The Shaffer Journal
Volume 6 Issue 1 January 2000
[Internet Stuff] [Hockey Puck] [Guest Meows! Cat Chat 1 2 3 4]
[The Mountains of Ao] [Poetry Corner] [The Dull Stuff] [Guest Articles] [In The Keys]

This is our special millennium issue of the journal. There is very little about the millennium in this journal. Since everyone else is making a big deal about the millennium, we felt that we should do so as well. Actually, all this stuff about the millennium is overblown. The Gregorian monk who was assigned to make sense of our current calendar miscalculated. The real second millennium happened in 1997. So for those who argue that the millennium is in 2000 or even 2001, the millennium is done and over with. And nothing happened! Quite funny, don't you think? Now please enjoy this journal without further ado!

Kitty Talk
These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She is at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic to visit her Memorial page. Kitty born June 6, 1982. Died July 9, 1997.

This is Abby the bestest cat around here. Before Ebony argue-meow wif me, let's do the list of all birfdays, anniversaries, and holidazes: January 1 Happy Mew Years, 17 Martin Luther King Jr birthday, 25 Chelmar birthday, 26 Australia Day, and 29 Derrick birthday. I member that Derrick chile, but he be 15 now! Dat is really really old, I meow.

I am Ebony and dat Abby not nose a fing. Of course, I nose it all. I figured out that the lizards try to blend in with Mike and Kelly's air conditioner fing. So I have to go up sneaky like and paw tap on it all over. Sure enough, a lizard go running lickty split. But I am so much faster. Ummm, good stuff.

Now me Ebony gonna fanks all you human beans who come by to pet me, talk with me, and untangle me. With all the business I have to conduct outside, I get tangled a lot. I not mind though. Then all you nice human beans make over me like I was a super cat, which I am surely. Take that Abby cat!

I is dee Abby cat, furr surely. I ben outside wif Ebony sum. When she catches something, I rush over to see what! It so eggsciting, I meow. And Ebony, even if she is a snooty cat, let me paw her catch. I even eat it sometimes, but Ebony mad when I do. But I inside cat mostly. I run down them microscopic buggs. Day hard to catch. I make human bean laugh with all my running around, jumping, paw wapping, and flying everywhere. I not catch one yet. Day fast!

Anyhoot, I Abby work up an appetite. Well, I is hungry all dee time. I let human bean nose it too. I meow and meow and not stop till I get some chickie or some pounce what good furr my teethers. Day tasted good too. But five is never snuff. I want more. Oncet human bean run out ub all dee treaties. He try to fool me wif regular cat food. I not fooled and meowed louder and longer. Human bean tried to give me some yogurt, but that smelled awful. I finally gave up and went for a catnap wif Ebony.

I Ebony not let Abby get close to me furr catnapping cause she wanna play more dan she catnap. And she always get me hisspitting mad. Den we chase and meow up and down dee fifth wheel travel trailer. No wonder I want to be outside all dee time. Oh, well, it is a cat's life, I meow at ya!

Internet Stuff
What's new on our webs? Runes of Ao.com website is almost done. The new commercial site called AlphaOmega Bookstore & Publisher [AOB&P] is done and taking orders. Our original commercial sites NetPublishers and AlphaOmega BookStore & Publisher are doing well. Runes of Ao site attracts lots of fans and visitors. Ebony and Abby sites please the young at heart. Our millennium webs at Heartland and Athens are works in progress but still lots of fun to visit. That is the quick, short version. Visit us on the web for more. For those subscribers who get the printed version see the end of the journal for the URLs to visit.

Yahoo! GeoCities once was home to millions of loyal members. Ever since Yahoo bought GeoCities for billions, yes, billions of dollars, things have gone downhill. Yahoo merged GeoCities into their stripped-down one-size-fits-all approach. Of course, it doesn't work. Members have left for other, better free home page services in droves. Now the Community Leaders who volunteered tons of time to help the members are no longer supported by Yahoo. And yet again Yahoo is losing members. The story has made the media outlets both online and offline. Yahoo doesn't seem to get it. Members and community come first!

I recently subscribed to a local newspaper. I wanted sports, TV listings, local and world news among other things. The Keynoter is nice but it does not come out often enough for me. And they only seem to concentrate on local news. You can only suffer news about the county commission so many times. The Free Press is nice but again it is more of the same. The Miami Herald is not local enough. I know that I am hard to please, but I finally did settle on a newspaper. The Key West Citizen. It satisfied most all my needs. The Citizen is a bit too Key West, but I like it. I look forward to the day that we here in Marathon will have a newspaper like The Key West Citizen. Maybe the Keynoter will evolve into such a newspaper. I can only hope . . .

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry, Chester, and Emily with Cat Chat:


Cat Chat 11-30-99
Chester's First Thanksgiving

Chester: Well, it was Thanksgiving last week, and the cats got all stuffed like pigs...

Emily: So did yous!!

Chester: What do you expect? It was my first Thanksgiving. I wasn't even in the house last Thanksgiving. I really like this Thanksgiving idea a lot.

Harry: Me too! We get to eat and eat and eat...

Emily: And no one says notin bout bein ona diet! Dat's da part I likes best!

Chester: Of course there's more to Thanksgiving than just eating...

Emily: Yeah, it's also bout lying on da floor groanin from all what yous ate! Heehee!

Chester: No, I mean there's a reason for it. Humans have Thanksgiving to celebrate coming to this country. I guess the American human beings must really like living here, since they have a special holiday just for that!

Emily: I don't nose much bout dis America country, but I nose I is fankful to lib in dis house! It's da furry best place a kitty could be!

Harry: It sure is. Mom and Girlfriend are so furry good to us, all petting and brushing and talking sweet to us and giving us good things to eat, sometimes right offen their own plates!

Chester: They don't have much choice. You practically stick your face in the plate if they don't give you something!

Harry: That's what's called sharing. Sides, don't act all high and mighty. Yous gots lots of what was on the plates too!

Chester: Yum! I sure did! And everything was so good! The ham was wonderful...

Harry; Yeah, the ham was furry good...

Emily: But I still liked our tuna better, like I did last year!

Chester: You can have all the tuna, Emily! That ham was scrumptious! And I loved the yams with those little marshmallows! Mmmmmm...I wish there were some more of those left!

Harry: Those things are too sweet and yucky. I didn't like them atall!

Chester: You just don't know what good food really is! Of course, what can one expect of cats? You like that awful smelly stuff!

Emily: Hey! Yous eats cat food too!

Chester: Yes, but not that smelly canned stuff you like. The dry stuff is ok, but that canned stuff is nasty! Anyway, I think I like human food better than cat food. Especially when Mom cooks. Dry cat food was ok when I was a baby, but my tastes are maturing.

Harry: Maturing my paw! You just like sweet stuff is all. All that chocolate yous eats, and those peanut butter and jelly samiches...

Chester: I like peanut butter and jelly! It's good. I like ham and candied yams better, but peanut butter and jelly is just fine for an every day sort of thing. That's what Mom eats almost every day...

Emily: Chester thinks he's a human bean, eating bean food! He jus want to be different and purrtend he's not like us cats.

Chester: I'm not like you cats! I'm a dragon!

Harry: Yeah, but in the stories the dragons alays kill nanimals and eat them raw. Yous don't do that!

Chester: Eat raw meat? Horrors! I'll just eat Mom's cooking, thank you very much.

Emily: An our dry cat food alla time too!

Chester: Well, I am a growing dragon! Besides, I'm not just any dragon. I'm a magic dragon. How do the people that write those stories know what magic dragons really like to eat? And even if some dragons do eat raw meat, well, I came alive because Mom, a human being, wanted me to. So of course I'm going to act more like a human than any regular dragon, and like human food. If I'd come alive because you cats wanted me to, maybe I'd like that stinky cat food!

Harry: Yous nose, Em, he has a point there sorta in a way.

Emily: I guess. I tink yous would call dat Chester logic! Heehee!

Chester: Chester logic! I rather like that! But that's not all the Thanksgiving was about. Eating I mean. We did other stuff too.

Emily: Yeah, I catnapped a lot! An got brushed real good too by Girlfriend while Mom were cookin.

Harry: Me too. And I got to sit in Girlfriend's lap and Mom's lap. Mom didn't turn on the puter all all day, so as we all gots to spend some real what they call quality times together.

Chester: I got to play Upwords with Mom and Girlfriend! That was lots of fun. Only they said I kept making up words.

Harry: I kept telling yous yous can't believe everything yous reads on the Web. Web talk isn't like real bean talk.

Chester: But beans...I mean, people do use those words on the Web. I thought roflmao was a very good word, and I could have used all my letters too, but Mom and Girlfriend said that wasn't allowed.

Emily: It's like Harry said, beans only use dem words on da Web. They be what beans call breevashuns. An breevashun isn't lowed in games like Upwords and Scrabble. Beans hab rules fur dar games. Not like us kitties. We plays our games any ole ways we wants!

Chester: Well, I still think it should have been allowed, because I see Mom using it all the time when she talks to her friends on the Web. But still it was a lot of fun.

Harry: I gotta say, Thanksgiving is so furry much more fun than it used to be when da unhusband lived here. When he were here all we got to do was watch football all the day long. It was the boringest thing I ever saw, and he'd yell and hoot and holler and make a big fat fool of hisself. And Mom would sit and read. It wasn't at all fun.

Emily: I'm glad I was too little to member much bout when he were here. All I member bout him were him an Mom fighting an him sleepin or bein gone alla time. It's lots much better wid Girlfriend here. It's eben better, eben, den when Mom were here wid just us, cause den she'd go off all day fur Thanksgiving an we wouldn't get no treats atall. Well, cept tuna. She alays gib us tuna fur da holidays. I likes habin Mom and Girlfriend an me an Harry an Chester all here togeder fur da holidays. We is a real fambly now!

Chester: Yes, we are. And I think that's what Thanksgiving is really all about. Being with the people you love, whether they are humans or cats or dragons. That's the best reason for having a holiday, and I'm very thankful to be part of this nice family.

Harry: Me too, Chester. Me too. A fambly what yous love is by far the bestest thing to be thankful about.

Emily: Now yous twos is makin me all sniffly. (sniffle, sigh). I think I'll go see ifn there is any Yum-yums to eat for I gets any snifflier!

Chester: Hmmm...I wonder if there's any ham left...

Cat Chat 12-06-99
Sandy Claws

Harry: My furfriend Ebony, what I paw to through the e-mail, has been telling me all bout this person called Sandy Claws...

Chester: I think that's "Santa Claus."

Harry: Not the way Ebony tells it. She says that this person Sandy Claws drops gifts to all the good kitties by their litterhouses. At first she said that, anyways. But I told her we never got no presents dropped by our litterhouse. Then she said that Sandy Claws is really a cat what drops the presents, and the neat thing about Sandy Claws is after he's though dropping off presents he eats the mousies that pull his sleigh!

Chester: Santa Claus uses reindeer, not mice.

Emily: I tink Ebony hab fluff twixt her ears! Ifn this Sandy Claws she tol yous bout were real, how come we neber gets no presents? Anyways, what's a reindeer? And what's a sleigh?

Chester: Talk about someone with fluff between her ears! Reindeer are these animals that live way up north where it's snowy all the time. The look kind of like horses, but smaller, and they have horns on their heads. And a sleigh is a thing, sort of like a car, that humans back in the old days used to use to travel on the snow. They pulled them with horses, but way up north there aren't any horses, so they used reindeer to pull the sleighs. That's why Santa Claus uses reindeer, because he's supposed to live way up north.

Emily: Is Sandy Claws real??

Chester: Some people think so. There's lots and lots of TV shows about Santa Claus on right now.

Emily: I seen somea dos. But ifn dar is a Sandy Claws, I still don't nose why we don't get any presents. We's good kitties alla time!

Harry: Ebony said maybe Sandy Claws doesn't nose our address. Mom and me have moved a few times.

Emily: But Harry, we bin libin here fureber! Don't you tink Sandy Claws woulda figgered out our address by now??

Harry: I don't nose. Maybe we need to write to him and tell him our address. And anyway, Ebony says we have to write to him anyways, so he nose what we wants.

Emily: Ebony dis, Ebony dat! Does you listen to eberyting dat Ebony tell yous?

Chester: Harry has a point. In all the TV shows, it shows people writing letters to Sandy Claws...I mean Santa Claus, telling him what presents they want. He has extra people, they call them elves sometimes, who go to malls and big stores, and children go and sit on their laps and tell the Santa Claus helpers what they want.

Emily: I don't want to go to no mall or any place where there be childrens, an I sure don't want to sit on some strange bean's lap!!

Harry: Me neither. But we can write to Sandy Claws. That's spossed to work just as well, right?

Chester: That's what they say.

Emily: Where does we find his e-mail address?

Harry: Ummmm...hmmm. I don't nose. Ebony didn't say a thing bout that!

Chester: I bet he has a website. And since Santa Claus runs such a big operation, going all over the world giving presents to everyone, I bet he has his own domain. Let's see, he's supposed to live at the North Pole, so I bet the domain name is www.northpole.com. Or maybe www.santaclaus.com.

Emily: It could be .net or .org, yous nose. So, when we find his website, what then?

Harry: Well, fur sure he'll have his e-mail posted at his site. He might even have one of those forms you fill out, like the Prayer Warrior group Mom belongs to has. All we have to do is find the site.

Chester: I can find the site, no problem. I can always go into a search engine if it's not what I think it is.

Emily: OK, but then what does we do?

Harry: Well, we have to tell him our address. I mean our real street address...

Emily: Does we nose that?

Chester: Of course we do! It's on Mom's address labels she uses for her bills.

Harry: OK, then what we need to do is figger out what we want to ask Sandy Claws fur Christmas. I want lots of bean tuna-enuff fur every day of the year!

Emily: Oooo! Oooo! I want a whole bag of Yum-yums fur ebery day ub da year. An live mousies to play wid in da house!

Harry: That would be fun! They'd be lots easier to chase, cause they couldn't go underground! How many should we ask fur?

Emily: Bout a hundred dozen, I tink. But not all at oncet. Can he make it so as we gets them a few ata time?

Harry: I don't nose, but we can ask. I'd like to have a cat door so I can go in and out whenever I want!

Emily: That sounds like a wunnerful idea! But we gots to make sure that no freeloadin cats can get in.

Chester: It could be a magic door, that only lets us in and out. I can use it too...for now.

Harry: You're spossed to be learning how to use the doorknob!

Chester: I'm working on it! I just have to get bigger. Hmmmm...I want my own ISP account with BellSouth!

Emily: What does you need your own account fur? Yous gets to use da puter alla time anyway, at least when Mom isn't using it.

Chester: No, not anymore. Mom has it password protected so I can only get on when she lets me on. She says I'm becoming a puter potato!

Emily: Heehee!! A puter potato!! Dat's funny!

Chester: Laugh away, fuzzball!! Humph!

Harry: What else do you what, Chester?

Chester: Umm...oh, a bunch of ham like we had at Thanksgiving!

Emily: Ham is a good ting, I meow!

Chester: And twenty pounds of chocolate! And a big big casserole of candied yams!

Harry: You have a real sweet tooth, there Chester!

Emily: I nose what I wants Sandy Claws to brings us fur Christmas. I wants him to make sure dat our family stays all happy an cozy in our wunnerful house!! Foreber and eber!!

Chester: That's lovely, Emily. I wish for the same thing.

Harry: Me too. OK, then. Let's go find Sandy Claws' website so as we can send him our list.

Emily: An our address!! Mom! Let Chester onto the Internet! We need to find something...

Cat Chat 12-15-99
Cat's 12 Days Of Christmas

Harry: Chester come acrosst a great Christmas song fur us, and so we decided we'd sing it fur you, because here it is almost Christmas time.

Emily: Sides, ifn yous kitties wants to learn it to sing to your beans on Christmas Day yous will need a week or two to praktiss...

Harry: Absolut-elly!! Anyways, it goes, the tune, that is, to the tune of a Christmas song that hooman beans sing called The Twelve Days of Christmas.

Emily: There be lots an lots ub versions ub dis song, so we hears, but dis be da furry best one eber, we tink!!

Harry: It sure is! So, here we go: On the first day of Christmas my hooman gave to me a hamste-er in a plastic ball!

Emily: I would be jus as happy wid a mousie, eben ifn it weren't ina plastic ball!

Harry: But those are the words. Anyways, it does sound like fun, chasing a hamster round in its plastic ball. But a mousie would do just as well, you're right.

Emily: OK! Now, Fur da second day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me: two fuzzy mouse toys an a mousie-e ina plastic ball...

Harry: A hamster!

Emily: Well, we're getting two, why not hab one ub each??

Harry: Hmm...good point. So, for the third day of Christmas my hooman gave to me: three running faucets...

Emily: Dat's onea my favorites! Heehee!

Harry: Two fuzzy mouse toys and a hamste-er in a plastic ball!

Emily: Fur da fourth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me: four munchy houseplants...I doesn't really like house plants, I likes grass better. But anyways, um...oh! Three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a hamste-er in a plastic ball!!

Harry: I thought you wanted a mousie.

Emily: Dis way we gets two ub each! Heehee!

Chester: None of this stuff is interesting to me at all!

Harry: Of course not, Chester! This is a cat song!

Chester: Hmmmm...(thinking furiously)

Harry: On the fifth day of Christmas my hooman gave to me: Five MILK JUG RINGS! Those are my special favorites!

Emily: Me too! Milk jug rings is bout da funnest ting dar is cept fur live moleses and mousies!

Harry: Four munchy house plants, three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a hamste-er in a plastic ball!

Chester: You sure are getting a lot of hamsters!

Emily: Da more da merrier, I says! Fur da sixth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me: six feathered balls-I like dem too lots!--, five milk jug rings! Yous can neber hab too many ub dose!

Harry: That's fur sure!

Emily: Four munchy houseplants, three running faucets, two fuzzy mousies, and a mousie in a plastic ball!! Heehee!!

Harry: On the seventh day of Christmas my hooman gave to me: seven stolen Q-tips, six feathered balls, five milk jug rings!

Chester: Four pounds of ham!

Emily: Hey! I likes dat better dan houseplants!!

Harry: Me too! Good idea, Chester! Three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a...

Emily: Live mole widout da plastic ball!! Mweeheehee!!

Harry: Emily, you're just plain silly, you are!!

Emily: Well dis is fun. OK. Fur on da eighth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me: Eight pee-kock feathers....what's a pee-kock feather?

Chester: It's a real long springy feather. I mean real real long and springy!

Emily: Oooo! Sounds like fun! Seven stolen Q-tips, six feathered balls, five milk jug rings!

Chester: Four pounds of ham...

Emily: Three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a...

Chester: BellSouth account just for me!

Emily: Chester! Dat's not how it goes! Why does you need your own account anyways?

Chester: I told you last week. Mom has her account password protected and won't let me in except when she wants to. I need my own account so I can surf the Web all I want.

Emily: Oh, yeah, I furgot bout dat!

Harry: On the ninth day of Christmas my hooman gave to me...

Chester: Nine quarts of candied yams...

Harry: Chester!! This is our song! It's sposed to be nine wads of Kleenex!

Emily: I'd rader hab nine crinkly newspapers!

Harry: (sigh) Eight peacock feathers, seven stolen Q-tips, six feathered balls, five milk jug rings! Four pounds of ham, three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a hamste-er in a plastic ball!

Emily: I tink we needs to change da Q-tip ting. I don't like to play wid Q-tips.

Harry: OK, it's your turn, you decide seven thing should be.

Emily: OK! On da tenth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me. Ten cans ub tuna...

Harry: It's sposed to be ten ornaments hanging!

Emily: What does we need wid ornaments hangin? Our tree is up on da shelf! Tuna is better. Umm..., oh, nine quarts of candied yams, eight pee-kock feathers, seven crinkly newspapers...

Harry: I knew it!

Emily: Heehee! Six balls ub yarn...

Harry: Cheese willikers!

Emily: Five milk jug rings! Four pounds of ham, three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a mousie in a plastic ball!

Harry: Are you happy now?

Emily: Yes! Your turn.

Harry: On da eleventh day of Christmas my hooman gave to me: Eleven tarter Pounce treats...

Emily: Dat's Yum-yums to yous an me, an I better gets more dan leven!!

Harry: Ten cans of tuna, nine quarts of candied yams, eight peacock feathers, seven crinkly newspapers, six balls of yarn, five milk jug rings! Four pounds of ham, three running faucets, two fuzzy mouse toys, and a mousie in a plastic ball! So there! Heehee!

Emily: OK, now. Fur on da twelfth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me...

Chester: Twelve pounds of chocolate!

Harry: It sposed to be twelve bags of catnip, but maybe chocolate is better. I don't like catnip.

Emily: Me neider! So, let's start gain at twelve an do our words! Fur da twelfth day ub Christmas my hooman gab to me:

Chester: Twelve pounds of chocolate,

Emily: Eleven bags ub yum-yums! Heeehee!

Harry: Ten cans of tuna,

Chester: Nine quarts of candied yams,

Harry: Eight peacock feathers,

Emily: Seven crinkly newspapers,

Harry: Six balls of yarn,

Harry, Emily, and Chester: Five milk jug rings!

Chester: Four pounds of ham,

Emily: Three running faucets,

Harry: Two fuzzy mouse toys,

Harry, Emily, and Chester: And a mousie (BellSouth) in a (account) plastic (just for) ball (me)!!!! Mweeheeheeheehaahaahaa!!!!

Harry: Now, all yous kitties, be sure to learn all the words so as yous can sing it to your beans.

Emily: Or make up your own like we's did! I likes our version da bestest ub all! Merry Christmas eberyone!!

Chester and Harry: And God bless us, everyone! Heeheehee!

Cat Chat 12-23-99
The Day Of Boxes

Emily: We jus heard bout this special day dat come after Christmas Day. It be called da Day Of Boxes!!

Chester: She means Boxing Day.

Emily: Yeah! Dat's it! It be a day what eberyting get turned upside down and dis way dat!

Harry: What Em means is, it's a day when people change places with each other. See, one person does what another person normally does, and visy versy!

Chester: As usual, the cats aren't being very clear about this. Boxing Day is a day on which the servants and the masters of a household trade places. The servants do what the masters would normally do, and the masters do the servants' work. It isn't celebrated much here in America, but it is still celebrated in England, and in Canada, I think...

Emily: An in Aussie-trailer too, I meow!

Chester: Yes, I think they celebrate it there too. Of course, most human beings don't have servants much anymore, so it's not really observed much, but it's still considered a special day, and celebrated as part of the Christmas holidays.

Harry: Now, the reason we were thinking bout this special Boxes day...

Chester: Boxing Day!

Harry: Whatever. The reason is, is that maybe beans don't have servants much anymore like the old days, unless they is furry rich, what Mom is not, fur sure, at least not money-wise....

Emily: But she is rich, cause she got alla us to lub her! Dat's better den money!

Harry: That's very true. That's much more important. But that's not the point. The point is that even though Mom doesn't have any servants, wedo!

Emily: All kitties hab serbants. Day is called our hooman beans! Heehee!

Harry: Egg-xactaly! I mean, after all, the reason kitties get hooman beans in the first place is to have someone to do stuff fur us. Like open the door, and open the cat food cans, and bring us toys, and brush us and pet us...

Chester: And bring us chocolate!

Harry: Well, yes, in your case that would be true. Since none of the three of us can go to the store, our beans, that is Girlfriend and Mom, have to go get us cat food and chocolate and all the other yummy stuff us kitties and dragons like to eat. So, we were thinking, wouldn't it be nice, and fun too, ifn we could do Boxes Day at our house!

Emily: I tink it would be egg-xitin to do a Boxes Day wid Mom an Girlfriend. Course, we can't really do da tings day do fur us, but it be fun to fanty-size bout it. Like fur instance, they would stand an stare at da door an we would say, oh! Does yous wanna go out? Jus a second, sweetie, I be right dar!

Harry: Or we could say, Do I look like I's not busy? like Mom do a lot. Heehee! And in the morning we fix her tea and cereal...

Emily: An get Girlfriend a coke outta da frigidater. But what I'd really like to do is tease them. Like, when Girlfriend goes to da cat food cupboard, an she nose what I want, an she'll say, what do you want? Do you want this? Show me! How many do you want? An stuffers like dat. So, what I would do is say stuff like, ifn Girlfriend were standin by da frigidater, say, what does you wants? Does you want a coke? Where is it? Show me. Is dis what yous wants? Heehee!! Dat would be furry furry fun!!

Harry: An I could say to Mom, do I look like your servant? I just fed yous! Heehee!!

Chester: I think you two are missing the spirit of the day...

Emily: Oh, but day likes to tease an be teased. Day tease one da oder alla time! Day laff bout it. Sometime I get annoyed, but it is silly fun, I meow! It's jus a game. Mom an Girlfriend likes games jus so much like we does!

Harry: That's furry true. Let's see, we'd need to make sure their beds are nice and cozy, and figger out what to feed them fur lunch and dinner. Course, we can't really open the frigidater or use the microwave, but it's fun to think bout it. What do you think they would like?

Emily: Girlfriend likes spaghetti alla time!! We could make spaghetti!! Heehee! Let's see, Chester can get the pot out ub da cupboard an turn on da stove, an, well one ub us has to make the can opener work. Gee, I wish we could really do this. I nose Mom an Girlfriend would preciate it.

Harry: Well, we could really do some stuffers.

Emily: Like what?

Harry: We can groom them real good, like as if they were brushing us, you nose? And we let them sleep as late as they want and not try to get them up to feed us...

Emily: Not get them up?? We'll starve!!

Harry: No we won't. They always get up soon or later. Anyways, it's just fur one day.

Chester: We could be quiet too, and not get on their nerves.

Harry: Whose not quiet? I never get on their nerves!!

Chester: Ahem...

Emily: He means yous, Harry. Da Mouf! Heeehee! Yous could stop meowin all da time jus fur one day.

Harry: Well, I...I guess I could try. But I have to talk to them some, I do! (sigh) But you're both right. I nose Mom says I get on her last good nerve a lot. I'll try to not do that on Boxes Day.

Emily: We can gib dem egg-stra lubing, an let dem pet us eben when we don't wants to be petted. That would be good. Oh! An we can decorate da house real good wid our balls ub yarn. Dat alays make dem laff, and laffin be a good ting, I meow!

Chester: I think those are all good ideas. I know what I can do! I can answer all of Mom's e-mail for her. And I can light their cigarettes for them. I need to practice my firebreathing anyway!

Emily: Jus don't burn dar noses offn dem! I tink dis Boxes Day be a furry good idea, eben ifn we jus hab to pretend part ub da time. We can at least tell dem what we would be doin ifn we's only could. Specially da part bout teasing dem bout showing us what day wants. Meow, Mom, does yous wants Fresca? Where is it? Show me how much. Mweeheehee! Day will get a good laff outta dat fur sure.

Harry: Yes, I think you're right. We'll do Boxes Day fur Mom and Girlfriend, an do what we can, and splain what we can't, and all get lots of laffing and loving and good stuffers like that. I think myself that it's the least we's can do, since they do so much fur us alla rest of the year.

Emily: Absul-lootly!! So, we're all agreed? Boxes Day fur our beans?

Chester: Yes! This will be fun, and happy, and...

Emily: And wunnerful!! Heehee!

Cat Chat is © 1999, 2000 Ariel, Emily, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without permission from Ariel

Poetry Corner
"Eons Past Remembering" December 25, 1999

Wind sweeps through
Cold and penetrating
As moons shine brightly
On stark landscapes

Sounds small and dark
Beings cower under cover
Watching the reach of
Satellites deep in the sky

Eyes pierce the moonlight
Deepening glare of fear
As snow starts slowly
Building into a storm

Crawling across the sky
Glowing red and hot
Sparks trailing slowly
Treks a delightful vision

The dream of ages
Eons past remembering
Arriving just in time
To streaks of sunlight

Thin blanket of snow
Melting quickly
Heat shimmers rising
Creatures slowly come out

Another day dawning redly
The dreams only a beginning
The dark a mere memory
Ageless visions gone with the night

Hockey Puck
The Florida Panthers are still in first place. Their lead over the Carolina Hurricanes is ten points. That is the same as a five-game lead. Pavel Bure and the other Panthers have played well, especially at home. Their road record is not too bad either. They need to keep their momentum into the NHL All-Star Game as well as beyond that into the crucial second half of the season.

Trevor Kidd, the Panther's number one goaltender, hurt himself on the required All-Star contests, but his backup M. Shtalenkov has done quite well. More exciting games will appear on cable television on the Sports Channel for those who are not able to go to the games personally.

Wayne Gretzky was selected as the greatest hockey player of the century by The Associated Press. He is ESPN's fifth greatest athlete of the century. And the awards and recognition keep rolling in, but other young players are stepping up in the Gretzky mold. Even Wayne has said that his 61 records are made to be broken. He said he would be excited to see those records fall. Also, could Wayne Gretzky in a year or two be a future owner?

The Ottawa Senators suffer the consequences of being a Canadian team. Their dollar is worth less than the US dollar. Their taxes are much greater. The owner of the Senators said recently that he will have no choice but to move to an US city if the Canadian governments can't help them survive.

Colorado Avalanche goalie Patrick Roy moved up to third on the list of most wins career for a goaltender. He has five to go to get to second on the list and fifteen wins to take over the number one spot. One sure thing is that Roy is certain to make it into the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto as soon as he retires. Until then, who knows how far he will go?

Guest Articles
J. Anita Wilson from Australia usually sends us some jewel to include, but she is having health problems. Keep her in your prayers please.

Jackie, a dear friend and contributor to this journal, suffered the loss of her cat recently. I was going to write something but her letter says it all really. Here is her letter along with the URL for Delphin's Memorial web page. Please visit.

Dear Larry,

My little sweetheart died during the night. I had made an appointment for him with our vet, for nine o'clock this morning, but Delphin didn't wait. I stayed up with him Saturday night through 'til yesterday morning, when he seemed to be in difficulty, but he rallied again during the day. Last night, although very weak, he tried to follow me whenever I left his room. I groomed him and cuddled him until he settled down, seeming quite comfortable, his breathing fairly steady, and purring quite loudly. By half past midnight, I was terribly tired and went to bed, bearing in mind the nine o'clock appointment. I got up again at 2.30 and his breathing was shallow but still steady, so I went back to bed.

He must have died soon after. When I got up at 6.30, he was lying in the same position and it was all over. I feel dreadful that I wasn't there with him at the very end. He had surgery, back in April, to remove cancerous tumors and had been receiving chemotherapy since then. My Delphin was the most wonderful cat imaginable, so beautiful in both appearance and nature. I love him more than words can say, had fifteen years of love from him, and I'm heartbroken over the loss of him. I know you'll understand. Sincerely, Jackie . . .

The Mountains of Ao
Tears from Ao and two poetry collections, Pages of Life and Visions of Life, are available electronically at http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/. The Runes of Ao project, the novel The Mountains of Ao [started chapter 13 of 22,] and a new poetry collection titled Moments of Life are in progress.

The Dull Stuff
The online journal contains extra content. The printed version is limited to three pages to keep printing costs down. Inputs and letters to this journal are subject to approval by Ebony and Abby. Submittals may be edited for content and become the property of:

Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company
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Internet URLs: http://RunesofAo.com
http://RunesofAo.com/aobp/
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http://RunesofAo.com/abby/

Publication date: December 28, 1999
Author: L. E. Shaffer
Company: Shaffer Novels/Poetry Company &
Shaffer Internet Publishing Company
© 1995 - 2008, 2009 L. E. SHAFFER
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WORLDWIDE
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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