Guest Meows!
This is Larry for Ariel. She and her two cats, Harry and Emily, gave us some wonderful Cat Chat articles this month. We are gratified that we can offer this regular article about some wonderful cats and their human bean with visits by a dragon! Please visit the Memorial Page for Ariel's mother. Click the cat wagging its tail graphic to visit their net home. Thank you. Now here is Harry, Chester, and Emily with Cat Chat:


Cat Chat 10-7-00
Fall Coming and Other Stuffers

Chester: Fall is coming. The nights are getting cooler--in fact, it's quite chilly some nights now.

Emily: Ooo, yes! It is nice and cool on my fur. An I lubs the smell ub da leabes what is fallen all ober da place. This is bout my favorite time ub year, I meow. Nice an cool mosta da time, but not too cold, an all da little nanimals scurrying round like crazy! It's so fun!

Atom: Me wanna see dem lidel nanimals! Me can smell da leafses an Mom hab eben brought in some fur me to pway wid, but I wants to go out an pway wid dem. Why can yous go out an me can't? It not fair!

Emily: Shut up! We weren't talking to yous! Go play on da deck!

Atom: Teehee! Me's gonna go play on da deck and smell all da leafses. Maybe dar's a leafs what got brought in! (Atom runs off).

Emily: Do you tink ifn we tol him to go play in da road he would?

Chester: Emily!

Emily: (sigh)

Harry: I don't like the Fall anymore. It is getting too cold fur me. Mom has put a heater out fur me so I can stay warm. It's furry nice. If I am really cold I can lay right next to it, or I can lay on my chair and not get so hot and still be warm. But when the sun is out it is nice to go an explore a little. I only wish Mom had caught that old white tom cat!

Emily: Yeah, me too! That nasty ole thing is wily, I meow! Why, I saw him standing jus a teeny little ways from the trap, and the trap all full of yummy things, but he wouldn't go in no way! Mom is fit to be tied, she is! She caught two neighborhood cats what have homes an two stupid possums. Or maybe it were da same possum twicet: day is so dumb I wouldn't be sprised atall! It took Mom an Mom2 most foreber to get dat possum outta da trap so as day could reset it. Day is da dumbest nanimals in da world, I tink!

Harry: I think you're right. Any cat in his right mind would run outta that trap. In fact, the neighbor's cats that got caught in the trap did just that--they runneded like lightening when Mom went to let them out. I guess we'll just have to put up with that ole nasty white tomcat, since he would be nice enuff to go in the trap. Anyways, Mom has given up on cat trapping. Now she's working on making the deck into an all glassed in place. She's had the glass for the upper part fur a while, but it was too warm to put it up. Now it's cold, so she's out there right now putting all the glass up. It's gonna be a...what did she call it?

Chester: A Florida Room. That is like a sunroom, I think. They get lots of sun in Florida, so I guess that's where she got the name.

Emily: That makes sense. It will be nice to not have cold wind blowing on us when we're out there. The Moms even have a little heater for the room. But I bet Atom will be upset. He's used to laying on the rails. He's done it so much he's tore the screens clean outta the tops ub some ub them windows. Mom had to climb up ona ladder an staple them back up. He oughta nose he's too big to be laying gainst them screens!

Chester: He has no idea he is getting bigger. He keeps complaining about how Mom is making his basket smaller and smaller. He just doesn't understand growing up! Teehee!

Atom rushes in: Somtin tuurble is happnin! Mom is puttin big clear thingys up ober my perches so as me can't lay on da windows on da deck an look out! Why is she doin dat? Don't she lub me anymores? (sniff)

Harry: She's just making the deck into a warm room fur the winter. She's been planning this all along. It's our Florida Room.

Atom: Me don't wants no floda room! Me wants my perches what I can run round all ober an look out at all da stuffers. Da Mom's won't let me go out, now me can't eben look out? It's not fair, not fair atall! Mwowowoww!

Emily: Stop that bawling. Yous been getting too big to be up on dem railings anyways. Yous most ruined da screens.

Atom: Did not! Day was my perches, day was. Mine! (sniff, snuffle)

Chester: You can lay on the tables and the back of the couch to look out. And look, Mom is bringing up the plant stand so you can look out at the driveway. See? You have plenty of places to lay and look out.

Atom: (peering out) It's not da same atall! Me wants my perches back! Mwowww!

Harry: One thing yous have to learn is that hooman beans change things alla time. That is just the way they are. Sides, you'll like it when it's really cold out but nice and warm in our Florida Room.

Atom: Me don't care bout no cold! It's bin cold an I likes it. It feels good, it does. Me wants dat nasty stuffers offen my perches! Tell Mom, pwease?

Emily: You don't know what cold is. It's barely bin cool so fur. It's gonna get cold cold real soon. You'll see. Purrty soon when that door opens the wind will be so cold you'll run away, yous will. And there'll eben be nasty white stuffers on da ground sometime. Da whole world is diffrent in da winter.

Atom: Why? Me doesn't want da world to be diffrent. Me likes tings da way da is. Why does beans want to change da world to be different?

Chester: The Moms don't do it. It's just the way things are. There's summer when it's hot, and now it's Fall and getting cool. You've noticed it's getting cool, right?

Atom: (sniff) Yeah. Me likes it cool. Dat were a good diffrent.

Chester: Well, like Em said, soon it will get really really cold and that is Winter, and then it will start to get warm again and that is Spring. It happens every year.

Atom: Why?

Harry: It just does. When yous have been round as long as me you'll unnerstand. That's the way things alays are.

Atom: But...but...me still wants my perches!

Emily: Sorry, kid. They're gone. By next Spring you'll hab furgot all bout dem.

Atom: No me won't! Neber! Me members eberyting, me does.

Harry: Here, look, here's a ball. (whapping the ball across the kitchen)

Atom: Oooo! A ball! Me likes balls. Balls is fun! Teehee! (running after it)

Emily: Well, I like the idea of our Florida Room. It will be nice to lay in the warm and look out at the cold white stuffers, I meow.

Atom: (from the front door) Hey! Mom is putting thingy's ober my perches! Why is she doin dat to me? Hey, Mommmmm!

Chester: Oh, yeah, he members eberytin! Hahahahaha!!!!



Cat Chat 10-10-00
Crazy Moms

Emily: Mom2 hab got her a new toy an she's bout to drive us crazy wid it! We is all half blind, we is!

Harry: Meow, yous better believe it! She's been flishing and flashing around the last few days like there's no tomorrow! I gots red spots on front on my eyeses alla time.

Emily; Harry, yous only gots one good eye!

Harry: Yeah, but I can still see all that flashing in the one that isn't so good! Someone needs to take that toy away from Mom2, I meow, before we are all blind like bats!

Chester: Teehee! See, Mom2 has bought herself a new special kind of camera. The Moms have always had cameras and take lots of pictures of us and each other and Grandpa and special events and stuff, but they didn't go as flash crazy with those camera as Mom2 is with this one. See, with normal cameras you have to buy film, and then you have to pay for the film to be developed.

Emily: Yeah, that can cost lotsa cat food ifn day flish an flash too much. So day is kinda careful bout how many pitchurs day takes. But Mom2, she gots a bit ub money when she solded her trailer. Not lotsa lotsa money, but enuff so dat she could get something she'd alays wanted: a digitalas camera!

Chester: Heehee, Em, I love the way you talk! It's a digital camera. The neat thing about it is, even though it's more expensive to begin with, you never have to buy any film! You just load the pictures on your puter, and if you don't like some you just delete them. And the camera is all ready to use again. That's why Mom2 has been taking so many pictures. She's testing her toy to see how to work it, and isn't having to spend extra money on film.

Harry: Yeah, she's real happy bout that, fur sure! A little too happy! She's been taking pitchurs of everything!

Atom: She tries to take pitchurs ub me but she say dat me moob too much! Ub course me moob! Me is a kitten, dat be me job is to moob all ober da place. Mostly run an jump an stuffers like dat, teehee!

Emily: I don't recall anyone asking your opinion! Anyways, Mom2 is absolutely snap-happy. I can't eben count da number ub pitchers she has tooked ub me da last few days. Ub course, she hab a good subject to take pitchurs ub, since I is so bootiful. But I still wished she would calm down wib it a bit!

Harry: Well, I can't blame her fur being excited over it. She does love her cameras, and she spent lots and lots of time finding just the right camera at just the right price. She searched the web fur three whole days looking at every camera and auction site she could find, comparing this feature to that feature and stuffers like that. Finally she found just what she wanted and got a super extra good price on it too! Mom calls her the Auction Queen cause she finds great stuffers on the web so cheap.

Emily: Too bad she can't find a cat food auction site! Now that would be somethin worthwhile, I meow!

Harry: Yum! That would be a good thing. We oughta ask her to look fur that. I bet there's lots of cat food sites on the web.

Chester: Why would you think that?

Harry: Cause there are lots of beans who love cats, of course! There has to be a place where the Moms can buy cat foods cheap. The cheaper the price, the more food fur us, I meow. Not that we ever don't have enuff, but more is alays better.

Chester: Hmmm...I guess that makes sense. There are a lot of people who are cat lovers. Maybe you and Em should ask Mom2 to search for cat food auctions.

Emily: I'm going to do dat fur sure! But Mom2 isn't the only one round here been actin crazy. Mom hab been doin da movin stuffers around ting agin. Like day didn't jus move tings round jus a little while ago! It's like she can't be happy wid stuffers where it is!

Chester: Well, Mom2 has been going through a lot of her stuff and rearranging things, so Mom has been doing what she can to help make room for stuff. Like, Mom2's office was a disaster. I couldn't even get in there, it was so full. But Mom moved this big shelf out that was really in the way and put it in the living room in a corner and made it all nice and neat. That took some doing too! There was stuff all over the living room for days!

Emily: I liked that part. There was lotsa boxes to jump in--heehee!

Chester: It was hard to even walk! And there were boxes on my couch too. But she got it all done tonight. Then also Mom got a different shelf for Mom2's office that gives her space to put stuff, which is a big help in there.

Harry: I haven't gone to look at the new shelf. It smells funny still. But Mom2 seems to be happier getting things organized. I really don't understand that about beans. Like, fur instance, Mom is alays wanting to clean up our cat food area. Now, I like it the way it is, but she just can't stand it with bits of food on the mats and stuffers, so a couple three times a week she pulls all the mats up and scrubs them and gets everything clean, even the bowls. I don't nose what is wrong with having food bits on our mats. They make good snacks in the middle of the night. And I don't care nothing bout clean bowls. All that matters to me is bowls with food in them!

Emily: I nose what you mean! I don't get this cleaning stuffers an movin stuffers here dar and eberywhere! An mom alays makes us wait fur breakfast when she is in a cat food area cleaning mood. Sometime I gib up an go out!

Chester: She just wants to make some order out of the chaos. People are like that.

Harry: Well, I wish our beans would just settle down and leave things alone. Things are just fine the way they are...without getting out pitchurs taken every two minutes too!

Emily: (sigh) Beans sure is hard to train, I meow! Maybe one day they'll figger out dat things is best all comfy an messy like.

Atom: Oooo! Ooo! Mom be rolling up da yarn what me jus decorateded da libin room wid. Me got to go stop her, me had it all jus right! (running off)

Emily: Or maybe not...



Cat Chat 10-17-00
Me Alone

Chester: The cats are all asleep, so I guess I'll have to write the column all by myself. Emily is asleep because she has been staying out all night the last few nights. The Moms are wondering what's going on. They think maybe she has a boyfriend she is meeting...

Emily (yelling from deck): Do not! Stop talking about me!

Chester: Opps! I talk to myself as I type. I guess I better talk more softly. (Yelling) Hey, Em, come and help write the column!

Emily (yelling from deck): I'm sleeping! Leave me alone!

Chester: Well, so much for that. As I was saying, Em is staying out all night long. Mom will call and call and she refuses to come. Then in the morning she'll be waiting at the top of the steps to get in, and sleeps all day on the couch in our Florida room. She's always got bits of leaves and stuff in her fur. The Mom's try to brush her, but she gets mad when they brush her belly, and that's the place that needs brushing most. She's full of fur there, and so fat it almost drags the floor! Teehee! Oh, I hope she didn't hear me. (Sneaks to door and looks out). No, she's fast asleep again. Mom2 won't even try to brush Em's belly, because she fights so much and growls too, but Mom can do it. She just puts Em in her lap belly up and brushes away. Mom knows how to handle cats, that's for sure...even if these three do have her trained pretty well! They let her know exactly when and what they want to be fed, and when they want to go out. Except for Atom, of course, who isn't allowed out. Oh, here comes Mom2...hi, Mom!

Mom2: Hi Chester. (goes to fridge to get a Coke)

Atom comes barreling out of bedroom: It's Mom2! Hi Mommy! Can we pway? Got sometin yummy to eat? Let's pway!(attacking Mom2's foot)

Mom2: Ow! Stop it, devil cat! (Heads back to her office, with Atom bouncing after her)

Chester (tapping his tail on the floor): Atom, stop biting Mom2 and come here.

Atom runs back: Oh boy, Chester makin waggy tail fur me. Me lub to pways waggy tail! Wait, what's dat? Mom2 is going to da bafroom! Oh boy! (runs off again)

Chester: Atom loves going to the bathroom with the Moms. So does Emily. It gives them the Mom's complete attention, since they can't go anywhere. Teehee! Atom and Em both like having their ears and back scratched. Mom2 has a way of rubbing Atom's head so he just sort of collapses. She calls it "the sleeper." Mom can't do it, though. Atom always wants to play rough with her, except when she is half-asleep. The he plops down on her face and snuggles and licks her. If she's lucky he'll stay still for a whole thirty seconds before he moves and squirms around. He's really trying to wake her up so she'll play with him. He likes playing better than eating, I think.

Atom tears back through the kitchen, sounding like a herd of elephants, and jumps on Mom's bed.

Chester: He's a noisy little sucker, isn't he? You'd think that would wake Mom up, but she can sleep through just about anything. If she's really fast asleep she can't even hear the phone ring, or someone knocking at the door. Grandpa can even come in and she won't hear him, and he's not quiet at all! Mom2 is just the opposite. Once she's asleep, she hears everything! That's why her bedroom is all the way in the back, as far from the kitchen and front door as you can get, and she has two sound masking machines running while she sleeps. One makes sounds like waves or rain, and the other just makes what they call white noise. It's just a whooshing sound. It's very relaxing.

Mom comes in and glances at the computer: Writing the column? Where's the cats?

Chester: They're both sleeping.

Mom: Oh. Harry! Harreeee, want something to eat?? Haarreee?? (Harry doesn't appear) Hmmm...guess not. (Mom gets a glass of water and goes back to the bedroom)

Chester: Harry has been sleeping more and more lately. He's old for a cat, I think we told you that. According to the vet, he's 130 in people years! He's really getting frail. He has to take pills for his thyroid, but he spits them out a lot. I wish he wouldn't do that, because he really needs that medicine, but he just doesn't understand that the pills are supposed to help him. Cats are like that. They don't get the correlation between taking yucky pills or going to the vet and feeling better. The Moms have been feeding him people baby food, because he's having trouble eating cat food, even the real soft stuff. And he throws up a lot. He doesn't throw up as much with the baby food. Mom2 cries sometimes, because they know that Harry will be going to Rainbow Bridge soon. Mom isn't crying yet. I think she's saving it up. But Harry is doing pretty much ok. He still talks all the time, and jumps up on the counter to drink water out of the sink. The Moms think it's real funny that he likes water out of the dishes in the sink better than out of his water bowl. He doesn't play with it like Em and Atom, just drinks it. The Moms make sure he always has fresh water there.

Emily wanders through the living room growling, then heads to Mom2's office.

Chester: Emily growls a lot these days. It's because of Atom. She likes to go into Mom2's office and practice growling. She has a whole series of different growls she uses on him, and she growls at him whenever he is anywhere near--as long as she thinks me or the Moms are looking. But if she thinks no one is looking, she plays with him. It's really funny because they'll be having lots of fun, then if she realizes someone is watching she'll start growling again. She's so silly! It's really good for her to have Atom around, even though she won't admit it. She's getting more exercise and can even jump up on the bathroom counter again. She couldn't do that for a long time because she was so fat and out of shape, but now she has to run and play. Harry gave up Meow and Chase about six months ago. He just doesn't have the energy anymore. Emily has plenty of energy, if she'll just get up and use it, and she and Atom make a great play pair. Oh, Atom is getting so big that the Moms think Atom Ant doesn't fit anymore. Mom2 calls him Heathern, Devil Cat and Atomic Bomb, and Mom calls him Master Destructo and Angelus, after this character in a TV show she watches. Grandpa has always called him Monstro, though, and that fits him well. He is very destructive and is tearing around the house all the time. Speak of the devil...

Atom comes tearing into the room: Kitchen Patrol! Kitchen Patrol! Mom is getting up!

Harry yawns and wanders out of his corner: Moooommmm! I'm hungry!

Emily peaks in from the hall: I want Yum-yums! (walking into the kitchen) Mom! Yum-yums!!

Mom (from bedroom): I'm coming! Sheesh!

Chester: Yum! Food time! Well, I guess that's all for now. Mom, can I have a peanut butter sandwich please?



Cat Chat 10-27-00
In Trouble Again!

Harry: It seems like the furry best thing that Atom does is get in trouble. Mostly it's fur jumping on me. The Moms' get real mad about that, cause he's bigger than me now, and I'm not really up to having a half-grown kitten jumping on me. I'm not as young as I used to be.

Emily: Yous a bag ub bones wid fur, Harry. But your meow makes up fur how little you've gotten, dat's fur sure! Yous can still wake da dead wid dat meow ub yours! The Moms do get furrious when dat monster kitten jump on you. Day don't get dat mad when he jump on me. Day jus tell me to beat him up. An I beat him up good, too, cause I's a big bad cat now! I can squish dat monster flat jus layin on him! Teehee!

Chester: That's for sure! All that fat would squish anything flat! Haahaahaa!

Emily: Hey! I's not fat! I's jus big an fulla muskles.

Chester: Oh, is that what you call that stuff on your belly that drags the floor? (Emily paw-whaps Chester). Heehaha!

Emily: We was talkin bout Atom getting in trouble alla time, not my belly! Yous! (hisssspit) Da little monster can be all sweet an nice, an lubs up to da Moms alla time. Den he'll get all wild and do sometin he nose he shouldn't. Like, about a week ago, Mom2 had bought her a samich from sometin called a "fasfood place" cause she were starvin. She put it down on da table an had to go pee, an before she'd got back Atom had got da samich all unwrapped and had took a big bite out ub it. I mean, Mom2 had it still in da bag an wrapped in napkins an in da wrapper thingy what it came in, but Atom were fast! He had dat samich out before anyone nosed what were goin on. Mom2 were so mad she could hardly see straight! Atom gots in trouble big time. Mom2 were yelling an eberytin. I'd hate to ub bin in his fur, I meow--not dat he didn't deserve it. He jus has no sense atall, nor no manners eider.

Chester: No, he doesn't. And the thing is, he always knows he is doing something wrong, because when he gets caught he runs even before the yelling starts. Half of the time he doesn't even have to know that one of the Moms is in the room. He just runs and hides because he knows he was doing something that would get him in trouble. Of course, usually one Mom or the other, or sometimes both, catch him at it, and then he really is in trouble! I think he spent about all afternoon in the cage for the sandwich incident. But like Harry said, usually he only gets in really big trouble when he jumps on Harry. Mom2 about has a stroke when he does that, and Atom knows he's being so so bad! The kid is braindead! But he got in extra big trouble the other day, and Harry had nothing to do with it!

Harry: Nope. The little monster did this all by hisself. See, member we told yous that Atom had been sitting on the railings of the deck before Mom put up the glass, and have tore the screens outta the tops of most of them? And how Mom had to get up ona ladder to staple them back? Well, Mom hadn't done any stapling on the back side of the deck, because Atom hadn't done any damage there. But after she got the glass up, it got warm again a little, so she took out the glass piece what was the smallest one. It was the one right over the air cornditioner thingy. Well, everything was fine fur about two weeks. Atom was unhappy bout not getting to sit on the rails, but he could sit on the tables and the back of the couch and the plant stand what Mom brought up just so as he could lay there and look out. But then he gots hisself a real real bad idea!

Emily: Claws an tails, you meowed a moufful dar, Harry! I doesn't nose how he tinks up all dis trouble fur hisself, I really don't. He gots all da brains ub da ant what he is named after, or eben less, I meow! An da weird ting is, he seem to hab fun doing all dis mean bad stuffers what he does, eben doe he gets in big trouble fur it. Dat kitten is crazy like a doggy! Well, anyways, what he did was, he tore out da screen where it were stapled to da wood what holds up da air cornditioner thingy, an den he crawled thru da hole! Mom went out to da deck and at first she couldn't figure out how he was sitting on da air cornditioner. She taught he were on da inside. But den she sawed dat da screen were in front ub him. She bout jumped outta her skin! She was mad like a hornet and scared to deaf at da same time!

Chester: She sure was, and more. You see, the air conditioner is very very high off the ground. Even Grandpa or that Kenbob fellow who comes to learn guitar couldn't reach it without a ladder, and they are very tall. It was bad enough that Atom pulled the screen out of the staples, top and bottom and almost all the way across the back of the deck. But if he had fallen from there, he would have been kitty pudding, I'm afraid!

Emily: Humph! No great loss! Ceptin the Moms would be turribly upset, I guess...

Harry: They sure would be! Mom was about hysterical, as madder than I've seen her in a long time. She was sure that stupid kitten would just tumble right off that air cornditioner and that would be the end of him. He is a monster mosta the time, but the Moms love him alot alot. Most as much as they love me and Emily.

Emily: Well, most, I guess. Eben doe Mom2 threatens to send him to da pound. She jus says dat cause she gets so mad at him alot. So, anyways, Mom rushed ober and tried to get da monster to come back in, but he were happy like a flea on a dog's butt and wouldn't come in. So she had to reach under the screen, thru da hole what Atom made an grabbeded him an drug him back through. He was squealin an caterwallin like crazy! When she finally gots him offen da air cornditioner she talked at him real mad an tol him what a bad bad bad kitten he were an stuck him in da cage for a long long time. An then she had to go an get her stapler gun thingy an staple up da hole as good as she could widout getting out da ladder. An den she had to put da window back in. An da whole time she were telling Atom what a bad bad bad kitten he were! I laffed an laffed! Teehee!

Chester: It was funny, I guess, once he was safe, with Mom ranting on and on about how bad he was. The only problem was, she couldn't get the hole as stapled as she wanted without getting out the ladder, but she wanted to have a window out to get some air, but she didn't want Atom to rip out a screen again. So she took out the window behind the couch, and Mom2 came up with a brilliant idea. See, Atom has been to the vet to get his shots and stuff, and he hates the smell of alcohol. Now, the Moms have been feeding Harry baby food, because it is easier on his stomach than cat food and he is feeling better eating it. It comes in these little bitty jars. So Mom2 filled two of the empty jars with alcohol and put them on the windowsill. Then they showed the window sill to Atom. As soon as he smelled that alcohol he wanted to get away fast! He spent the rest of the afternoon in the cage, but since then he hasn't even tried to get up on the window sill. Mom thinks she'll probably have to have the whole deck rescreened next spring, but for now Atom won't be tearing out any screens. Maybe we should dip Harry in alcohol so Atom won't jump on him!

Harry: Ahem! I don't think so! Cheese whiskers, what an idea! Yuck!

Chester: Teehee!

Cat Chat is © 1999 - 2008, 2009 Ariel, Emily, Harry, and Chester the Dragon. All rights reserved worldwide. This column may not be reprinted in part or whole without express permission of Ariel.

Poetry Corner
“Other Side of Forever” 10.26.00 
by L. E. Shaffer © 2000 L. E. Shaffer

© 2000 L. E. Shaffer

Hockey Puck
So many sport items to report that it is really exciting. What is not exciting is the NHL's Florida Panthers poor start this season. Thus far they only have one win. Fortunately, they are only a point out of first place. You see, those ties count at least a point. In the NBA, Alonzo Mourning is out for the year with a kidney ailment. We all hope and pray he gets better quickly for his sake. In the NFL, the bright spot is the performance of the Miami Dolphins. Now we all want to see if they can carry this through to the end of the season and deep into the post season playoffs. Wasn't that a great World Series between the New York Yankees and Mets? Too bad that the series only went five games. Tiger Woods had a bad day at the golf course, but still captured third place. It looks like that Bobby Labonte is going to win the Winston Cup Series in NASCAR. Well, there is the report for this month - short and sweet.