It was so big she had to have this man bean in brown clothes help her drag it into the living room!

Emily: Not that there's anything wrong with boxes. I likes boxes, to jump in an hide in and stuffers like dat, but dis box were totally different.

Harry: It certainly wasn't a kitty type box. And then Mom starts taking all these big slabs of smelly weird wood stuff outta the box and stacking them all over the living room. I was trying to nap by the couch and she made me move so she could put all these wood thingys all over the floor!

Emily: And they smelled funny too.

Harry: I already said that. Anyways, Mom, she takes all the stuff off our puter desk and pushed our desk into the back room. Then she got out her Big Hammer and some other tool thingys and goes to pounding and screwing stuff together and pondering these sheets of paper and scratching her head and pounding some more. And this went on fur hours and hours! Well, finally she got it put to where it looked like something, and had it over where our puter desk was, and put our monitor and keyboard on the thing.

Emily: She say it be our new puter desk...

Harry: Humph! I liked the old desk. What was wrong with that anyways?

Chester: She said it was too small and she couldn't get her chair...I mean your chair, under the desk, so she always had to lean forward to type.

Emily: Yous neber hab dat problem.

Harry: That's cause Chester stands on the desk to type! Anyways, like I was saying, she put the thing altogether, we thought, and it was late at night so we all went to bed. The up she got the next morning, and there was more hammering and more screwing things together...

Emily: An apart an togeder agin!

Harry: And moving stuff around all every which way 'til our puter place were all upset. And then I found out, cause this big monster desk have this tall thing on top of it...

Chester: It's called a hutch.

Harry: Whatever! It's in the way! I can't jump up from the desk to my blanky on the counter anymore!

Emily: She took da big tall stool from under dat big spiky plant in da back room and put it so as you can go from da desk to da stool to da counter.

Harry: Yeah, but I'm still not so sure bout that desk. It still smells funny.

Emily: It do, it really do. It make da whole house smell funny. Mom say it will wear off, but it habn't yet.

Harry: And anyways, I used to jump to the scanner then to the counter and walk cross to my blanky from there too, but I can't do that no more, no way no how, cause that nasty hutch thing is in the way!

Emily: An dat not all dat's happenin. Like it not bad enuff dat mom hab turned eberyting downside up, but now she hab out her trabel bags agin! An she bin runnin round, poking into cupboards an drawers and putting stuff in dem bags! You nose what dat mean!

Harry: That means she's going off and leaving us again. And we don't have no girlfriend bean to take care of us this time.

Emily: She say dat Grandpa bean gonna take care of us. He be a good bean an all, but it sure not like habin Mom around. Why's she goin way agin? She jus got back!

Chester: You know she told you she's going to visit that bean...I mean human, that your friends Abby and Ebony own.

Harry: Why does she want to go visit Ebony and Abby? She has two purfectly fine kitties here to visit with!

Chester: She's isn't going just to see them. She wants to meet their human. Besides, he lives at the Keys of Florida, and she's always wanted to go there, she says. And I heard her tell grandpa that she hasn't had a real vacation in a long long time. That last trip to see her evil sister wasn't any vacation at all!

Emily: She got keys here. I seen her use dem alla time!

Chester: It's not the same thing. The Florida Keys have beaches, and the ocean.

Emily: What's an ocean?

Chester: It's a big huge water that make sounds like that machine Mom has in her bedroom. It goes whish whoosh whish, and Mom says it's beautiful.

Harry: Well, I don't like this atall! She can listen to her whish whoosh machine and stay here with us! Besides, we have a big water at the bottom of the yard.

Emily: Yeah, the crick. She can take her whish whoosh machine outside an look at da crick an it be jus like da ocean thingy.

Chester: I'm afraid it's not the same thing at all. The ocean is much, much bigger than the creak, and she can swim in it. Besides, she can't meet her friend standing by our creek! But since she is going to Florida...

Harry: Yes? What's you thinking, Chester?

Chester: Well, Florida is where you go to get on the space ship to get moon mice.

Emily: Moon mousies!! Oh! Oh! Does yous tink she bring us some ub dem mousies back for us here?

Chester: Well, I think if you two are real, real nice, and meow to her real sweet, she might stop and get some for you.

(long pause) Harry: Maybe that desk isn't so bad after all...

(c) copyright 1999 Ariel, Harry, Emily, and Chester the Dragon

"The Mountains of Ao"
Tears from Ao and two poetry collections, Pages of Life and Visions of Life, are available electronically at /NetPublishers and www.geocities.com/maniac77.geo/.

The Runes of Ao project, the novel The Mountains of Ao, and a new poetry collection titled Moments of Life are in progress. Proofreaders contact us via email/snail mail for latest versions. If you want to become a proofreader, write or email us using the appropriate addresses listed below. Nondisclosure statements will be required for all.

The Dull Stuff
Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. The online version contains extra content. The printed version is limited to three pages. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property of:
Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
PO Box 501833
Marathon, FL 33050-1833
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Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
http://RunesofAo.com/ebony/
http://RunesofAo.com/abby/

Publication date: June 1999
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2008, 2009 L. E. SHAFFER
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WORLDWIDE
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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