The Shaffer Journal
Volume 6 Issue 7 July 2000
[Internet Stuff] [Hockey Puck] [Guest Meows! Cat Chat 1 2 3 4]
[The Mountains of Ao] [Poetry Corner] [The Dull Stuff] [Guest Articles] [In The Keys]

Kitty Talk
These journals are dedicated to Kitty GreyCat's spirit. She is at RainBow Bridge now. We all loved you, Kitty! Click the cat graphic to visit her Memorial page. Kitty born June 6, 1982. Died July 9, 1997.

This is Abby, and I think that this month we should just get right into the good stuff immediately if not sooner.

I am Ebony. I big black cat weighing 14 pounders and year older than Abby. I want to know when it happened that the little white kitty cat named Abby who only 7 pounders became the queen cat and rule the roost here? Once not long ago, I was the queen momma cat in charge of everything even that human bean we gots. But this morning I woke up and got chased and hissed at by Abby. I sadly realize that she now the queen boss mamma cat. I think this is very sad.

I’m Abby and I is not sad at all. Hehe… Instead of being sad and all, I have fun with plastic grocery bags. I crawl inside and paw pat them. I lay on them. They feel funny and make weird noises. I like boxes and paper bags. Speaking of paper wads, I is a cat dawgie. I fetch really good. I know I been clever cat for a long time. I make my human bean happy and Ebony she still sad. I love my human bean’s lap, his keyboard too, and all parts of his catpooter. See? There is so much to be happy about. All uppity Ebony thinks about is going out and hunting lizards.

I, Ebony, would be much happier if I were the queen boss mamma cat again. And besides lizards I like pizza boxes and pizza slices. I paw pizza but it hot and chezzy. It smells so good though. I also enjoy human bean when he comes outside to untangle us. Tangles are such a great joy. What I don’t like is being chased by Abby or even human bean. Sometimes a girl just wants to be alone and catnap private like. But human bean just got to be a human beanwad and bother me to no end. He pets me when I don’t want him to do that. He chases me. He brushes me when he knows I hate the cat grooming brush. He hisses back at me when I hiss at him. Now that is going too far. Only cats are allowed to hiss. This human bean is just too outrageous, but I loves him most anyway.

Ebony been out in the sun too much, I meow. I, Abby, know better. I stay cool inside and watch Ebony bake her merger brain pan stuff in the Florida Keys bright sunshine. I sometimes sees her brain stuff smoking out her ears. That is why I become the sassy queen boss mamma cat even though I is a runty small thing compared to panther-like Ebony. Teehee… When I see Ebony finally catches something outside, I just meow at human bean. He lets me out. I then go lickty splits to the Ebony lizard crime scene. Ebony backs off because she knows what good for her now. I play with the lizard lots and lots. When I am done, I let Ebony come back and finish the lizard off. It good to be the super duper queen boss ma cat.

This is Ebony again, sigh. That Abby is taking over everything. I know not what to do, I meow. Abby even gets cheese from the human bean when she wants it. I smell the cheese but I don’t like it. And besides isn’t cheese for mice? This is a topsy turvy world we live in, I meow yet again. I never ever thought a little cat would be chasing me all over the fifth wheel travel trailer. Oh, sigh, meow.

Internet Stuff
We would like to have a faster connection speed besides the 28.8 we have here in the Keys. DSL is faster, but has yet to come to Marathon. We regularly check at www.bellsouth.net. Eventually, DSL will come here.

We also love pizza as the cats will attest. We order our pizzas at Papa John’s site at www.papajohns.com. It works quite well, and the pizza is delicious and hot.

Remember last month we complained about how long PowerQuest was taking sending us a rebate check? Well, hail to all the Internet gods, the check got here!

TIB Bank of the Florida Keys is a great place to bank, but their internet banking is a bit too much. Everyone else is offering a basic service without bill paying for zero, nada, that is right, free or nothing. TIB Bank wants $2.95 at least. What is so outrageous is that a bank offering Internet services saves at least $20 each time a transaction is done over the Internet. Every transaction done with a live teller costs the bank $20. Okay, I don’t want TIB Bank to pay me, but why should I pay them?

The group of volunteers helping people with their Internet experience have a new charter and guidelines at www.geocities.com/area51_cls/FACL-charter.html and www.geocities.com/area51_cls/guide.htm. Our group used to be known as Area51 under the old Geocities. Now we are on our own and doing so much better. We are called the Federated Alliance of Community Leaders/Cosmic Volunteers. We would welcome new members if you are ready to have fun and help people.

In The Keys
Things have been busy here as always. Wagner’s Wash and Wax did our truck a huge favor. The truck appreciates being clean and shiny, of course. Soon we will take the old truck in for a pre-hurricane checkup. Wagner’s Wash and Wax will make the fifth wheel travel trailer happy too. A long over due wash and wax will make the fifth wheel look so much more refreshed and chipper. And the price was right too. If only the weather and supplies would cooperate. We surmise that the forces of nature will be aligned correctly soon enough. So the great fifth wheel cleanup is soon.

On Site Repair of Family RV fame came to the park to spruce up the fifth wheel with lots of interesting things. New batteries made the fifth wheel sparkle its lights so brightly. The propane regulator feels so much better now. All the propane devices work so well that they are writing a thank-you note to the master repair person. Then the front air conditioning unit got a new brain. It now cycles the fan off and on with the compressor. Having a smart-aleck air conditioner to match wits with the rear air conditioner is a thrill of a lifetime. The cool air conditioners liked it too!

Mike & Kelly of Coral Reef Interiors fame are going to clothe our windows with some very nice new blinds. These new blinds will be cat resistant. The cats ruined the old blinds. The cats just have to see outside to survey their empires.

Our friend the Publix scales has been much more friendly lately. Several months ago it spewed forth 161 pounds! The royal highness was a bit upset too. One visit the report was 159. Then last week the news was 157. The scales are our friend until it reports lies and damn nonsense!

Kentucky Fried Chicken/Taco Bell finally opened. Except for some waiting, the food was excellent. We did not see the taco dog, and the colonel was no where to be seen. But the soft shell chicken tacos and the honey BBQ chicken sandwich were delicious and something to rant about. Costs too much though. Back to McDonalds!

Blockbuster entertains us with so many good movies, but the movies called “The Green Mile” and “The Bicentennial Man” were the best we’ve seen in such a very long time. Go rent them now!

Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry, Chester, and Emily with Cat Chat:


Cat Chat 6-2-00
The Noisy Guy and Other Stuffers

Harry: The other morning...

Emily: Oder den what??

Harry: I mean, in the morning a few days ago! Claws and tails, you have more fluff in your head then on your belly!

Emily: Do not! I were jus teasin'! Heehee!

Harry: Well stop interrupting ifn you don't have anything to say! Like I was trying to say, the other morning we were all woked up by this turrible racket! It was barely 9 in the morning-furry early fur us.

Emily: Well, Mom 2, she wakes up early most alla time to hab a cigrette, but then she goes back to bed! And when she gets up, we sometime goes out fur a little while, but then we comes back in and goes back to bed too! That's why we was woked up. Oh! I most furgot! We's started calling Girlfriend "Mom 2," cause she really is like Mom, 'cept she baby-talks us more'n Mom does us-ally, an we can fool her into giving us egg-stra yum-yums sometime ifn Mom isn't round!

Harry: Oh, yeah! That's right! We bin meaning to tell yous bout that fur a while, but we furgot. We've been so busy helping Mom and Mom 2 rearrange stuffers in the house. Um...hmm...now I furgot what I was talking bout!

Chester: You were talking about the terrible racket that woke us up the other morning. What it was, was this guy came over to work on the deck. Mom's been waiting for him to come back for three weeks! She called and called and he kept saying he would come, but never did, until finally he showed up one morning last week. He'd told Mom he was coming, but after so long she didn't really believe he'd come. But there he was, sawing and hammering away!

Emily: Yeah, he were a noisy bean, fur sure! An Mom, she wasn't eben mad bout bein woked up, cause she were so glad that he finally showeded up. An he were noisy alla day long too!! All dis bangin and screechy whirrin going on...I most couldn't nap atall!

Chester: Oh, you didn't seem to have all that much trouble sleeping, Em! Heehee!

Emily: Well, I managed but it wasn't easy, I meow! But Mom were furry happy, eben tho she had trouble nappin too, cause that noisy bean got lots an lots done.

Harry: Yeah, Mom said he got most everything square so the beans what make the glass that's going up on the deck can cut the glass right. See, the deck was all skewy and nothing was square atall, that's why Mom had to hire this bean to come and make it all right.

Chester: Well, that and she needed the floor and ceiling done so it will be like a real room. And the noisy guy did get most of the stuff done. He has to do the ceiling still, and Mom says he needs to cool seal the roof first. She says he's probably not going to like doing that first, but she's going to insist that he does when he comes back, because if he doesn't the roof might leak and ruin everything.

Emily: You mean that noisy bean is comin back??

Harry: Of course he is! He has lots of stuffers left to do. He told Mom he'd be back on Tuesday, but Mom says she's not holding her breath! Mweehehee!

Emily: Will he be here all day gain bangin and whirrin??

Chester: He better be, or Mom will be mad! She wants to get that room finished! He has to paint too, and put in the little air conditioner from the old house, and put up the screen all around the top and put up framing so Mom can put up the put in and take out windows. Then Mom can call the glass people and order the glass to be made. Then the noisy guy has to come back and put framing all around the big pieces of glass so they'll stay in.

Emily: And then what??

Harry: Yous really do have fluff tween those ears of yours! We's gonna have a special room all our own, all glassed in so as we can look out and watch the boidies and squirrels and stuffers, but no freeloading cat can come up and bother us! And Mom is gonna put our couch and my special bed from the secret bedroom out there, and there's gonna be carpet and tables and all sorts of pillows and stuffers. It's going to be so neat!

Emily: Yous mean we's gonna hab a whole room dat's like one great big window? Wow! That will so wunnerful! No wonder Mom weren't mad to wake up to all that poundin! Ooooo! I can't wait, now!

Chester: Emily, you knew that that's what Mom has been trying to do all this time! Silly cat!

Emily: I guess I did, but I furgotted. Nothin happened fur so so long! When does yous tink it will be all done?

Harry: Mom is hoping it's gonna be finished in a couple of weeks. She's hoping the old trailer will be sold by then too, cause this is costing her lots of cat food!

Emily: What's happened bout sellin the old trailer anyways? I thought Mom had it sold bunches of times. Where did alla dem beans go what said they wanted it?

Chester: Mom's wondering that herself! A fellow was supposed to come today to look at it and never showed up! Mom was mad about that. These people just lie and lie to her, say they'll come and don't, say they'll call and don't. Mom's getting extremely sick of it all. Sissy wrote Mom and said she had a vision that the trailer would be sold by June 5th, but that's tomorrow so it probably won't happen. Mom says she's going to give it one more week and then call a realtor.

Emily: What's a real-eater?

Chester: It's a person that sells houses and trailers for you, only they make you give them some of the money.

Harry: I hope Mom can sell it without no real-eater. We needs all the cat food money we can get!

Emily: That's fur sure. Well, maybe Sissy's visioner were jus a few days off is all. Maybe Mom will sell it this week! I nose that will make her happy.

Harry: Yeah, that and getting the porch all done will make us all real happy.

Emily: Didn't some ub dem beans what said they was gonna buy the trailer hab cats?

Harry: Yes, I think they did. Why?

Emily: Well, cause, ifn they hab cats, maybe Peanut Butter can meow to their cats fur them to come buy the trailer!

Harry: Hey, that's a real good idea! I'll go talk to Peanut Butter right now!

Emily: Good! I jus bet he can hep. And den eberyting will be all wunnerful...once we hab our window room!

Cat Chat 6-8-00
Monster In The House

Emily: Mom hab really done it dis time! I is so furrious I can hardly eat! Movin to our new house were one ting-it tooked some getting used to, but it weren't all dat bad after a few days. Den her feeding dem freeloadin cats outside-well, dat's bout as bad as it could get, specially since she ag-shully buys dem food!

Harry: Yeah, it's one thing to give them our leftovers, but to spend money on cat food fur those freeloaders is more than a respectable cat can bear! That money should go fur food fur us!

Emily: Yous got that right!! But dis! Dis is way worse dem feedin freeloadin cats what stays outside. Dis is jus too much! Mom had brought a monster into da house!

Chester: Actually, she brought in an abandoned kitten.

Emily: Dat's what I said: a monster! It weren't so bad, we thought, da foist night. Mom brought in dis teeny ting. I thought maybe it were a snack fur me, but she put it in a box so as we couldn't get to it atall! An she an Mom2...

Harry: That's what we call Girlfriend now, member?

Emily: Day nose dat! Anyways, she an Mom2 was all looking in da box an talking all worried like an stuffers, an Mom2, she say we needs to feed it! Well, I didn't like da sound ub dat no way! But she didn't gib it any ub my yum-yums, so I wasn't really upset.

Harry: Well, I was!! She gave it some of my special milk. Mom and Mom2, they mixed up this stuffers wid my milk and a egg and some syrup like what they put on pancakes. That's what Mom2 said it should have. Now, we didn't nose what it was, but we could smell it, and we nosed it wasn't no squirrel or nothing like dat. In fact, it smelled like a kitten is what it smelled like!

Emily: I neber smelled no kitten before, but it did hab a sorta cat smell, I guess...

Chester: But you were a kitten!

Emily: Yeah, but dat's different! How is I sposed to nose what I smelled like so long ago? Anyways, dat was me not dis...dis...ting!

Chester: It was just a baby that had lost its mother. Mom thinks maybe some mean human dumped it off on the side of the road and it found its way down here, because it could smell that there were cats here.

Emily: I wishet it'd neber smelled nothin! It's da fault ub dem freeloadin cats dat Mom feeds. Ifn day weren't out dar alla time makin cat smells dat monster woulda neber found our house!

Chester: On the contrary, it probably would have, because if those cats didn't hang around the back door you two would go out that way and the place would still smell like cats live here!

Harry: Yeah, well, but dem freeloaders make "come on over there's free food here" smells. We sure wouldn't do no such thing as that! Anyways, Mom and Mom2, they was all upset and worried, like Em said, and they decided to call this bean what nose all bout bandoned cats and stuffers. By this time I'd figgered out it were a little cat. Then after they talked to that bean, they talked about taking it to the Vet bean. Now, I thought, well, this might be a good thing. They'll take it to the vet bean and not bring it back. After all, it's not part of our family or nothing like that. But I shoulda nosed better, cause Mom hab alays taken in strays, ever since I was little. But I figgered, well, it's so little and sick-like-cause I sawed them holding it, see-that maybe the Vet bean wouldn't let her bring it back home. But I was wrong!

Emily: Yous sure was! Cause next ting we nose, here comes Mom back wid da box. She an Mom2 would take it out an hold it and feed it and go "aww, isn't it cute"...it was disgustin! But still, it was jus a teeny ting and couldn't get outta da box, so as we thought we was safe. An I heared Mom say da Vet bean said to keep it way from us, cause it had a cold. So da whole next day and night it stayed in dat box, and when Mom an Mom2 went to bed day put it in da back bafroom and closed da door.

Harry: Yeah, we could hear it stritchin in da box, but Mom and Mom2 didn't let us see the kitten atall.

Emily: I tried to see it. Mom had da box up on da counter next to our puter, an I tried to peek in, but she shooed me way! Mean ole Mom!

Chester: She was just trying to protect you...and protect the kitten from you! Heehee!

Emily: I habed no tention ub eatin dat monster...eben doe it were a good snack size!

Chester: Yeah, right! If you weren't such a wimp you would have tried to get that kitten for sure!

Emily: Me, a wimp? How can yous say dat? I's no wimp!

Chester: No? Then why do you run every time the kitten gets close to you?

Emily: Cause it's a monster an I don't want it anywhere near me, dat's why! Claws and tails, ifn...

Harry: Wait, we's getting ahead of our story. See, the beans reading this think the kitten is still staying in the box! But that changed real fast! By the next day, that kitten started scrambling outta the box. Mom would put him back in and he just scrambled back out! So Mom2, she found a bigger box and it got outta that too. So then they tried to lock it in the bathroom, cause the Vet bean said to keep us apart, yous nose? But what did it do but crawl right out from under that door! Mom2 was beside herself wid worrying, but Mom just thought it was funny.

Emily: Well, I sure didn't think it was funny! At first that monster was jus kinda crawlin around, an dat were bad enuff, cause it were monsterin all ober our territory! I tell yous, I hisspitted til I couldn't hisspit no more! But it was slow and kinda shaky on its feets, so it didn't get real close then. But in anoder day, it were walking better and goin faster. An ebery day since it jus bin getting faster and runnin round like it own da place.

Harry: It's a cocky little thing fur sure! And loud! It makes dis squeaky mew dat bout breaks my eardrums. It's so fuzzyheaded, it thinks Mom is its real Mom, and it follows her all over the house. Mom and Mom2 think it's just the cutest thing! I makes me want to puke!

Chester: You never have much trouble with that! Hahaha!

Harry: Oh, shut up! Yous as bad as Mom and Mom2 bout this kitten!

Chester: I think it's cute! It loves to play...

Emily: Yeah, wid my tail! Ub all da nerbe! I gibs it a good hisspit when it try dat, I tell yous!

Harry: I've given up on the hissspitting mostly. It's a waste of energy. I just ignore the little monster. Anyways, it nose not to come back to my room.

Emily: Well, it don't stay outta my room! It comes in there alla time!! Mom eben takes it into da bed wid her when she naps!! I's jus so mad I can hardly stand it!! It were real funny, tho, the second time Mom took it in to nap with her, the monster peed in da bed an Mom had to change the sheets! Mweeheehee! I thought fur sure that would be da end ub da monster, but Mom furgived it! She eben interrupted feedin us the other morning cause the nasty little critter starting peein by its food bowl, so Mom she scoopeded him up and runned him into da bafroom and stayed dar til it did its ting. She got this special little teeny litter house for it, an it habn't figgered out it's sposed to use it alla time! Stupid monster kitten!

Chester: It can't help it. Its real momma didn't have time to train it. It's just a baby.

Emily: Yous is a big fat traitor, Chester! Yous should be sidin wid us, not da kitten monster!

Chester: You're just jealous, Em. Mom and Mom2 are giving you lots of extra loving and stuff but it's just not enough for you. How would you have liked it if Mom had taken you to the Vet and left you?

Emily: Dat's different. I was pickeded out an dopteded.

Chester: Well, the kitten has been adopted too! It's part of our family now. It even has a name: Adam Ant. Except Mom2 spells it Atom Ant.

Harry: I nose, that's the worst thing! Once a kitten has a name yous nose that it's in the house to stay!

Emily: Yous means we'll neber get rid ub it??

Harry: I'm afraid not. Like Chester said, it's part of the family now.

Emily: Well, I sure isn't gonna be friends wid it or nothin! Dat's fur sure!

Chester: I bet you'll be playing with the kitten in no time. Do you good, too-you need to run off some of that fat! Heehee!

Emily: Yous ole meany! I will not. Not eber. Yous can count on dat!

Harry: Heehee...we'll see!

Cat Chat 6-21-00
Exciting Stuffers

Chester: Mom has been all excited the last week. All sorts of stuff has been going on that makes her real happy...

Emily: Yeah, like that stupid little monster runnin round still! Humph!

Chester: I thought you'd have gotten used to that kitten by now. Why aren't you playing with it? It...I mean he...loves to play!

Emily: I tol yous, I isn't gonna play wid no nasty little monster critter! Jus habing it in our house is offensivity to my sensitive nashur!

Chester: But, Harry played with you when you were little...

Emily: Yeah, well that's different...because it was me! So there!

Harry: The kitten isn't that bad. I member when you were his size. You were a bit of a pest, but you got to be fun. As long as he doesn't play with my tail too much I just ignore him. Besides, I like to eat his food. It's good stuff!

Chester: It's the same thing you have in your bowl! Silly cat!

Harry: Well, it tastes different.

Chester: You just think it's different because it's not in your bowl! Heehee! You cats! You are really something!

Harry: Well, sides the kitten, what is all this citing stuffers you were gonna talk about?

Chester: Oh, you know! For one thing, Mom finally sold the old trailer! She is so. Happy about that! She got so so sick of answering phone calls and showing the place to people and stuff. And she really likes the people she is selling it to. She says they seem like real nice people.

Harry: Oh, yeah, I member her being all cited bout that! Poor Mom! She's just gotten so tired out from all the trying to sell the trailer stuff. Now she and Mom2 can just concentrate on putting stuffers where they want it in our new house! That's so much better.

Emily: Mom went down to da old place today an cleaned out the little house where Grandpa bean kept the lawn mower. She were jus a ball ub sweat when she come back up, but she were happy to hab dat ober wid. Dat were da last ting she had to do! Gee, I habn't been down to da old place in long and long. It's so much nicer up here, wid all da trees so cool, and our nice deck. Oh! Dat's da oder citin ting, isn't it? Da deck is most finished!

Chester: Yes, that's it. The handyman finished his part Friday, and all Mom needs is a storm door and the glass for the upper half. The guy that bought the old place is getting her that. Oh, and he's getting her carpet too. Mom hoped he would bring the door Sunday, but he didn't come by. But he'll have to soon, because they'll be moving in!

Harry: That's just like a bean! Say they'll do something then not do it. That's what's been happening this whole time Mom has been trying to sell the trailer. But you're right, Chester. The guy will have to bring the door soon, cause they'll be movin stuffers in.

Emily: Mom2 says they have two big doggies what stay in da house cept to pee and stuffers. I bet them ole freeloadin cats will high tail it when they see them doggies! Heehee!

Harry: I hope them doggies don't decide to come up here. Course, we'll be safe and sound on our new deck with the door and glass and stuffers. Mom is already putting together my daybed. That will be so nice! I can't wait to curl up and sleep on it again. I've missed that bed!

Chester: Like you don't have enough places to sleep!

Harry: A cat can never have too many places to sleep!

Emily: One ub da nicest tings bout da deck is dat kitten don't come out dar. Mom won't let him. I like dat a lot a lot. An Mom gibs me my morning yum-yums out dar, so as I can eat and look round at da same time. It's kinda hot out dar, tho. It will be nice when it is all closeded in and Mom can turn on da air cornditioner.

Chester: That will be nice. It's so muggy, it's even too hot for me, and I like it hot! But I don't like it muggy. Yuck! It makes me feel all greasy and nasty. And Mom doesn't like me getting in the shower by myself because she says I get water everywhere. So I've been staying on the couch watching TV with Mom2, mostly. Mom2 hates the heat and mugginess too.

Emily: Who can blame her? It's nasty stuffers. I don't like the winter, but this icky weather is no funner. So, when does yous tink dem beans is gonna move in?

Chester: Mom says she thinks they'll start maybe this weekend.

Emily: Does you tink dat dem doggies is gonna be here dis weekend so soon? I'll be glad ifn day runs off dem freeloadin cats, but I's not sure dat I want to let dem see me! I wants to be ready and makes sure I's safe on da deck fore da move in!

Harry: They'll prolly move in last, after all the beans' stuffers is moveded in, just like we was moveded in here.

Chester: Don't worry, Em. I'll protect you if those dogs come up here.

Emily: You will? Really? Wow, tanks, Chester, dat's furry nice ub yous. I wasn't eben sure yous really liked me, da way yous teases me alla time!

Chester: Of course I like you! I only tease cats I like. Don't worry about those dogs-just watch out for Mom. She has sparks flying off her heels putting things here and there and everywhere! Heehee!

Harry: Yous got that right! Mweheehee!

Cat Chat 6-27-00
The Daybed and the FreeLoaders

Harry: Mom finished putting together the daybed on our new deck and Oh! It is so so nice! And even better than before, because we can look out at all the goings on in the yard in purrfect comfort.

Emily: Oooooo, yes. I lub our daybed. It is jus da purrect size to loll around on and watch da boidies and squirrels. Eben Chester likes it! Eben tho it do squeal a bit when he get up dar! Heehee!

Chester: No more than it does when you get up on it!

Emily: Does too!

Chester: Does not!

Harry: Chester, Emily is a bit broad in the beam, but you nose you are bigger than her. Yous take up the whole daybed when yous get up there. But it doesn't squeal. Mom put it together nice and strong. Emily is just getting you back fur teasing her!

Chester: Well...I guess I do deserve a bit of teasing for all the teasing I've done. Heehee!

Emily: There's been a problem wid our nice daybed, tho, an dat is dat dem ole freeloadin cats has discovered it! It were bad enuff when day just come up on da deck an sat on my chair, but this mornin when we went out we could smell freeloadin cat all ober dat deck! Da nasty tings! I tink Mom should stop feedin dem, I do!

Harry: Yeah, I agree! We don't need them cats around atall! And the smell this morning was awful. Mom went out and squirted the daybed with this stuffers that makes everything smell nice again. She's been waiting fur the handybean to come put in the door to the deck, and he finally came today, so now no freeloading cat can come on our deck anymore! But there were a couple of funny things that happened. Twice or maybe three times one of those freeloading cats has been on the deck when Mom opened the door in the morning. They either forgot the glass was there or didn't see it, cause they tried to run off the deck through the slats, but they couldn't, see, cause the glass was there. Then they'd get all panicky-like and runned around til Mom stepped away and made them go out where the door is now. You'd think after they got caught oncet they'd member not to come back up on our deck, but they alays did come back. But no more! Our deck is secure and safe from all freeloading cats and other nasty stuffers!

Emily: Yes, dat is wunnerful! Only, now I'll have to get Mom to open the oder door when I wants to go alla way out. But dat's still way lots better den habing freeloadin cats on Our Deck! Heehee! I bet them freeloadin cats is all upset cause day can't come up here no more.

Harry: Now all we need is the carpet, and the upper glass thingys so as Mom can turn on the air cornditioner. I hope Mom picks a nice soft carpet!

Chester: She says she is getting indoor/outdoor. I think that means it will be sort of flat. But it will still be nicer than just the bare floor!

Emily: That's fur sure. Not that I mind the bare floor, but carpet is nice.

Harry: Them freeloaders are still getting fed out back, tho. And one of them is gonna have kittens!

Emily: Kittens? Oh, no! I sure hope Mom doesn't bring any more ub dos into da house. Dis one monster kitten is enuff!

Chester: Mom has been trying to get hold of this lady in town who catches wild cats and makes them so they can't have anymore babies and finds them homes. But the lady keeps not calling her back. Mom is as worried as you two. She doesn't want to be feeding a whole bunch of kittens! There's enough stray cats in this neighborhood. But until the lady gets back to her, Mom can't even catch the stray cats. They won't let her get near them.

Emily: Well, that's good. Dat means dat she shouldn't be able to get near them kittens neither! What does this lady do to get close to da freeloaders?

Chester: Mom and Mom2 say that she has this thing called a humane trap that she catches them in. Then she takes them to the Vet, then finds a place to keep them until she finds homes for them.

Harry: So long as it isn't our home that she finds, that's fine! I kinda feel sorry fur the freeloaders, tho. That would be furry scary to be caught in a cage and get hauled off to the Vet bean!

Emily: Well, I don't feel sorry fur dem atall! Day should be smart an find darselfes dar own beans to own, steada comin round jus to eat and lounge on our deck. Any cat wid brains nose dat it's better to own a hooman bean and lib in a house any ole day dan jus wander round an get raineded on an stuffers!

Harry: I guess they don't realize what it's like to own a hooman bean, cause they never did. Purr silly freeloaders! I guess we's purrty lucky to hab nosed all along how nice it is to own hooman beans.

Emily: Well, I nose one little nasty freeloader what figgered dat out real fast! An he's so little he don't eben hab a brain! How dat ting figgered out to come down here I'll neber nose! An wish it neber had, neider!

Chester: Oh, come on, Em. I know you're starting to like the kitten.

Emily: Am not! I tol yous, I isn't goin to get nowhere near dat nasty monster. Mom shoulda neber let it into our house. It's turning eberyting downside up an wrongside down! It's playing wid all my toys, an eben eatin out ub my bowl! I tell yous, dat monster has some nerbe!

Harry: He does have a lot of nerve, but he's not so bad, really. He's kinda fun, specially since you won't play Meow and Chase anymore. And all it takes is a good hisspit to get him to leave you alone.

Emily: A good paw-whap does the job too! Heehee!

Chester: Em, I know you don't dislike the kitten as much as you make out. I've seen you play with him.

Emily: Have not! Neber eber!

Chester: Yes you do! I've seen you play Attack through the quilt that hangs at the bottom of Mom's bed. And I've seen you swishing your tail so the kitten will ply with it.

Emily: I might be swishin my tail, but it sure isn't fur dat monster to come attack it! How can yous say sucha ting? Yous fulla hot air, Chester!

Harry: I've seen it too, and so have the Moms.

Emily: Dat's jus a fig newgon ub yous maginations! I neber eber would do sucha ting! I said dat oncet an I's stickin by it. So there!

Chester: Heehee! Do you think she'll ever admit she's playing with the kitten?

Harry: I dunno. She's awful fickle. She'll prolly fess up to it some day.

Emily: Neber!

Chester and Harry: Heehee!

Cat Chat is © 1999, 2000 Ariel, Emily, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved worldwide. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without express permission of Ariel.

Poetry Corner
“Life Goes On” 6.20.00 by L. E. Shaffer
© 2000 L. E. Shaffer

Hockey Puck
The NHL Stanley Cup finals were hard fought and exciting. The New Jersey Devils played hard against the defending champions Dallas Stars. The cup was decided in six games this year. The Devils got to skate the cup in Dallas. Skating the cup is a tradition that sends chills up one’s spine. Congrats Devils!

Now in the NBA, the Los Angeles Lakers and the Indiana Pacers took six games to decide the championship. Both teams played hard. Phil Jackson of the Lakers coached against his counterpart, Larry Bird of the Pacers. In the end, it was just too much Shaq. The Lakers won the championship in six games and Shaq won the MVP award as well he should have.

In the world of professional golf, Tiger Woods continues to wow people with his play and personality. Many of us never cared that much for golf until Tiger made the sport more appealing and definitely more fun. We all watched in awe as Tiger won the US Open with such a commanding lead. Tiger conquered the golf course and the weather to make for a very memorable display of talent and championship play. Here is to all the champions this month. They deserved their congrats!

Guest Articles
Anita Wilson sent us two more great poems.

a moonlit night
white drifting sand
a silent world
called no-mans land

white capped waves
A dark green sea
murmuring water
calling out to me

mysterious dark depths
very far below
where fish can't see
and plants don't grow

lapped by salt water
floating with the tide....
Into that darkness
let me gently slide

© 2000 Anita Wilson

Why do I burn
Why am I melting
There is no fire
That I can see
Why do I sway
When I hear music
Or feel myself drown
in a melody

Why does my heart
feel full of yearning
For something
That I do not know
Why does my mind
drift away dreaming
Basking gently
in a golden glow

Why do my eyes
stare in the distance
And I see beauty
that was not before
Why do I feel
that I am standing
just before an open door

Why do I tremble
there is no reason
There is no danger
that I can see
only joy overwhelming
and fulfillment
that could be.

© Copyright 2000 Anita Wilson, Australia

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So Jesus told them, "I'm not teaching my own ideas, but those of God who sent me. Anyone who wants to do the will of God will know whether my teaching is from God or is merely my own. [NLT]